What's the easiest way to become a small business owner in the UK? Buy a big business and wait...........
Political Stickyagain (2104) · 12-10-2026 0906Some mornings I wake up grumpy. Other mornings I leave her asleep.
General Squeaky (2117) · 12-10-2026 0740My wife asked me, "We've been married 20 years. Honestly how old do I look?" "By your hair I'd say 27, by your skin I'd say 24, and by your figure I'd say 20", I replied. "That's a lovely thing to say", she said. "Hold on, I haven't finished adding them up yet", I replied...
spike125 (2611) · 12-10-2026 0708
A Muslim was sat next to me on a plane. I asked the stewardess to bring me a gin. She politely asked the Muslim if he'd like something to drink. "I'd rather have a dozen whores than have one drop of alcohol touch my lips", he responded in disgust. I handed the stewardess my drink back and said, "Actually I'll have what he's having. I didn't know we had a choice"...
spike125 (2611) · 12-10-2026 0540A sheepdog returns to the farmer and said, "I've got your 70 sheep back in the east pen". "What?", exclaimed the farmer, "I've got 67 sheep, not 70". "I know", replied the sheepdog, "I rounded them up"...
spike125 (2611) · 12-10-2026 0356The boss was complaining during the staff meeting that he wasn't getting any respect from his employees. The following day he bought a sign that read, "I'm the boss". He then taped it to his door. Later that day when he returned from lunch he found that someone had taped a note to it that said, "Your wife called, she wants her sign back"...
spike125 (2611) · 12-10-2026 0343A farmer bought a young rooster to replace his old one. As soon as it arrived it shagged every chicken. After lunch he did it again! The next day it did all the ducks before moving on to the geese the following day. Eventually the farmer finds the rooster flat out and with several vultures circling overhead. "Can't say you didn't earn it you crazy little bastard", said the farmer. The rooster opened one eye and whispered, "Shh, they're about to land"...
spike125 (2611) · 12-10-2026 0334
Apparently, there's nothing funny about running over a cyclist. The judge certainly didn't think the laugh track I added to the dashcam footage was acceptable.
Cyclists mrjayhey (194) · 11-10-2026 2133Officials have stated that that Siberian tiger will not be euthanized for eating that thick cunt who climbed into his cage. The decision was made on conservationist principles given that the world's population of Siberian tigers is thought to be as low as five hundred whereas the world's population of thick cunts is worryingly high.
In The News Hengist (964) · 11-10-2026 2049
My wife came home from Tesco complaining that the cashier was a right royal bitch. I asked her if she was on the self service checkout, and that's why the fight started...
spike125 (2611) · 11-10-2026 1419While massaging my head my wife asked, "Sweetheart, before we got married who used to massage your head?". "Before we got married I never used to have a headache", I replied... (Luckily I'm due to be released from hospital in about 3 weeks.....).
spike125 (2611) · 11-10-2026 1407I was invited onto a game show with the wife's family. "Name something you'd do on your wedding day", the host asked me. Apparently, "the bridesmaid" was the wrong thing to say...
spike125 (2611) · 11-10-2026 1353Paddy says to Mick, "I'm thinking of going on holiday again but I might do something different this time. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Turkey and Mary got pregnant. And last year I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant ". Mick asks, "So what are you doing differently this year?". Paddy replied, "This year I'm going to take Mary with me!"...
spike125 (2611) · 11-10-2026 1349
Pope Leo said on Sunday that doctors had detected a small growth on his lung during a recent health check. That's Catholic code for Cylmidia.
Religion › Catholic Guilt Catholic Guilt ponga (491) · 11-10-2026 1222People always say, "That’s the best thing since sliced bread!" But do you know what the best thing before sliced bread was? Being prescribed medicinal cocaine by a barber to cure the ghosts in your blood.