It will take some effort to get the coffin lid down.
My kids are scared of flies. They always start to cry when I unzip mine.
The families of the five pikeys killed in the A66 crash have gathered at the scene of the accident, to see if there's any scrap metal still lying around.
Gypsies › Scrap Metal Scrap Metal theverydevilhimself 🥉 🥈 🥇 (2917) · 25-08-2026 1745What's better than 2 dead coppers? 5 dead pikeys.
Gypsies › Police Raid Police Raid theverydevilhimself 🥉 🥈 🥇 (2917) · 23-08-2026 2221What's the difference between a black woman from the 1800s and a black woman today.. The type of lashes they get.
Racist Pasty (38) · 28-08-2026 0552Cleveland Police. Tackling crime head on.
Motoring › Boy Racer Boy Racer scotty (462) · 24-08-2026 1936I work for an organization that hands out clothes to the poor and disadvantaged. Primark
Work/Workplace › Minimum Wage Minimum Wage Stickyagain 🥇 (1902) · 23-08-2026 1334I'm not saying Pakis smell bad, but I spoke to one over an hour ago and I'm still gagging. And that was on the phone.
Pakistani theverydevilhimself 🥉 🥈 🥇 (2917) · 27-08-2026 1803It must be great being a necrophiliac. You can just go straight up to someone and tell them you fancy them rotten.
Sex n Shit theverydevilhimself 🥉 🥈 🥇 (2917) · 27-08-2026 1544Which word ends in anal? Chloroform.
My wife suggested I take the kids skimming down the river. The 2-yr-old went the furthest.
Age/Elderly garry6291 (617) · 28-08-2026 1049I met this girl in a club and she was all over me, she whispered in my ear "I want you to fuck me me really badly" She wasn't disappointed.
Sex n Shit Stickyagain 🥇 (1902) · 27-08-2026 1849Residents in Bradford who are being kept awake at night by fireworks set off by the city's Asian community have launched a petition asking the government to ban them. I signed it enthusiastically but then I realised they meant the fireworks.
Pakistani Hengist (694) · 27-08-2026 1230How can you tell when you are a good rapist? When she gets on top halfway through Credit, the old wiki site , in pre insect days
If you rape someone properly, there's no need to kill them. They'll do that themselves
Nashville have said they plan to have a statue of Dolly Parton made. It would be more appropriate to have a bust!
Celebrity Death jjbomber (134) · 25-08-2026 1952The estate agent was showing me round the only flat I could afford. He said "there's the fridge and washing machine, shall we go indoors now."
The go fund me collection for the two policemen tragically killed in Cleveland has reached over £700,000 …..and for the pikey lookalikes…. Two washing machines and old iron gate and a rusty bike with one wheel
In The News › Crime Wave Report Crime Wave Report HaveIGotnews (77) · 25-08-2026 1038Every week, hundreds of sex offenders have go to the police station. To start work.
Little Leroy says to little Tanisha, 'Wanna play Mummies and Daddies?' 'Sure,' she replies. So he fucks off.
Racist theverydevilhimself 🥉 🥈 🥇 (2917) · 22-08-2026 1937My best friend's wife died after being hit by a car. He asked me if I would say a few words at her funeral. ' Stop,Look and Listen, ' didn't go down very well.
Accidents/Injuries › Car Crash Car Crash Squeaky (1654) · 28-08-2026 0741So, come up to the lab... And see what's on the slab. Oh, it's me. RIP Frank Furter.
Celebrity Death scotty (462) · 26-08-2026 1716Loving the tributes to "King Kev" Keegan at St James' Park today. That's what I like to see, KKK flags everywhere.
Football scotty (462) · 23-08-2026 1535Last Christmas I got the Katie Price advent calendar. If you open its flaps you end up with some really thick chocolate.
Disability theverydevilhimself 🥉 🥈 🥇 (2917) · 22-08-2026 1936I met this really hot girl who was into green issues and the environment in a big way. She later dumped me when she found out my erection wasn't sustainable.
Green /Environment / Carbon Neutral Stickyagain 🥇 (1902) · 27-08-2026 1912I'm so ugly I have to roofie my hand.
Rape / Sexual Violence theverydevilhimself 🥉 🥈 🥇 (2917) · 27-08-2026 1801All this rain on the same weekend as Manchester Pride. It's as if God hates gay people.
AIDS › Gay Plague Era Gay Plague Era ianwatkins 🥈 🥉 (1985) · 27-08-2026 1515Ask your wife to sit on her hand til it goes numb, before wanking you off. It'll feel like her sister's doing it.
Wife scotty (462) · 27-08-2026 1236The best part about having schizophrenia is that a wank turns into an orgy!
Mentally Ill/Mental Health innit (682) · 27-08-2026 0647I was trying to chat up a girl in a bar. She said " I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last man on earth" I said "if I were the last man on earth, who would stop me?"
Sex n Shit Stickyagain 🥇 (1902) · 26-08-2026 1550I saw a Chinese shoplifter at work and I shouted "hey you" he shouted back "how you know my name?" Coat off the peg already
Crime Stickyagain 🥇 (1902) · 25-08-2026 1638My pikey neighbour keeps all his cash under a mattress. Good idea, I'd never think of looking in the front garden either.
Gypsies Stickyagain 🥇 (1902) · 25-08-2026 1303"What we know about the 33 British nationals missing in Nepal" They're all dead and their lungs are full of mud?
In The News › Weather Extreme Weather Extreme ianwatkins 🥈 🥉 (1985) · 28-08-2026 1739A black man walks into a petrol station and says, 'Give me all the money in the till, or I'll blow you away!' The cashier replies, 'But you haven't got a gun!' He says, 'Sorry, force of habit. Pump number four, please.'
Racist › Colourist Jokes Colourist Jokes theverydevilhimself 🥉 🥈 🥇 (2917) · 28-08-2026 1444It's really sad that Dolly didn't make it to nine-ty five. Fuck off admin, that's my best shot.
Celebrities › Cancelled Celebrities Cancelled Celebrities MoistenReady69 (18) · 25-08-2026 2133I never could understand "the wicker man" film If that copper hadn't been such a prude, he could have fucked the arse off Britt Ekland AND not got burned to a crisp.
Religion › Cults Cults Stickyagain 🥇 (1902) · 25-08-2026 1252My 90 year old mum had a funny turn and we called an ambulance. The paramedic asked her, "what's the date?" she knew that "where do you live?" she knew that "who's the prime minister?" She looked at him and said "that's not a fair question, but whoever it is they're a cunt"
Age/Elderly Stickyagain 🥇 (1902) · 22-08-2026 1719They say Auschwitz is the sort of place everyone should go to, but only once A bit like the inmates then
Buckingham Palace guards pay tribute to Dolly Parton with a rendition of 9 to 5. King Charles asks, "What is this 9 to 5 you speak of?"
In The News ponga (320) · 26-08-2026 1453"Apparently Dolly Parton suffered from chronic endometriosis resulting in a hysterectomy during the 1980s....therefore she never had children" Remarked David Fuller on his sixth cigarette
Celebrity Death LennysCrevasse (1048) · 25-08-2026 2141If there's baize on the table, she's past her prime.
Pedophile › Celebrity Pedo Celebrity Pedo theverydevilhimself 🥉 🥈 🥇 (2917) · 24-08-2026 1600How would I find these death caps used by Erin Patterson? And where's the current outbreak of egg salmonella centred? The wife's just said she fancies a mushroom omelette, and it's too good a chance to miss.
Murder/Death/Killing scotty (462) · 24-08-2026 0905If you're thinking what I'm thinking: You are a seriously disturbed person that needs help urgently.
Self Deprecating › Therapy Needed Therapy Needed Squeaky (1654) · 24-08-2026 08082 Irish men went to see a John Wayne film. During the film paddy said " Murphy i bet you a tenner John Wayne doesn't go into the Saloon" "OK" said Murphy " I'll have some of that." Sure enough John Wayne walks into the saloon. "Hah you owe me a tenner Paddy" Then he asked "Paddy, I thought you saw this film last week". Paddy said "yeah I did. But after the hiding he had in there last week I didn't think he'd go back"
Gingerpubes (194) · 23-08-2026 1235Mathematics. The only subject that counts.
General › Observational Observational Squeaky (1654) · 23-08-2026 0733New technology moves too fast for me these days. Just tried to wipe the dust off my phone's screen, and now I have a 12-month subscription to Netflix.
General › Internet Culture Internet Culture theverydevilhimself 🥉 🥈 🥇 (2917) · 23-08-2026 0511Now that I'm in my forties, I have to face the fact that sixteen-year-old girls just don't want to have sex with me. For me it's just like being sixteen again.
Sex n Shit › Dry Spell Dry Spell theverydevilhimself 🥉 🥈 🥇 (2917) · 23-08-2026 0510Me and my new girlfriend are at it like rabbits. My penis is tiny and I ejaculate in under 2 seconds.
Sex n Shit ianwatkins 🥈 🥉 (1985) · 27-08-2026 1204