| 18 |
17-05-2026 09:22 |
I was blessed with a large penis.
I would have preferred Holy Water.
|
| 11 |
13-05-2026 09:22 |
I asked my wife if she would like me to buy her a diamond ring for our wedding a
|
| 11 |
09-05-2026 09:29 |
The wife and I went dogging last night.
By the time she had parked the car, e
|
| 10 |
16-05-2026 09:14 |
Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
I know that now.
|
| 10 |
11-05-2026 09:17 |
I phoned the tinnitus helpline today.
It just kept ringing.
|
| 10 |
21-04-2026 09:05 |
I just invented a new word.
Plagiarism.
|
| 10 |
28-12-2025 16:02 |
I always sweat a lot when I have sex.
Probably due to the wool in my balaclava.
|
| 9 |
20-05-2026 09:18 |
I am proud to announce that I have finished writing my book.
It is called, How
|
| 9 |
18-05-2026 09:24 |
My wife and I watched three movies back to back last night.
Fortunately I was
|
| 9 |
08-05-2026 09:46 |
How do you get a pikey to take a bath?
Leave it outside the front of your hou
|
| 9 |
01-02-2026 10:40 |
Two flies decided to have a race from one side of a black man's lips to the othe
|
| 9 |
11-01-2026 16:25 |
There's a woman in our pub who is so ugly that if she gives you a blowjob it cou
|
| 9 |
29-12-2025 19:41 |
' Why does everyone think that Chinese people look the same,father? ' said the s
|
| 8 |
15-05-2026 09:15 |
I was devastated to find out that Mr Potato Head is very ill.
He has a brain
|
| 8 |
01-04-2026 09:19 |
I met a man who played the triangle in a Jamaican Reggae Band.
When I asked him
|
| 8 |
06-03-2026 10:20 |
I went on an African Safari and got lost.
Somehow,I stumbled across a tribe tha
|
| 8 |
05-03-2026 10:01 |
There's a big orange rabbit walking round our village telling everyone that I'm
|
| 8 |
19-02-2026 11:11 |
My phone rang unexpectedly.
' Hello, this is Mr Richardson here, your son's mus
|
| 8 |
11-02-2026 10:40 |
A man phones his wife late at night.
' Where the fuck are you? ' the wife screa
|
| 8 |
05-02-2026 11:21 |
I do an evening of stand up comedy and jokes for the patients at our local Hospi
|
| 8 |
18-01-2026 09:19 |
It had been playing on my mind for some time and I just had to find out.
' Mum,
|
| 8 |
03-01-2026 10:31 |
I had only been seeing my girlfriend for two weeks when she was killed in a car
|
| 7 |
22-05-2026 09:17 |
Stayed in a five star hotel in Nigeria last week.
I knew it was five star bec
|
| 7 |
15-03-2026 10:07 |
If the Americans had known how much trouble the niggers were going to cause they
|
| 7 |
25-02-2026 11:20 |
Many years ago,the Spanish discovered a new country and they called it Argentina
|
| 7 |
22-02-2026 10:32 |
A famous artist who had brown fingers.
Picasso.
|
| 7 |
21-02-2026 10:48 |
Paedophiles are nasty, irritating bastards.But,to be fair,you will never see the
|
| 7 |
20-02-2026 10:54 |
I went to the dentist today and he said I should have a crown.
I thought,
At l
|
| 7 |
27-01-2026 12:07 |
There is one thing that white men and black men do have in common.
They don't l
|
| 7 |
20-01-2026 09:55 |
Our family were so poor that my mother used to send me next door with a button a
|
| 7 |
13-01-2026 17:00 |
Found an old lamp whilst I was out walking yesterday.When I gave it a rub a big
|
| 6 |
12-05-2026 09:23 |
Three Scouse girls return to their block of high rise flats.
The nine year ol
|
| 6 |
10-05-2026 09:47 |
I enjoy masturbating twice a day.
The other three times are a bit of a chore.
|
| 6 |
01-05-2026 09:05 |
Joined a gang at school called The Secret Six.
They were so good I never foun
|
| 6 |
09-04-2026 09:13 |
What do you call a black man in disguise?
Incognegro.
|
| 6 |
06-04-2026 10:11 |
Women and dog shit.
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
|
| 6 |
22-03-2026 10:27 |
Never had a seaside holiday in the UK before,so we booked a week at Skegness.
O
|
| 6 |
20-03-2026 10:27 |
I went for a job interview yesterday.
The manager handed me a pen and a piece o
|
| 6 |
16-03-2026 11:14 |
I saw a book advertised on the internet that guarantees to reduce your debt by 5
|
| 6 |
09-03-2026 10:14 |
Hamish lived a very frugal life in the Highlands.
One day he came home to find
|
| 6 |
04-03-2026 10:08 |
I saw a black man with seven fingers today.
Turns out he was eating a Kit-Kat
|
| 6 |
01-03-2026 11:18 |
A black man picks up a white woman in a nightclub.
When they get home the woman
|
| 6 |
26-02-2026 10:52 |
I always feel so proud when I tell people that some of my father's work is curre
|
| 6 |
25-01-2026 12:00 |
I will never forgive my sister for marrying a black man.
Every time we have a f
|
| 6 |
12-01-2026 16:31 |
I think I might have something wrong with one of my testicles.
The middle one i
|
| 5 |
24-05-2026 07:48 |
Why on earth is there three t's in stutter?
|
| 5 |
06-05-2026 09:38 |
An extensive ten year study that has cost millions of pounds has just revealed t
|
| 5 |
03-05-2026 08:35 |
I decided to write my 2025 Diary with invisible ink.
When I went to look back t
|
| 5 |
30-04-2026 10:00 |
What is the difference between a lost golf ball and Lady Godiva?
One is a hun
|
| 5 |
29-04-2026 09:45 |
Got chatting to a stunning bird in the pub last night.
' Are you a lover or a
|
| 5 |
24-04-2026 09:26 |
I like to fuck two women in bed.
Why?
Because when I'm done they have some
|
| 5 |
22-04-2026 09:37 |
My 91 year old mother phoned me up to say she had had enough of living and asked
|
| 5 |
19-04-2026 09:38 |
Paddy: I'm going to Majorca on holiday this year.
Mick: It's not Majorca it's
|
| 5 |
18-04-2026 09:26 |
My grandad died when I was quite young.I'll never forget his last words.
' Wi
|
| 5 |
15-04-2026 09:12 |
I really know how to turn on a woman.
By the time we are ready to fuck, she i
|
| 5 |
12-04-2026 09:19 |
I attended my first Liars Anonymous meeting last night.
They asked me to talk f
|
| 5 |
10-04-2026 09:20 |
What is the most dangerous drug in prison?
Viagra.
|
| 5 |
05-04-2026 09:23 |
At the end of the Last Supper Jesus was handed the bill.
He began shaking his h
|
| 5 |
27-03-2026 10:19 |
The landlord in our local says he doesn't water the beer down but every time he
|
| 5 |
26-03-2026 10:22 |
God shows Adam and Eve the Garden of Eden and explains it is their paradise.Both
|
| 5 |
24-03-2026 10:21 |
The definition of love.
When you meet someone you want to fuck twice.
|
| 5 |
19-03-2026 10:50 |
My father was a strict disciplinarian.
If he caught me swearing he would wash m
|
| 5 |
17-03-2026 10:21 |
The Beatles have decided to release their last ever album.
It's absolutely rubb
|
| 5 |
12-03-2026 10:04 |
My wife likes to talk during sex.
Last week she phoned me from the back of a
|
| 5 |
03-03-2026 10:02 |
When the waiter brought my meal to the table I said, ' Why have you got your thu
|
| 5 |
28-02-2026 10:57 |
Bought some fish for our garden pond last week but we hardly ever see them.
A
|
| 5 |
23-02-2026 11:37 |
Paedophiles and clocks.
They don't go past twelve.
|
| 5 |
14-02-2026 10:53 |
Megan Markle launches new website
MeMeMe.com
|
| 5 |
12-02-2026 10:58 |
I told Anthony Joshua he was a big, useless, black bastard
then put the pho
|
| 5 |
07-02-2026 11:22 |
I went for a walk through the park and I kept hearing, ' Mark ', ' Mark,Mark '.
|
| 5 |
06-02-2026 11:25 |
I couldn't understand why it was taking me longer to wash my face.
Then I rea
|
| 5 |
31-01-2026 10:51 |
My ambition was to be a gynaecologist.
But I failed the entrance exam.
|
| 5 |
23-01-2026 11:54 |
Did you know that Raheem Sterling and Marcus Rashford both had the same nickname
|
| 5 |
15-01-2026 15:30 |
A lot of people don't like Jimmy Savile but when I met him we had a great time.
|
| 5 |
14-01-2026 16:31 |
When my father died,all he left me was an atlas.
It meant the world to me.
|
| 5 |
09-01-2026 15:01 |
Just discovered that I am a victim of identity theft.
Be warned,there are now
|
| 5 |
07-01-2026 11:49 |
Had a hearing test yesterday to prove to my family I wasn't going deaf.
Of cour
|
| 5 |
05-01-2026 11:05 |
Handy Tip.
To avoid any confusion with the keys to your house,get a pink one fo
|
| 4 |
21-05-2026 09:34 |
When I went to Sicily on holiday I saw an Italian man wearing an expensive t-shi
|
| 4 |
04-05-2026 09:33 |
An alien space ship captured three humans to study their brains.
The first huma
|
| 4 |
02-05-2026 09:21 |
Always fancied going to see a clairvoyant so I made an appointment.
When I was
|
| 4 |
28-04-2026 09:19 |
You will never see a redneck girl in a reversed cowgirl position when she has se
|
| 4 |
25-04-2026 09:15 |
People often ask me what it's like working with individuals who have a learning
|
| 4 |
23-04-2026 09:21 |
Constipation.
Same shit different day.
|
| 4 |
20-04-2026 09:34 |
My wife and I got divorced because we wanted different things in our marriage.
|
| 4 |
17-04-2026 09:18 |
Chuck Norris liked his meat so rare he only ate unicorns.
|
| 4 |
11-04-2026 09:27 |
My wife is going to leave me because she says I am obsessed with Africa.
Keny
|
| 4 |
04-04-2026 09:31 |
My brother was born by cesarean section.
He said it didn't affect him in any wa
|
| 4 |
28-03-2026 10:39 |
Sometimes I go into town and do some busking.
I love to entertain the passers b
|
| 4 |
11-03-2026 10:29 |
I'll never forget when I came home early one day to find my parents having sex.
|
| 4 |
10-03-2026 10:26 |
I bought a large quantity of whoopee cushions at a very cheap price.
I decided
|
| 4 |
08-03-2026 10:14 |
Many people are unaware that Jimmy Savile was an accomplished musician.
He st
|
| 4 |
07-03-2026 10:02 |
I saw a man break the World Record for holding your breath underwater in our loc
|
| 4 |
27-02-2026 11:24 |
What do pikeys and cigarettes have in common?
They come in packs
They stink li
|
| 4 |
24-02-2026 10:57 |
I am absolutely rubbish at DIY.
My door is always open.
|
| 4 |
18-02-2026 10:28 |
My wife and I both enjoy a cigarette but we would never subject our kids to the
|
| 4 |
16-02-2026 10:38 |
Decided to do something completely different and went to an Opera.
What a fanta
|
| 4 |
15-02-2026 11:03 |
My wife and I had a candlelit dinner last evening.
It was barely lukewarm.
|
| 4 |
10-02-2026 11:54 |
The hardest thing about being a paedophile is,
fitting in.
|
| 4 |
04-02-2026 11:02 |
Whenever I see Keir Starmer he reminds me of a woodpecker with a rubber beak.
|
| 4 |
02-02-2026 10:36 |
I have always been terrified of giants.
After being seen and assessed by a clin
|
| 4 |
30-01-2026 10:37 |
I had been stranded on a desert island for weeks and I couldn't believe my eyes
|
| 4 |
29-01-2026 11:34 |
Met a very friendly Arab chap when I was on holiday in Dubai.
Sheikh Mahand.
|
| 4 |
28-01-2026 11:32 |
It's always better to give than receive.
Especially if you are in prison.
|
| 4 |
24-01-2026 12:14 |
You can only call it a blowjob if you are a prostitute/sex worker.
|
| 4 |
22-01-2026 11:05 |
I always remember getting through to the final of the Blow Football competition.
|
| 4 |
21-01-2026 10:36 |
I sometimes find myself crying when I have sex.
It all depends if the woman has
|
| 4 |
19-01-2026 09:22 |
Picked up a Chinese last night.
He was very fucking angry.
|
| 4 |
16-01-2026 15:35 |
Professor Kaltzenheimer attended our AA meeting and told us he had developed a t
|
| 4 |
10-01-2026 16:38 |
Me and my old limbo dancing group decided to have a reunion.
We go back a long
|
| 4 |
08-01-2026 14:51 |
The fact that Jesus didn't have a fair trial,called everyone brother and liked g
|
| 4 |
06-01-2026 11:20 |
I may not be a gynaecologist,
but I know a cunt when I see one.
|
| 4 |
04-01-2026 11:05 |
Walking through the park yesterday I saw a boy flailing his arms around and maki
|
| 4 |
27-12-2025 14:43 |
I often think of my grandfather who died in Auschwitz.
He slipped and fell of a
|
| 4 |
26-12-2025 09:57 |
I haven't had sex for so long it feels as though I'm married again.
|
| 3 |
19-05-2026 09:29 |
Remember.
A vagina is an arsehole with wings.
|
| 3 |
26-04-2026 09:31 |
When my father passed away,the only thing he left me was an atlas.
It meant t
|
| 3 |
16-04-2026 10:26 |
My interview was going well.
The manager said, ' We've spoken about your strong
|
| 3 |
13-04-2026 09:17 |
I love watching snooker on the telly.
My highest break is 131.
Red-Green-Red
|
| 3 |
08-04-2026 08:57 |
I'm not saying that I have a big cock but every time I get a hard-on my feet go
|
| 3 |
02-04-2026 09:25 |
' My half brother is coming to visit us from Australia next month. '
' I thou
|
| 3 |
31-03-2026 09:11 |
When I told my wife that all the electrical appliances in the house talk to me s
|
| 3 |
30-03-2026 09:29 |
Our family was so poor that I would buy 5lbs of mince and we would sew it togeth
|
| 3 |
29-03-2026 09:24 |
Cod
Haddock
Fish Cake
Steak and Kidney Pie
Chicken and Mushroom Pie
Batter
|
| 3 |
25-03-2026 10:27 |
The woman across from me in the train was absolutely stunning and I gave her my
|
| 3 |
21-03-2026 10:41 |
I read a book about joining metals and plastics by inserting a metal pin through
|
| 3 |
18-03-2026 10:17 |
I have an EpiPen.
As my friend lay dying,it seemed important to him that I had
|
| 3 |
14-03-2026 10:11 |
Couldn't believe my luck when I found a beanie hat with some money in it.
Then
|
| 3 |
02-03-2026 11:05 |
I called in at a village pub for a quiet pint.
When I went to the toilet I coul
|
| 3 |
17-02-2026 10:36 |
Three things that never lie;
1. Young children
2. Drunks
3. Leggings
|
| 3 |
13-02-2026 10:40 |
I don't want to sound big headed but I couldn't get my jumper on this morning.
|
| 3 |
09-02-2026 12:20 |
If you only have two hours left to live,watch a Scottish football match.
Then i
|
| 3 |
08-02-2026 11:33 |
Hey, Luigi!
You lika da women witha da juicy lips?
Si,I jussa lova da juicy
|
| 3 |
03-02-2026 11:04 |
My girlfriend is 18 and quite a bit younger than me.
When we went to the pub la
|
| 3 |
26-01-2026 11:30 |
United Kingdom
HMS His Majesty's Ship
USA
USS United States Ship
I
|
| 3 |
02-01-2026 09:59 |
Which singer had a fear of sunlight?
Gladys Knight.
|
| 3 |
01-01-2026 09:49 |
Our managers brought in a motivational speaker to encourage us to do better.
He
|
| 3 |
30-12-2025 19:52 |
I attended my first Flatulence Anonymous group meeting last week.
The Co-ordina
|
| 3 |
24-12-2025 15:48 |
The T-shirt was originally called the Tyrannosaurus Shirt.
Because of the short
|
| 2 |
14-05-2026 10:05 |
An elderly Jewish couple order sirloin steaks with all the trimmings.
When the
|
| 2 |
05-05-2026 09:13 |
I witnessed a miracle yesterday.
A blind carpenter picked up a hammer and saw
|
| 2 |
27-04-2026 10:18 |
Took a woman home from the pub last night.She didn't look too bad , noticed had
|
| 2 |
14-04-2026 09:49 |
Went to Spain on holiday and decided to go for a drink.
I got really annoyed wi
|
| 2 |
07-04-2026 09:32 |
I know that Stevie Wonder is blind but I heard that his dick can lip read.
|
| 2 |
03-04-2026 09:30 |
Went into town today to hire a private detective,he is very highly recommended.
|
| 2 |
23-03-2026 10:16 |
Went to Liverpool once,never again.
My wife had her bag stolen.
She has a co
|
| 2 |
13-03-2026 11:31 |
If your bidet isn't working don't worry!
Just turn the shower on and do a han
|
| 1 |
07-05-2026 09:36 |
Helen Keller had a very large belly button.
Her boyfriend was blind as well.
|
