Graeme Dott now faces a hard screw to open up his tight brown
Pedophile LennysCrevasse (931) · 24-08-2026 1850"She was about two years old. She struggled too much and I heard something snap" "Erm Graeme, I was refering to snooker when I asked you for your lowest break"
Pedophile LennysCrevasse (931) · 24-08-2026 1711If there's baize on the table, she's past her prime.
Pedophile › Celebrity Pedo Celebrity Pedo theverydevilhimself (2822) · 24-08-2026 1600Graeme Dott mistook that little girl for a snooker table. She was flat, smooth and the perfect height for bending over.
Pedophile › Celebrity Pedo Celebrity Pedo ianwatkins (1886) · 24-08-2026 1501Graeme Dott pleaded not guilty to child abuse charges. He said he'd been framed.
Pedophile › Celebrity Pedo Celebrity Pedo ianwatkins (1886) · 24-08-2026 1450It's only a game, so put up a real good fight. I'm gonna be fingering you tonight.
Pedophile › Celebrity Pedo Celebrity Pedo Dogpad (105) · 24-08-2026 1358Ex-world snooker champion Graeme Dott is found guilty of sexually abusing two primary school children. In both the pink and the brown.
Pedophile ponga (292) · 24-08-2026 1347“What’s your favourite domestic cliff”? I asked her whilst we had a romantic stroll on the Yorkshire moors. “Oh, are you taking on a romantic trip to the white cliffs of Dover to propose? I do like the Seven Sisters as well”, she replied with joy in her voice. “How about you babe”? She then asked excitedly. There was a brief pause as we steadily made our way through the thick fog. “Sutcliffe”, I replied as I then ploughed the hammer full throttle in to her skull, bludgeoning her to death.
Murder/Death/Killing Dogpad (105) · 24-08-2026 1050That JK Rowling has always looked fit to me Bet she's got a fanny like an astroterf
Trans Rubbish › Media Coverage Media Coverage LennysCrevasse (931) · 24-08-2026 0953Goblins, Grand Dragons, Imperial Wizards... ...isn't the Ku Klux Klan just Dungeons and Dragons for racists?
Racist Hengist (665) · 24-08-2026 0952"I'm going slightly mad...." "Fraid not pal - the tests conclude you have AIDS"
How would I find these death caps used by Erin Patterson? And where's the current outbreak of egg salmonella centred? The wife's just said she fancies a mushroom omelette, and it's too good a chance to miss.
Murder/Death/Killing scotty (416) · 24-08-2026 0905If you're thinking what I'm thinking: You are a seriously disturbed person that needs help urgently.
Self Deprecating › Therapy Needed Therapy Needed Squeaky (1614) · 24-08-2026 0808My mum abused me when I was young but I forgave her. Only because she let me cum on her tits and her face.
Incest Joeydeaconsbastard (1086) · 24-08-2026 0002What's better than 2 dead coppers? 5 dead pikeys.
Gypsies › Police Raid Police Raid theverydevilhimself (2822) · 23-08-2026 2221Modern women make me sick. They just don’t realise how hard us men have it… We have to pay for sex, whilst they get it for free!
Rape / Sexual Violence Dogpad (105) · 23-08-2026 2038What's black and stinks of cheese & onion? Ainsley Harriott's cock
What's black and stinks of onions? Ainsley Harriot.
Racist Joeydeaconsbastard (1086) · 23-08-2026 1820My daughter said to my wife, “There’s a special place in hell reserved for cis women who terrorise trans women.” I said, “If there were, trans women would demand access. It wouldn’t stay reserved for long.” She stays at uni over the holidays now.
Trans Rubbish › Women's Spaces Women's Spaces WayOutWest (427) · 23-08-2026 1757“Is that car on the right side?” “Don’t think so, mate.”
Loving the tributes to "King Kev" Keegan at St James' Park today. That's what I like to see, KKK flags everywhere.
Football scotty (416) · 23-08-2026 1535I've taken up yoga to try and get in shape. It's not going well, apparently it not spelled "pie lates"
Fat / Obesity › Diet Fail Diet Fail Stickyagain (1728) · 23-08-2026 1513Every week, hundreds of sex offenders have go to the police station. To start work.
I work for an organization that hands out clothes to the poor and disadvantaged. Primark
Work/Workplace › Minimum Wage Minimum Wage Stickyagain (1728) · 23-08-2026 13342 Irish men went to see a John Wayne film. During the film paddy said " Murphy i bet you a tenner John Wayne doesn't go into the Saloon" "OK" said Murphy " I'll have some of that." Sure enough John Wayne walks into the saloon. "Hah you owe me a tenner Paddy" Then he asked "Paddy, I thought you saw this film last week". Paddy said "yeah I did. But after the hiding he had in there last week I didn't think he'd go back"
Gingerpubes (179) · 23-08-2026 1235Mathematics. The only subject that counts.
General › Observational Observational Squeaky (1614) · 23-08-2026 0733New technology moves too fast for me these days. Just tried to wipe the dust off my phone's screen, and now I have a 12-month subscription to Netflix.
General › Internet Culture Internet Culture theverydevilhimself (2822) · 23-08-2026 0511Now that I'm in my forties, I have to face the fact that sixteen-year-old girls just don't want to have sex with me. For me it's just like being sixteen again.
Sex n Shit › Dry Spell Dry Spell theverydevilhimself (2822) · 23-08-2026 0510The government has responded to migrant sex crime in characteristically strong and decisive fashion by issuing a sternly worded pamphlet to newly arrived illegal immigrants: 'It is very important that you do not rape women or children in the UK,' it warns. 'Because if you do, a lack of prison space means we will be unable to jail you.'
Immigration › Illegal Entry Illegal Entry Hengist (665) · 22-08-2026 2257My wife was trying in dresses in a shop. She said "does my bum look bigger in this one or the last one?" I say "why do you want a dress to make your arse look bigger? It's massive enough.
Wife Stickyagain (1728) · 22-08-2026 2035People think I am a cheap, woman-hating scumbag but none of it's true. I actually contribute loads of money to vulnerable, impoverished young women from dysfunctional backgrounds
Prostitution / Sex Worker Hengist (665) · 22-08-2026 2012Little Leroy says to little Tanisha, 'Wanna play Mummies and Daddies?' 'Sure,' she replies. So he fucks off.
Racist theverydevilhimself (2822) · 22-08-2026 1937Last Christmas I got the Katie Price advent calendar. If you open its flaps you end up with some really thick chocolate.
Disability theverydevilhimself (2822) · 22-08-2026 1936I wish I hadn't done my Tom Jones tribute act at the care home now. That barrage of Tena pads will haunt me forever.
Age/Elderly scotty (416) · 22-08-2026 1742My 90 year old mum had a funny turn and we called an ambulance. The paramedic asked her, "what's the date?" she knew that "where do you live?" she knew that "who's the prime minister?" She looked at him and said "that's not a fair question, but whoever it is they're a cunt"
Age/Elderly Stickyagain (1728) · 22-08-2026 1719What the definition of a good start? Two dead coppers ACAB
Accidents/Injuries Irishstu (151) · 22-08-2026 1520The Japanese weather bureau recorded its hottest ever day on August 5 last year. I dispute that. August 6 & 9, 1945.
Racist innit (658) · 22-08-2026 1053I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend. Had to drop the bomb twice...
Racist innit (658) · 22-08-2026 1050They say Auschwitz is the sort of place everyone should go to, but only once A bit like the inmates then
My wife is a true patriotic Scot. She burns supper every night.
Wordplay theverydevilhimself (2822) · 22-08-2026 0946Taylor Swift has smashed Michael Jackson's 35 year old record, but I beat her to it. Used my copy of Bad as a frisbee back in 2022.
Silly › Absurd Absurd theverydevilhimself (2822) · 22-08-2026 0942My grandson said he couldn't sleep because of the monsters under his bed. When I had a look I saw six empty cans there.
General Squeaky (1614) · 22-08-2026 0757I thought that it was in rather bad taste when I learned that Auschwitz now has a gift shop. I felt it was a little more appropriate when I learned that it doesn't sell cheap tourist tat, it only sells educational books. And with such lovely bindings too...
Jewish › Holocaust Dark Holocaust Dark Hengist (665) · 22-08-2026 0747Darth Vader had an awesome suit. It cost him an arm and a leg.
Wordplay innit (658) · 22-08-2026 0616'...As if the UK hasn't got enough problems with the bad eggs that are Sam'n Ella [sic], you've now got the other bad eggs causing a stink that are Harry and Meghan.'
In The News › Breaking News Breaking News monkeybobhouse (24) · 22-08-2026 0441Taylor Swift has smashed Michael Jackson's 35 year old record. Blimey, how many kids did she have to molest?
Pedophile › Celebrity Pedo Celebrity Pedo supergalley (1722) · 21-08-2026 215820% off school clothes at ASDA. I always thought the skirts were too long.
When I rate my sexual partners out of 10, I'm just guessing their ages.
Pedophile theverydevilhimself (2822) · 21-08-2026 1957If you are ever stopped by a policeman while doing something you shouldn't, you should always make sure to call him 'sir.' If you need to leg it he will find it much harder to run after you if he has an erection.
Crime Hengist (665) · 21-08-2026 1942My wife left me on account of my wandering eye. Fair enough I suppose. It was my wandering Jap's eye.
Sex n Shit theverydevilhimself (2822) · 21-08-2026 1437I phoned my boss on Monday morning and said, 'I'm afraid I'm not going to make it in today. I've pulled something.' He said, 'Bloody hell, it's going to be busy today. Can you walk?' I replied, 'Sure I can. But she's insisting I take her out for breakfast.'
Sex n Shit theverydevilhimself (2822) · 21-08-2026 1437I was enjoying a drink while watching the wife cut the grass. The lady next door shouted, "You should be hung!" I shouted back, "I am; that's why she mows the lawn and brings me beers!"
The sight of Rosie Jones' face on the telly makes my skin crawl I'm spack nose intolerant
Cannibal Mother: "Kids! Time for tea with me and your father?" Kids: "Great! What are we having?" Cannibal Mother: "Your father"
Dark LennysCrevasse (931) · 21-08-2026 1123'...Checking in for a flight, the check-in girl said, "You're in the wrong line." I said, "Well where's MY line?" "Fuck You", she said. "Excuse me?" came back my angered response. Pointing to her left, she said, "Far queue." "Mmmm! That's alright then." Because I was about to phone the ambulance for her.
Wordplay monkeybobhouse (24) · 21-08-2026 0936The woman at the centre of the Trallelodge privacy scandal has stated that she found a strange man in her room stood with his cock out. When she asked him what he was doing he replied "womb service"
In The News › Breaking News Breaking News Stickyagain (1728) · 21-08-2026 0923Harry has dismissed claims that he's moving back to the UK in order to curry favour with the King. He added that he and his wife have also begun their conversion to Islam, and shall henceforth be known as Ibrahim and Fatima.
Celebrities › Royal Adjacent Royal Adjacent scotty (416) · 21-08-2026 0858When a woman says, ' smell this ' it's usually something nice.
General › Observational Observational Squeaky (1614) · 21-08-2026 0745I do the school run every morning. One of these days I'll catch one of the little prickteasers.
Pedophile theverydevilhimself (2822) · 21-08-2026 0634I lost the rag with my wife this morning when she burned my breakfast. I'm black toast intolerant.
Wordplay theverydevilhimself (2822) · 21-08-2026 0633First James Corden, now the fucking Markles returning to the UK. I'd rather have Shamima Begum back.
Immigration ponga (292) · 20-08-2026 2346In front of me in the queue at the clothing store yesterday, a young lass was trying to return a pair of knickers. 'I'm sorry,' said the assistant, 'but we can't accept these as you've worn them.' I tapped her on the shoulder and said, 'I'll take them off your hands for the price you paid, if you like.' 'Thanks mister, but I'm a size ten, are you sure these will fit your wife?' 'Errr... yeah, wife, that's it...'
Sex n Shit theverydevilhimself (2822) · 20-08-2026 2245My wife said she wanted to try a Rampant Rabbit in the bedroom. So I got Flopsy out of his hutch and gave him a few lines of speed.
Animals theverydevilhimself (2822) · 20-08-2026 2243I am, as they say in polite society, 'one of nature's bachelors'. I'm not gay, just a right ugly cunt.
Sex n Shit theverydevilhimself (2822) · 20-08-2026 2226A policeman asked me, 'Would you blow into this bag, Sir?' I looked at his colleague then replied, 'Yeah, probably. She's not that bad.'
Sexist theverydevilhimself (2822) · 20-08-2026 2225A bloke went into the butchers and said "two pounds of steak and kiddley please" The butcher said "don't you mean kidney? He said" that's what I said, diddle I "
Dad Jokes Stickyagain (1728) · 20-08-2026 2106Small boats are not the problem. It's what's not in them. Holes.
Small boats are not the problem. It's what's in them.
Immigration › Small Boats Small Boats Stickyagain (1728) · 20-08-2026 1644At the flight check-in desk the attendant asked, "Sir does your luggage contain any perishables?" I said, "No. My wife's severed head is in there somewhere but I'm pretty certain she's already dead"
Dark LennysCrevasse (931) · 20-08-2026 1614What's the difference between the BBC and Simon Cowell? Cowell tells retards to fuck off when they want to be on the telly
Disability › Learning Disability Learning Disability LennysCrevasse (931) · 20-08-2026 1356Police confirm Jason Arday was murdered. They’ve allowed the media to report it as suicide so he can take the credit for someone else’s work one last time.
Celebrity Death scotty (416) · 20-08-2026 1249I really miss the wife giving me a tit-wank Especially right where the tumour was
Dark LennysCrevasse (931) · 20-08-2026 1236I love being schizophrenic, don't we
I love being bi-polar, it's shit.
Disease/Illness › Mental as Physical Mental as Physical Stickyagain (1728) · 20-08-2026 1056According to feminists, women can do no wrong. Witch burnings did nothing wrong.
Sexist innit (658) · 20-08-2026 0852My wife can do a trick with her breasts. When she takes off her bra they flop and play dead.
General Squeaky (1614) · 20-08-2026 0837'Prince Harry and Meghan moving back to UK later this month' ... according to our phone-tap sources.
Celebrities › Needy Famous People Needy Famous People nausicaa (106) · 20-08-2026 0830I enjoyed reading classic American literature last night, while drinking classic Mexican alcohol. Yup. Tequila Mockingbird
I hate my neighbours so much that I've decided to sell my house. To Pakis.
Racist › Classic Stereotypes Classic Stereotypes theverydevilhimself (2822) · 19-08-2026 2104Pure Cremation: Because your kids would rather spend your money on a new car anyway
Death › Funeral Funeral Hengist (665) · 19-08-2026 2104There's a gang in my area who recruit new members by threatening people with all kinds of horrific punishments if they refuse to join. But enough about the church...
Religion › Catholic Guilt Catholic Guilt theverydevilhimself (2822) · 19-08-2026 2102Financial analysts warn that the price of balloons, bouncy castles and blow-up sex dolls is expected to rise substantially over the next year, a trend that they attribute to the economic cost of inflation.
Silly Hengist (665) · 19-08-2026 2047"As I walk through The Valley of the shadow of death........please welcome your teams for today's game!"
White smoke has been seen coming from the Sistine Chapel. The Pope hasn't died, he's just torching his hard drive.
Pedophile theverydevilhimself (2822) · 19-08-2026 1752I like my neighbours like I like my teeth. Straight and white.
Racist theverydevilhimself (2822) · 19-08-2026 1752Charlton Athletic's ground will now be known as The Valley of Death
Football jjbomber (112) · 19-08-2026 1712Andrew Windsor says he has a zero tolerance to child abuse That's right everyone. If they're under 12 months old, he'll still shag them
Pedophile › Celebrity Pedo Celebrity Pedo LennysCrevasse (931) · 19-08-2026 1609Just got a letter from the Department of Education: "Your child with fetal alcohol syndrome will receive funding for specialised therapies, educational support, environmental adjustments, and targeted medications." Darling, I reckon that calls for a drink!
Alcohol/Drugs innit (658) · 19-08-2026 1201These paedo hunters are fucking dogshit if you ask me They capture them but then give them away to the police
My wife opened her birthday present, a new dress. "It's lovely," she smiled, "but size 10? I don't think I'm likely to lose that much weight at my age." Perhaps it's time I told her about the cancer.
Cancer scotty (416) · 19-08-2026 0919In gay men's defence, they're very keen on personal hygiene. Which is surprising, given what they get to to in public toilets.
LGBTQ4KHDTV+ etc innit (658) · 19-08-2026 0849My school had a zero tolerance policy on bullying. The principal stated: "Complain about bullying one more time fucking and I'll fucking suspend you!"
School/College/University innit (658) · 19-08-2026 0842The regulars of a pub in a small Irish village decided to hire a coach and go on a mystery tour. They decided to have a sweepstake and for one Euro you could guess the destination of the tour. The money that was collected was won by the driver.
Dumb/Thick › Gullible Gullible Squeaky (1614) · 19-08-2026 0818I was a crack baby. Unlike my brother, who was a Caesarean section.
Babies theverydevilhimself (2822) · 19-08-2026 0708In the news: Israel withdraws support for embattled Fifa president Infantino. When even the devil thinks your a cunt, you know you're in trouble.
Football › Footballer Affairs Footballer Affairs madgringo (53) · 19-08-2026 0626'Billie Jean is not my lover, She's just a girl who says that I am the one, But the kid is not my son. Uh, he can still stay over at my place at the weekends, though.'
Celebrities › Sex Tape Celebs Sex Tape Celebs theverydevilhimself (2822) · 18-08-2026 2146If I ever get nabbed by one of those online paedo hunter groups, I've got my excuse ready: 'I'm dyslexic. Thought she was 31...'
Pedophile theverydevilhimself (2822) · 18-08-2026 2145Teacher: "So if I go to the corner-shop and buy a packet of sweets that cost £1.50, I then give Mr. Hussain £5, what does he give me?" Pupil: "Scabies, Miss?"
Racist LennysCrevasse (931) · 18-08-2026 1804I always think it's weird that African-Americans are such fast runners. I mean, the one thing they all have in common is that they are descended from people who couldn't run fast enough when it mattered.
Racist Hengist (665) · 18-08-2026 1724My siblings and I had a really rough day at the hospital today as our grandmother finally passed away. Pulling the plug on her life-support machine was the hardest thing we have ever had to do...the old bitch bit my brother and gave me a black eye trying to stop us.
Death Hengist (665) · 18-08-2026 1720For Halloween last year, I bought a George Floyd mask on eBay. Had to send it back though. When I put it on I couldn't breathe.
Death theverydevilhimself (2822) · 18-08-2026 1618I've always though the Olympics would be a lot more interesting if, in every event, they also fielded one randomly-selected member of the general public for comparison purposes.
Sports theverydevilhimself (2822) · 18-08-2026 1616My uncle died of a heart attack yesterday, but at least he was doing what he loved most. Fucking a dead baby.
Offensive scotty (416) · 18-08-2026 1510Paddy walked into the post office, " Would you have a box 100 foot long by 2 inches wide please"? "What the hell is that for Paddy"? " Mick has moved house and left his hose pipe behind, he asked me to post it to him"
Dumb/Thick garry6291 (603) · 18-08-2026 1313A recent report shows a 20% increase in the number of cases of dwarfism in the UK over the past ten years. It's a growing problem.
Disability Squeaky (1614) · 18-08-2026 0833I was walking past a farm and a sign said "Duck, Eggs." I thought "That's an unnecessary comma." And then it hit me...
Wordplay innit (658) · 18-08-2026 0654Russia has threatened Britain and said that it would pay after Ukraine used UK drones to hit targets in Russia. But first, can we buy some of your drones, please?
Political › Dictatorship Abroad Dictatorship Abroad ponga (292) · 18-08-2026 0536Paddy goes into a Dublin jewellers and asks the shopkeeper, "Excuse me sir, but do you sell potato clocks?" The shopkeeper looks at him and says, "Are you mad ?, We sell cuckoo clocks, carriage clocks, grandfather clocks, alarm clocks... what the feck is a potato clock?" And Paddy says, "I don't know, but I start my new job at nine tomorrow, and the wife said 'You'd better get a potato clock.'...!!!
Dad Jokes OkiPaul (161) · 18-08-2026 0257Safe the cheerleader save the… Hayden put down the… Aww fuck.
Celebrity Death › Died Too Young Died Too Young WayOutWest (427) · 17-08-2026 2251'Mushroom Murderer Erin Patterson is Appealing' I thought she looked like a right dog, personally
In The News Hengist (665) · 17-08-2026 2101This black bitch with braces was giving her nigger a blowjob and when he shot his load it was the first time Thier kids was behind bars.
Sex n Shit Joeydeaconsbastard (1086) · 17-08-2026 1937A copper stopped me driving home last night. First thing he said was "do you know why I stopped you?" I shrugged and said "because you're a cunt? "
Crime Stickyagain (1728) · 17-08-2026 1928