My new girlfriend is an insufferable, teetotal vegan. She never shuts up about animal rights and eats nothing but fruit, nuts, legumes and wholegrain muesli. On the plus side she is very skinny. And her shit tastes great!
Vegan/Vegetarian ianwatkins 🥈 🥈 🥉 (1238) · 17-06-2026 0723Women are like spiders. I don't mind seeing one or two from time to time, but the big hairy ones can fuck right off.
Sexist theverydevilhimself 🥇 (769) · 17-06-2026 0644Guy walks out of a public toilet in a London park as another fella is a walking in. "I'd give that 20 minutes, mate, if I were you!' "Aw, you dropped a reeker? A stinker?" "Nah. I just murdered a prostitute."
Sex n Shit OkiPaul (58) · 17-06-2026 0405I've often wondered, if I was stuck on a desert island with a gay guy, no women around, no animals, and every day we are both working really hard to survive and getting leaner and more muscular, if one night a crate of whisky washes up and we were really drunk sitting by the fire underneath the stars... How long before I killed him and cooked him on the fire?
I never see any niggers out jogging round our estate. They must be using Persil. It stops coloureds running.
Racist Squeaky (984) · 17-06-2026 0910Coming soon to Amazon Prime: Clarkson Buys the Farm
Cancer theverydevilhimself 🥇 (769) · 17-06-2026 1542My wife was getting undressed in the bedroom. I said "move away from the window would you, the neighbour's will think I married you for your money"
Wife Stickyagain (438) · 17-06-2026 1151Been watching Portugal playing Congo, and I'm sorely disappointed. Didn't see a single one of them drinking UmBongo.
Sports scotty (111) · 17-06-2026 1813A few years back, I arranged to meet a policeman via a chat room. When I opened the door to meet them, there was a 12 year old girl standing there.
Pedophile Stickyagain (438) · 17-06-2026 1751"...and on that bombshell..." Finally, he's not being sarcastic.
Cancer scotty (111) · 17-06-2026 1908Why didn't Karen Carpenter ever visit Ethiopia? She couldn't deal with the sight of so many fat people
Disease/Illness LennysCrevasse (152) · 17-06-2026 1803"I think I'll try the smothered chicken" "Certainly sir, and anything to finish?" "Oh I think a pillowcase should do it"
Dark LennysCrevasse (152) · 17-06-2026 1818The final episode of the last series of Clarkson’s Farm ended with Jeremy Clarkson revealing he had prostate cancer. Spoiler alert- he's still going strong a year later...
Cancer nausicaa (59) · 17-06-2026 1647Jeremy Clarkson diagnosed with the C word. Cuntism?
Cancer ianwatkins 🥈 🥈 🥉 (1238) · 17-06-2026 0808I went to school with someone who was quite sexually precocious and who quickly built up a reputation for being a bit of a legend. They were honoured with the nickname 'Shagger Davies'. To be honest, she really hated it!
Sex n Shit DdraigGoch (394) · 17-06-2026 2221