| 21 |
25-07-2026 12:29 |
I went on a date with a girl whose Tinder profile said she had an 'infectious sm
|
| 21 |
25-06-2026 15:12 |
Sure is sunny this week!
I've got such a good tan, earlier today I went into
|
| 21 |
10-06-2026 18:12 |
I've often wondered what it'd be like to be a fly on the wall in Finsbury Park M
|
| 20 |
24-07-2026 21:04 |
I bought an R Kelly album once.
There was a warning sticker on the cellophane
|
| 19 |
27-07-2026 09:32 |
I saw a post on my local community group on Facebook:
'MISSING: Our 3-year-old
|
| 19 |
13-06-2026 15:48 |
I'm old enough to remember the good old days, when you could still find porn mag
|
| 18 |
10-08-2026 20:14 |
An Imam told me that throwing bacon at a Muslim is as offensive as throwing dog
|
| 18 |
19-06-2026 05:51 |
I was playing pool in the pub last night.
As I leaned in to take a shot my bu
|
| 17 |
07-08-2026 08:07 |
98 days ago I found a centipede in my garden, and I've been slowly torturing it
|
| 17 |
06-08-2026 15:28 |
The BBC are to screen a new documentary about life in an average household in Br
|
| 17 |
06-06-2026 17:58 |
There was a kid in my year at high school who got picked on all the time because
|
| 16 |
02-08-2026 12:44 |
My wife said she's leaving me because she's never seen me sober.
Fucking hell
|
| 16 |
13-06-2026 16:53 |
As we were undressing in the hotel room the prostitute said to me; 'Just so you
|
| 16 |
10-06-2026 11:18 |
I hear McDonald's has branches in Africa now.
The customers must prefer them
|
| 16 |
10-06-2026 04:56 |
It's no surprise the Williams sisters were so successful at tennis.
Black peo
|
| 15 |
12-08-2026 16:07 |
'I tell ya, England used to be a green and pleasant land; now it's a brown and u
|
| 15 |
05-08-2026 19:54 |
My wife has learning difficulties.
She's a woman.
|
| 15 |
26-07-2026 21:50 |
Over dinner my date asked me, 'So, do you have any guilty pleasures?'
I repli
|
| 15 |
19-07-2026 14:35 |
I recently made a girl squirt for the first time.
It was pepper spray, but st
|
| 15 |
29-06-2026 06:44 |
King Charles has revealed his recent treatment for cancer cost him his sense of
|
| 15 |
11-06-2026 15:52 |
Most of the rock legends of the 60s and 70s died young because of their utterly
|
| 14 |
11-08-2026 20:05 |
'Urgent search for three schoolgirls aged 12, 13 and 14.'
Not a news headline
|
| 14 |
10-08-2026 20:12 |
Fellas, if your bride reveals shaved pubes on your wedding night, it means she's
|
| 14 |
09-08-2026 20:17 |
I can say with confidence that no woman I've ever shagged has faked an orgasm.
|
| 14 |
19-06-2026 14:47 |
Gary Glitter likes having sex with underage girls, doesn't like having his pictu
|
| 14 |
12-06-2026 20:30 |
I sat near some Chavs on the bus home today.
For the whole journey it was jus
|
| 14 |
10-06-2026 18:11 |
My sister held one of those 'gender reveal' parties when she was pregnant.
Sh
|
| 13 |
10-08-2026 16:07 |
Today I was told I'm a very attractive man :)
By my cellmate :(
|
| 13 |
10-08-2026 16:06 |
My wife has lost three babies this year.
She's on a final written warning at
|
| 13 |
10-08-2026 05:52 |
I'm the kind of man who laughs in the face of diversity.
|
| 13 |
10-08-2026 05:51 |
I've bought my little lad a hamster for his birthday.
It's not a long-term th
|
| 13 |
07-08-2026 09:15 |
I got into a lift in London, only to find there were half a dozen black youths i
|
| 13 |
07-08-2026 09:13 |
My 14-year-old daughter came out of her room in a top and shorts that left littl
|
| 13 |
06-08-2026 15:29 |
I'm a producer for the BBC.
I don't work there, I just have eight kids.
|
| 13 |
06-08-2026 13:21 |
If you're ever attacked by a bear, simply lie down and play dead.
It's good p
|
| 13 |
31-07-2026 14:32 |
My sister just announced that she's pregnant by her boyfriend, Leroy.
Well I
|
| 13 |
26-07-2026 21:53 |
The first thing I thought when I woke up today was, 'Thank God I'm not Iranian.'
|
| 13 |
28-06-2026 14:50 |
I was walking past a group of teenagers earlier when one of them shouted, 'Oi, m
|
| 13 |
20-06-2026 10:24 |
I finally got my hands on some Rohypnol, but I'm a bit confused.
On the packet
|
| 13 |
14-06-2026 21:00 |
Spiders are like girls.
I only feel all right about touching the little ones.
|
| 12 |
15-08-2026 20:42 |
I was in the queue at the supermarket, and the woman in front had a kid who was
|
| 12 |
15-08-2026 15:20 |
I saw Guardians of the Galaxy last night.
We were actually watching The Aveng
|
| 12 |
13-08-2026 20:35 |
'And here's a few magazines to get you started.'
If you're European, somethin
|
| 12 |
02-08-2026 12:42 |
I have to say, I was disappointed by the efforts made this year to mark Internat
|
| 12 |
25-07-2026 09:16 |
Whaddaya call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen.
Whadday
|
| 12 |
24-07-2026 21:02 |
Those birthing pools are quite popular in China nowadays.
They make the whole
|
| 12 |
19-07-2026 16:55 |
I ran out of toilet paper earlier, so I had to say 'Goodbye Socks!'
It was a
|
| 12 |
19-07-2026 14:36 |
I was out on the town last night and I ended up staggering about the place, boun
|
| 12 |
04-07-2026 07:30 |
Breast implants.
Worth splashing out on.
|
| 12 |
01-07-2026 20:40 |
I've got a date tonight with a girl from Thailand.
I just hope I don't end up
|
| 12 |
28-06-2026 12:57 |
Did you know your blood group can actually change during your life?
I gave bl
|
| 12 |
26-06-2026 14:09 |
I'm taking my girlfriend to have an abortion tomorrow.
I'm really looking for
|
| 12 |
25-06-2026 20:19 |
A study has found that vegans are significantly more likely to suffer broken bon
|
| 12 |
24-06-2026 11:29 |
Residents of a flagship housing estate in Poole, Dorset, are “appalled” after a
|
| 12 |
23-06-2026 17:19 |
I organised a night out for survivors of female genital mutilation, but none of
|
| 12 |
23-06-2026 06:15 |
That children's story about Goldilocks and the Three Bears isn't really all that
|
| 12 |
18-06-2026 16:05 |
News:
Brazilian woman without a safety cord attached falls 130ft to her death
|
| 12 |
15-06-2026 06:01 |
When I'm driving my ice cream van around the streets, my biggest fear is that on
|
| 11 |
10-08-2026 23:17 |
Martin Luther King once said, 'I have a dream.'
Bet it was about fried chicke
|
| 11 |
06-08-2026 21:25 |
I was looking through dating site profiles, and I found this single mother.
H
|
| 11 |
06-08-2026 16:47 |
I want my kids to have everything I never had.
Unfortunately for them, I neve
|
| 11 |
27-07-2026 13:36 |
B. Oddie.
|
| 11 |
26-07-2026 15:10 |
A coffee enema is supposed to be really good for your liver.
Pro tip: leave i
|
| 11 |
19-07-2026 12:44 |
So North Korea now has a nuclear bomb delivery system that could hit New York Ci
|
| 11 |
15-07-2026 17:18 |
I looked up my family tree online.
Turns out my great great great great great
|
| 11 |
10-07-2026 15:31 |
A passenger on a Ryanair flight was reportedly almost sucked out of a window dur
|
| 11 |
07-07-2026 16:01 |
What do you call a Spanish voyeur?
Senor Biva.
|
| 11 |
07-07-2026 16:00 |
What do you call a Russian with Tourette's Syndrome?
Yukanol Fukov.
|
| 11 |
29-06-2026 20:26 |
I was born with a rare medical condition - I only had a single bum cheek.
I h
|
| 11 |
26-06-2026 11:22 |
I can't believe that, in this day and age, no-one has managed to come up with a
|
| 11 |
22-06-2026 15:52 |
What's the difference between the McCanns and Gary Glitter?
Gary Glitter come
|
| 11 |
22-06-2026 12:27 |
A magician in Queensland, Australia has vanished without a trace in remote wilde
|
| 11 |
21-06-2026 05:13 |
Scientists say that swallowing semen after oral sex can help women lose weight.
|
| 11 |
21-06-2026 05:11 |
I told my girlfriend that semen contains 'friendly' bacteria, like those Actimel
|
| 11 |
19-06-2026 18:31 |
I've put my name down to join the local Feminists Society.
Hopefully once the
|
| 11 |
12-06-2026 05:49 |
Why did the Paki cross the road?
Dunno, but both sides of the road smell funn
|
| 11 |
11-06-2026 04:14 |
My uncle had the luck of the Irish.
He didn't win the lottery or anything, he
|
| 11 |
06-06-2026 19:21 |
I once had sex with this really hot black girl.
Got to the scene before the f
|
| 11 |
27-05-2026 16:12 |
I applied for Disability Benefit on account of my alcoholism.
As I told the a
|
| 10 |
13-08-2026 16:40 |
Women are like cinemas.
I normally have to pay to enter them, but sometimes I
|
| 10 |
11-08-2026 17:56 |
There's a poster outside my local Asda that says, 'UK Baby Retailer of the Year'
|
| 10 |
10-08-2026 23:16 |
My grandson came home blubbing because some kid hit him at school, so I decided
|
| 10 |
07-08-2026 01:57 |
Top Ugandan footballer killed by teen muggers armed with paving stones.
'On m
|
| 10 |
06-08-2026 20:12 |
Some people say that that British prisons are 'like Butlin's camps with bars' no
|
| 10 |
31-07-2026 14:43 |
Showbiz news: Boy George pulls out of Jesus Christ Superstar.
You'd think so
|
| 10 |
26-07-2026 12:23 |
I would've gone to Parents' Night at the local primary school yesterday, but I p
|
| 10 |
25-07-2026 09:04 |
What's black and comes in thirteens?
R Kelly.
|
| 10 |
24-07-2026 14:54 |
'What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.'
Not a good defence to u
|
| 10 |
24-07-2026 04:48 |
Tried that new Korean restaurant in town last night.
The food was pretty good
|
| 10 |
03-07-2026 18:14 |
I was in a corner shop once, and I noticed a little boy picking up sweets and sl
|
| 10 |
03-07-2026 16:04 |
In Iran, the funeral of Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei is due to commence, which wi
|
| 10 |
29-06-2026 20:27 |
What was Gary Glitter's least-favourite chart compilation album?
Now 16.
|
| 10 |
28-06-2026 16:25 |
At breakfast this morning, out of the blue my wife started having a go at me, sa
|
| 10 |
26-06-2026 14:38 |
I have a couple of those fidget-spinners in the house.
Or if you want to use
|
| 10 |
24-06-2026 11:29 |
The missus went ballistic when she found out I've been paying prostitutes for an
|
| 10 |
24-06-2026 09:37 |
I visited a brothel once and asked for the Girlfriend Experience.
She told me
|
| 10 |
23-06-2026 10:51 |
I once went fifteen years without a drink.
Then I turned fifteen.
|
| 10 |
21-06-2026 20:05 |
I'm a fully-qualified abortion provider.
I kid you not.
|
| 10 |
14-06-2026 10:34 |
I once hired a professional dominatrix.
She wanted fifty quid for the hour, b
|
| 10 |
07-06-2026 19:57 |
I used to date a Jewish girl, but it didn't end too well.
One time I invited
|
| 10 |
07-06-2026 12:35 |
I tried to get into a support group for people with Tourette's Syndrome, but the
|
| 10 |
07-06-2026 07:19 |
There was a kid in my year at high school who was allergic to water.
Well, I
|
| 10 |
27-05-2026 15:53 |
I go to the gym most evenings.
I don't do any exercise, but after watching th
|
| 9 |
16-08-2026 16:53 |
I was up in court for assaulting a Pakistani.
The judge said, 'The court will
|
| 9 |
12-08-2026 17:01 |
Former MP Ann Widdecombe has been laid to rest at Buckfast Abbey.
Which is ki
|
| 9 |
11-08-2026 20:07 |
Why did the illusionist cross the road?
He didn't.
|
| 9 |
11-08-2026 17:55 |
I put in a complaint about my neighbours last night.
I was trying to get to s
|
| 9 |
08-08-2026 17:52 |
Man slashed and stabbed in Nottingham nature reserve.
My guess is, he happene
|
| 9 |
28-07-2026 16:37 |
The puppeteer behind Zippy on kids' TV show Rainbow has died of cancer.
Zipp
|
| 9 |
24-07-2026 14:35 |
I'm a huge fan of Roman Polanski.
I've heard some of his films are pretty goo
|
| 9 |
19-07-2026 20:23 |
One time years ago, I was out on the town and I ended up pulling this cougar twi
|
| 9 |
16-07-2026 20:45 |
White House confirms Donald Trump will attend the World Cup Final this Sunday.
|
| 9 |
13-07-2026 21:32 |
I took to animal cruelty like a duck to lighter fluid.
|
| 9 |
12-07-2026 12:28 |
Man dies after falling from Eleventh Night bonfire in east Belfast.
His famil
|
| 9 |
01-07-2026 05:39 |
Curiosity killed the cat.
My curiosity regarding whether or not cats are amph
|
| 9 |
22-06-2026 15:51 |
I first met my wife at a scat fetish orgy.
It was love at first shite.
|
| 9 |
22-06-2026 12:10 |
What do you call one of those turds that takes ages to flush?
Keir Starmer.
|
| 9 |
20-06-2026 16:31 |
30 years on, and the Spice Girls have really stood the test of time.
They're
|
| 9 |
19-06-2026 20:14 |
Nigel Farage claims that one in three schoolchildren in Glasgow nowadays can't s
|
| 9 |
17-06-2026 06:44 |
Women are like spiders.
I don't mind seeing one or two from time to time, but
|
| 9 |
16-06-2026 15:54 |
What was Jeffrey Dahmer's favourite dinner?
Mr Faggot's Brains.
|
| 9 |
15-06-2026 16:27 |
When I was about 14, a Catholic priest took me aside one time.
He said, 'List
|
| 9 |
14-06-2026 19:52 |
'Mum, what's for dinner?'
'Spaghetti Bollock Knees.'
'You mean Spaghetti B
|
| 9 |
13-06-2026 15:46 |
At the cinema last night, for a laugh I flicked a few peanuts at a lass sitting
|
| 9 |
12-06-2026 14:45 |
Last night the wife said, 'Right, you, out. My favourite film, Dirty Dancing, is
|
| 9 |
11-06-2026 06:18 |
I have a terrible sexually-transmitted disease.
Children.
|
| 9 |
11-06-2026 06:17 |
My son's special school threw him a party today for his birthday.
Many happy
|
| 9 |
08-06-2026 16:16 |
I gave my daughter away at her wedding yesterday.
Got a bit plastered before
|
| 9 |
08-06-2026 05:43 |
How many spastics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Fuck knows. The first o
|
| 9 |
06-06-2026 14:15 |
I was getting ready to leave the house this morning when an advert on the telly
|
| 9 |
03-06-2026 21:12 |
The band Massive Attack re-released their 1998 album Mezzanine in 2018, in a spr
|
| 9 |
25-05-2026 16:59 |
Who's the best family butcher in Essex?
Jeremy Bamber.
|
| 9 |
20-05-2026 05:57 |
Pop star Kylie Minogue reveals she was given a cancer diagnosis for the second t
|
| 9 |
14-05-2026 21:48 |
8 things you should never say to a woman if you want a stress-free life:
#1:
|
| 9 |
27-04-2026 16:03 |
Donald Trump says he 'wasn't worried' by the shooting incident at the White Hous
|
| 8 |
16-08-2026 12:14 |
I once won the heart of a beautiful young lady.
eBay Liberia has some fucked-
|
| 8 |
15-08-2026 22:14 |
'Nothing rhymes with orange.'
No it fucking doesn't.
|
| 8 |
13-08-2026 20:34 |
What's a Paki's least favourite big cat?
Lynx.
|
| 8 |
12-08-2026 16:05 |
It's bad enough that all these refugees from the Middle East brought their relig
|
| 8 |
09-08-2026 15:10 |
Most of the girls in my town are slappers.
When I try to chat them up they sl
|
| 8 |
06-08-2026 14:25 |
My landlord turned up this morning, and started lecturing me about how I need to
|
| 8 |
06-08-2026 13:20 |
The right-wing press likes to make out that refugees get money thrown at them wh
|
| 8 |
02-08-2026 10:45 |
'It's not the size of the dog in the fight that matters, but the size of the fig
|
| 8 |
17-07-2026 14:57 |
There's this bloke Gerry who drinks in my local who's a rabid homophobe - you kn
|
| 8 |
10-07-2026 15:26 |
I work in genetic engineering, but the pay isn't great.
I made a monkey last
|
| 8 |
08-07-2026 16:03 |
What do health food enthusiasts and paedophiles have in common?
They both lov
|
| 8 |
26-06-2026 08:41 |
Watched a movie last night about two gay cowboys who fall in love, but then die
|
| 8 |
25-06-2026 20:20 |
Not boasting or anything, but the lass I took home the other night looked a lot
|
| 8 |
25-06-2026 04:47 |
Edinburgh woman critical in hospital, after the lower half of her body caught on
|
| 8 |
21-06-2026 19:58 |
I was on the pull last night, so I wore my T shirt that reads, 'Drink Until You
|
| 8 |
21-06-2026 11:53 |
Scotland has the worst rates in the UK for hate crimes against gays and the hand
|
| 8 |
20-06-2026 19:55 |
Roy Walker is in bed with Bonnie Blue.
He says, 'It's good, but it's not tigh
|
| 8 |
20-06-2026 19:27 |
What's the difference between sin and shame?
It's a sin to put it in, but it'
|
| 8 |
19-06-2026 11:26 |
I was in Glasgow yesterday, and this American tourist came up to me.
He sai
|
| 8 |
17-06-2026 15:42 |
Coming soon to Amazon Prime:
Clarkson Buys the Farm
|
| 8 |
15-06-2026 17:20 |
Trump faces criticism over White House UFC event.
Changed times, indeed.
T
|
| 8 |
12-06-2026 20:29 |
An Israeli man 'cried tears of relief' on learning that his daughter had been mu
|
| 8 |
12-06-2026 05:54 |
I don't know exactly what happened to that poor lad who was found dead in Michae
|
| 8 |
11-06-2026 17:14 |
How did the Scouser get into university?
Crowbar.
|
| 8 |
10-06-2026 04:53 |
A dyslexic mate of mine joined a poetry club, as he thought it might help with h
|
| 8 |
03-06-2026 21:17 |
My Glaswegian cousin had a problem with drugs, but his real passion in life was
|
| 8 |
11-05-2026 21:25 |
Some young pikey lads came into my local last Friday night.
They started nois
|
| 8 |
06-05-2026 18:45 |
I know my rights. Every question I was asked, I responded with 'No comment'.
|
| 7 |
16-08-2026 16:54 |
There's a great new campaign to encourage people to take three plastic items hom
|
| 7 |
15-08-2026 22:15 |
Groundbreaking new HIV treatment requires only a single injection annually.
W
|
| 7 |
15-08-2026 20:41 |
I used to be the chief executive of a non-profit-making organisation, but they l
|
| 7 |
15-08-2026 15:19 |
Like anyone else, I've done things in my life that I can now look back on and la
|
| 7 |
07-08-2026 23:39 |
Katie Price is forever hungry for media attention.
She likes as many column i
|
| 7 |
07-08-2026 08:02 |
A Muslim family has moved in next door.
To welcome them to the neighbourhood,
|
| 7 |
06-08-2026 16:48 |
'I tawt I taw a puddy tat! I did! I did taw a puddy tat!'
'No, son. That's th
|
| 7 |
06-08-2026 14:23 |
How many narcoleptics does it take to change a ligh65hyuyij9iuyfgtr/dfsyt7uyjhu9
|
| 7 |
06-08-2026 09:12 |
In 1982, Cliff Richard dated former tennis player Sue Barker.
She didn't play
|
| 7 |
20-07-2026 06:19 |
I've started a campaign to have all the world's elephants released from human cu
|
| 7 |
19-07-2026 14:10 |
The first bus in Britain to be powered by human excrement ran from Bristol to Ba
|
| 7 |
18-07-2026 10:22 |
When it comes to star signs, us Capricorns are the Greatest Of All Time.
|
| 7 |
17-07-2026 14:59 |
The new bloke at work has invited me round to his place tonight for some 'man fu
|
| 7 |
10-07-2026 16:13 |
So, some dude finally fucked Ann Widdecombe...
|
| 7 |
07-07-2026 18:19 |
I drank some wkd with ice in it.
It was wicked.
|
| 7 |
04-07-2026 06:42 |
Why do so many gays take so long to come out of the closet?
Because some of t
|
| 7 |
03-07-2026 03:57 |
China says man who flew plane into Beijing skyscraper had mental health problems
|
| 7 |
29-06-2026 16:29 |
Fucking over-zealous jobsworth Customs officers.
That was my emotional suppor
|
| 7 |
24-06-2026 16:12 |
Liquid Mercury is really bad for your health.
As a lot of gays found out in t
|
| 7 |
19-06-2026 20:13 |
You ever have one of those mornings where you hear your alarm go off and just th
|
| 7 |
19-06-2026 18:29 |
On Sunday there, I had triple-cooked chips at my Nan's.
Her dementia's defini
|
| 7 |
16-06-2026 15:53 |
I use dating sites to find girls with Down Syndrome, so I can sexually exploit t
|
| 7 |
14-06-2026 13:31 |
My gay neighbour said, 'I've got a blind date tonight. Oooohh, I hope he's hands
|
| 7 |
11-06-2026 15:51 |
Find a penny,
Pick it up,
And all day long
You'll have good luck.*
*Advice
|
| 7 |
11-06-2026 04:16 |
I saw this video of a bouncing baby boy earlier, and it's had me chuckling away
|
| 7 |
01-06-2026 16:58 |
How many women with PMT does it take to change a lightbulb?
It's an irrationa
|
| 7 |
30-05-2026 07:25 |
Which cheese is the most harmful to your health?
Freddie Mercury's.
|
| 7 |
29-05-2026 06:05 |
2 taxi drivers having a pint:
'I love picking up tipsy women. They always giv
|
| 7 |
18-05-2026 05:36 |
Whaddaya call a Japanese homo?
Tak Mashita.
|
| 7 |
16-05-2026 07:53 |
You're either non-binary or you're not.
|
| 7 |
12-05-2026 21:26 |
My wife says she's leaving me because she can no longer cope with my irrational
|
| 7 |
03-05-2026 12:37 |
My wife and I share a toothbrush.
She uses it to brush her teeth, and I use i
|
| 6 |
11-08-2026 22:11 |
My wife's just finished a 12-hour shift.
I knew she'd find second gear eventu
|
| 6 |
06-08-2026 20:13 |
They say having sex is a bit like riding a bike.
I had a lot more experience
|
| 6 |
25-07-2026 12:08 |
My cousin's invited me to her wedding.
I'll be there with bells on!
This l
|
| 6 |
24-07-2026 04:44 |
There was a documentary on last night about the murder of Ann Widdecombe.
Hom
|
| 6 |
14-07-2026 16:32 |
[Meme]
meme
|
| 6 |
11-07-2026 09:02 |
It's always been my goal in life to be the first man to climb Everest without us
|
| 6 |
06-07-2026 18:37 |
Today's Guardian:
'Nominate your invertebrate of the year'
I'm gonna say K
|
| 6 |
06-07-2026 06:13 |
World Cup News:
Erling Haaland hails ‘one of the sickest days in Norway’s his
|
| 6 |
03-07-2026 19:17 |
I can't believe I've been convicted of 'indecent exposure'. The bloody cheek!
|
| 6 |
03-07-2026 16:05 |
Not saying my luck sucks or anything, but earlier this year I contracted Salmone
|
| 6 |
01-07-2026 20:43 |
My Grandad always used to say, 'Any day above ground is a good day!'
He wasn'
|
| 6 |
01-07-2026 17:22 |
Lethal Weapon star Danny Glover reveals Alzheimer’s diagnosis.
He really is g
|
| 6 |
29-06-2026 18:57 |
Strong aftershock terrifies Venezuelans days after devastating twin quakes.
S
|
| 6 |
27-06-2026 06:09 |
Apparently, the most popular cottaging site for gays in Edinburgh is Calton Hill
|
| 6 |
23-06-2026 17:18 |
My sister recently started working in the porn industry.
I phoned her up to a
|
| 6 |
23-06-2026 10:52 |
I treat my women like I treat my cars.
I get drunk and drive them away.
|
| 6 |
23-06-2026 06:11 |
After some comments I made at work, Human Resources sent me to a Diversity, Equa
|
| 6 |
20-06-2026 18:57 |
I've been trying to give up pornography, but some of the stuff on the Internet m
|
| 6 |
20-06-2026 10:51 |
I always liked that song OJ Simpson wrote for the Spice Girls.
You know the o
|
| 6 |
19-06-2026 05:46 |
'Kill your speed, not a child,' said the TV advert.
Well I've slowed down a b
|
| 6 |
16-06-2026 17:02 |
Whaddaya call a gay Teletubby?
Stinky Winky.
|
| 6 |
15-06-2026 05:58 |
And I would walk five hundred miles,
And I would walk five hundred more,
Just
|
| 6 |
14-06-2026 20:55 |
American singer and comedian Oliver Tree has died in a helicopter crash in Brazi
|
| 6 |
07-06-2026 19:55 |
My last relationship didn't work out, but at least I have full custody of the ki
|
| 6 |
03-06-2026 06:04 |
What did Colonel Gaddafi and Freddie Mercury have in common?
They both died a
|
| 6 |
02-06-2026 10:18 |
What do Matthew Perry and a frog have in common?
They both croak in shallow w
|
| 6 |
29-05-2026 14:50 |
Nicola Sturgeon did not use the kitchen at the home she shared with Peter Murrel
|
| 6 |
23-05-2026 06:52 |
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
The guy who supplies the best LSD.
|
| 6 |
14-05-2026 16:46 |
Opinion piece in today's Independent:
'Wes Streeting has proved he’s no bottler
|
| 6 |
12-05-2026 06:06 |
Reform UK councillor condemned for saying he would like to 'melt down Nigerians
|
| 6 |
04-05-2026 20:42 |
I can't fucking believe I've been suspended from work for 'racial harassment'. T
|
| 6 |
28-04-2026 15:47 |
Sri Lanka police arrest 22 monks after 110kg of cannabis found in luggage.
Go
|
| 5 |
16-08-2026 12:15 |
My mate bet me I wouldn't eat some yellow snow.
It was a piece of piss.
|
| 5 |
11-08-2026 22:12 |
I woke up after a nap on the couch, turned the telly on and realised I'd missed
|
| 5 |
07-08-2026 23:50 |
I went to my GP as I thought I was severely depressed.
He referred me to a psyc
|
| 5 |
25-07-2026 09:10 |
I bought a Jim Morrison satnav, but it's bloody useless.
Just keeps telling m
|
| 5 |
12-07-2026 12:30 |
My wife's unborn baby has shifted position in the womb, and will be born feet-fi
|
| 5 |
09-07-2026 19:59 |
Bonnie Tyler tells TV host Lorraine 'next year I'm going to slow down' in final
|
| 5 |
01-07-2026 17:14 |
A man walks into a cocktail bar and says, 'Barman, I'll have an Erroneous Punchl
|
| 5 |
29-06-2026 21:35 |
A rabbit walks into a bar.
The barman says, 'Why the long face?'
The rabbi
|
| 5 |
29-06-2026 06:43 |
'You can't take it with you when you go,' they say.
Fucking Customs officers
|
| 5 |
27-06-2026 06:10 |
Elton John, David Furnish and Justin Bieber are walking down the street, when Bi
|
| 5 |
21-06-2026 11:59 |
I was in this bar last night, and this bloke with a moustache came up to me and
|
| 5 |
21-06-2026 09:47 |
Had a prawn vindaloo and twelve pints of Guinness last night.
Happy Farter's
|
| 5 |
20-06-2026 11:53 |
During my annual check-up I said, 'Well, Doc, what's the verdict? Think I'll liv
|
| 5 |
15-06-2026 16:25 |
Two men have been found guilty of conspiring to carry out arson attacks on prope
|
| 5 |
14-06-2026 19:53 |
What's better than being a trillionaire?
Not being that cunt Elon Musk.
|
| 5 |
02-06-2026 16:58 |
Communism.
It's not for everyone.
|
| 5 |
26-05-2026 05:11 |
Former SNP treasurer Peter Murrell, the estranged husband of Nicola Sturgeon, fa
|
| 5 |
23-05-2026 06:55 |
Judeath Chalmers.
|
| 5 |
16-05-2026 13:00 |
He who laughs last, laughs loudest.
Usually after you've explained the punchl
|
| 5 |
05-05-2026 11:28 |
*knocks on door*
Woman: 'Yes?'
Me: 'Hi, I saw your advert in the paper sai
|
| 5 |
04-05-2026 11:18 |
What's the difference between an egg and a wank?
I don't have a couple of egg
|
| 5 |
20-04-2026 20:48 |
What's the difference between 'Influencers' and 'Influenza'?
I can tolerate I
|
| 5 |
19-04-2026 16:52 |
I tried to log into my Facebook account recently, only to find I've been permane
|
| 5 |
17-04-2026 15:07 |
Starmer says it is ‘staggering’ and ‘unforgivable’ he was not told Mandelson fai
|
| 5 |
14-04-2026 15:55 |
I saw a pretty lass in the pub last night, so I went over to talk to her.
She
|
| 4 |
12-08-2026 17:01 |
Donald Trump claims he has 'total control' over the Strait of Hormuz.
He's go
|
| 4 |
09-08-2026 01:22 |
My Grandad was a notorious alcoholic, but I think he'd have been proud to know t
|
| 4 |
02-08-2026 11:50 |
A blind man walks into a library and asks, 'Do you have any books on tape?'
T
|
| 4 |
20-07-2026 19:24 |
I saw an elephant at the zoo one time.
It was brown and smelled terrible.
|
| 4 |
15-07-2026 11:13 |
If you can spell Tertiary Syphilis, chances are you don't have it.
|
| 4 |
04-07-2026 21:39 |
Last night I was watching some classic folk horror movie from the early 1970s.
|
| 4 |
04-07-2026 05:59 |
A neurologist has claimed that Donald Trump's kleptomaniac tendencies are 'a cle
|
| 4 |
03-07-2026 19:25 |
In the 1997 TV special An Audience with Elton John, he performed Don't Go Breaki
|
| 4 |
03-07-2026 18:20 |
All this bloody red tape at work since Brexit is driving me up the wall.
At t
|
| 4 |
01-07-2026 17:27 |
Bruce Foxton, bassist with the Jam, reveals Parkinson’s diagnosis.
On the plu
|
| 4 |
28-06-2026 21:33 |
At my anger management session the counsellor said, 'You've spent most of your a
|
| 4 |
28-06-2026 16:23 |
I'm the best Elvis impersonator for miles around.
I can't sing a note, but I
|
| 4 |
28-06-2026 14:51 |
I was in the pub last night, and some drunken young wanker called me a poof.
|
| 4 |
28-06-2026 10:24 |
I once took a girl to see Star Wars on a date.
I really wanted to Leia, but s
|
| 4 |
28-06-2026 10:20 |
'Do you know your blood type?'
'O Positive.'
'Are you sure?'
'Oh, posit
|
| 4 |
14-06-2026 13:40 |
This hot chick came into the pub last night, looking really sexy in her fishnets
|
| 4 |
12-06-2026 21:10 |
The girls around town call me 'The Terminator'.
I'm not muscular or tough, bu
|
| 4 |
12-06-2026 21:07 |
One time I was out driving and I got stuck behind a learner, trundling along at
|
| 4 |
09-06-2026 06:05 |
I use my compact video camera to secretly film my brothel visits.
It's a GoPr
|
| 4 |
05-06-2026 23:07 |
Fuck off, officer!
I was only keeping those ladies' skins until they asked fo
|
| 4 |
26-05-2026 15:55 |
'Find something you love doing, and you'll never work a day in your life!'
Es
|
| 4 |
18-05-2026 21:10 |
Facebook's 'acceptable content' algorithm is bigoted, by the way. So much for a
|
| 4 |
06-05-2026 16:09 |
I don't get these Christians who say homosexuality is an abomination.
It's ri
|
| 4 |
19-04-2026 19:22 |
At the bus stop today, two pregnant women struck up a conversation.
One patte
|
| 4 |
18-04-2026 10:23 |
I much prefer it when women make eye contact during sex.
Which can be quite f
|
| 4 |
16-04-2026 05:37 |
Police are investigating claims Katy Perry sexually assaulted the Australian act
|
| 3 |
26-07-2026 14:36 |
Ironic how most right-wing American 'Christians' claim to be against abortion, b
|
| 3 |
20-07-2026 18:43 |
I was playing Mortal Kombat earlier when my wife got home from work.
She swit
|
| 3 |
18-07-2026 09:24 |
Home Alone 2 star dies age 80, following health problems.
Fuck. It was Brenda
|
| 3 |
15-07-2026 05:42 |
Ann Widdecombe murder: police investigate possibility killer was a lefty, as her
|
| 3 |
09-07-2026 16:11 |
The Clacton byelection should be interesting, with only two candidates.
Count
|
| 3 |
04-07-2026 19:56 |
Women, what are they like?
Me and the missus made a double-date last weekend
|
| 3 |
02-07-2026 05:34 |
Village People singer dies following 'short, aggressive illness'.
You Mean Ca
|
| 3 |
28-06-2026 22:39 |
British firms to get £3,000 for every long-term jobless youngster they hire.
Gr
|
| 3 |
27-06-2026 10:49 |
US man who claims to have world’s smallest penis launches fundraiser for enlarge
|
| 3 |
24-06-2026 10:05 |
Sydney woman attacked by shark wakes briefly from coma to say three words.
'F
|
| 3 |
12-06-2026 17:51 |
Scottish bakery company announces free sausage rolls for every Scotland victory
|
| 3 |
12-06-2026 11:15 |
I'm proud to say that not one animal died so I could eat today.
Three did.
|
| 3 |
31-05-2026 11:46 |
Madonna was a lot sexier back in the eighties.
She's not so hot now since she
|
| 3 |
20-05-2026 16:02 |
'Dress for the job you want, not the job you have,' the life coach advised me.
|
| 3 |
16-05-2026 16:10 |
Mick Jagger and Eric Clapton win battle to stop 29-storey block being built by T
|
| 3 |
04-05-2026 15:51 |
My date last night:
'You know, the one thing I can't stand in this life is im
|
| 3 |
29-04-2026 06:10 |
Last night I watched that Charlie's Angels movie sequel with Cameron Diaz and De
|
| 3 |
26-04-2026 11:10 |
Influencer (whatever the fuck that means) Klaudiaglam, dies 6 days after being r
|
| 3 |
25-04-2026 10:13 |
My dentist was puzzled as to why I needed fillings, despite brushing twice a day
|
| 3 |
19-04-2026 19:22 |
After taking all their land and forcing them on to reservations, white America e
|
| 3 |
16-04-2026 13:06 |
Meghan Markle is flogging £1,700 tickets to a wellness retreat in Sydney, descri
|
| 3 |
13-04-2026 20:01 |
Meta is working on an AI clone of Mark Zuckerberg, so people can chat online wit
|
| 2 |
09-08-2026 20:16 |
I once dated a chiropractor.
She was a real head-turner.
|
| 2 |
02-07-2026 19:19 |
Married at First Sight UK cast member arrested on suspicion of rape.
Consumma
|
| 2 |
08-06-2026 20:42 |
Donald Trump is a very passionate politician.
He's always losing his shit.
|
| 2 |
31-05-2026 11:44 |
The week in politics:
Trump tears apart his number two and refuses to crown h
|
| 2 |
24-05-2026 14:41 |
Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor faces police investigation into alleged inappropriate
|
| 2 |
18-05-2026 15:58 |
Several Royal Protection Officers are under investigation after falling asleep o
|
| 2 |
12-05-2026 21:27 |
Donald Trump says he's against socialism and communism in all their forms.
Ye
|
| 2 |
07-05-2026 11:15 |
FedEx driver who abducted and murdered 7 year old girl sentenced to death.
W
|
| 2 |
29-04-2026 05:47 |
Dances With Wolves star Nathan Chasing Horse sentenced to life in prison.
Don
|
| 2 |
14-04-2026 15:52 |
What kind of paving did Hitler have on his driveway?
Monobollock.
|
| 1 |
04-07-2026 19:59 |
Kind of ironic that Donald Trump made a lot of his money as a slum landlord who
|
| 1 |
01-05-2026 20:04 |
I'm pushing 60.
I'm 23, but fuck it, grab a granny night at my local you take
|
| 1 |
23-04-2026 11:23 |
Bag snatcher who targeted Kristi Noem sentenced to three years in prison.
Gr
|
| 0 |
17-07-2026 13:50 |
B
|
