I met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet, and we ended up having sex right there and then. I fucking love my new Taser.
Dark notbaldbob (245) · 14-07-2026 0608'If we die, we die together': Wife who held on to her husband's legs after he was sucked out of Ryanair jet window at 20,000ft describes battle to save him. My wife would have been pushing.
Aviation ponga (155) · 14-07-2026 0153
I was flying with Ryanair when suddenly there was a violent cabin depressurization. The oxygen masks were deployed. I put mine on, but there was no oxygen! In a panic, I grabbed a cabin attendant. "NO OXYGEN!" I shouted. "IT'S COIN OPERATED", she replied.
Aviation OkiPaul (100) · 14-07-2026 0100I took to animal cruelty like a duck to lighter fluid.
Animals theverydevilhimself (1592) · 13-07-2026 2132"Doctor Doctor my nose wont stop bleeding" "Did you pick it" "No I was born with it you daft twat".
Silly Joeydeaconsbastard (714) · 13-07-2026 2104Karen came into my restaurant the other day and asked, "Can you tell me about the menu please?" So I kicked her out and told her that the men I please are none of her business!!
Sex n Shit Allobosca (2416) · 13-07-2026 2104Turns out, "How about ten quid?" is actually a pretty effective chat-up line in Liverpool.
Sex n Shit Irishstu (46) · 13-07-2026 2054
It was awkward teaching my kids about the “birds and the bees”… None of them could get wet enough.
Incest Cockwomble (40) · 13-07-2026 1901
Sambo Sambo where you going Going go e oh. Sambo Sambo what you gonna do e oh. Sambo Sambo does your mother know. You're going to the park. To stab another niggero.
Not sure if I should be concerned, but I've just found my wife's wank sock.
Sex n Shit notbaldbob (245) · 13-07-2026 1833
They say size doesn't matter. But all my wallpaper fell off
The gorgeous girl next door has started running. Every time I start to open my coat.
Childproof your house all you want. They still fucking get in.
Silly notbaldbob (245) · 13-07-2026 1404
Go on Google and search for, "What space movie was made in 1992"... (You're welcome).
What's orange and shits itself? Prince Harry in a tunnel...
RIP Sam Neill "Houston, we have a problem" What a line and delivery. Love Bruce Willis
Death LennysCrevasse (315) · 13-07-2026 1228
Sam Neill has died aged 78. His family said the loss was sudden and unexpected. Death, uh… finds a way.
Celebrities WayOutWest (100) · 13-07-2026 0959They say that size doesn't matter. I've spent half an hour trying to get these shoes on.
General Squeaky (1205) · 13-07-2026 0944Britain can’t deport rape gang leader Shabir Ahmed. Shame we can’t deport him back to when England had some balls.
Pedophile WayOutWest (100) · 13-07-2026 0840