Ridiculous. Yet another joke refusal from McVitie's for their Penguin bars. My submission: Q: What's black and white and red all over? A: A penguin halfway through a leopard seal's feeding frenzy.
Animals mrjayhey (338) · 24-10-2026 2154The vet gave me a cone to stop the dog licking his bollocks. I’ve been shouting “PACK IT IN” through it all afternoon.
Animals › Dogs Dogs WayOutWest (539) · 04-11-2026 1809Guy in the park asked if I'd I'd like to pet his cocker spaniel. Should have chosen the spaniel.
Animals › Dogs Dogs OkiPaul (280) · 21-10-2026 0825You'll never see a lazy fly. They like to be on top of shit.
Animals › Insects Insects theverydevilhimself 🥇 🥈 🥇 (4343) · 07-11-2026 1052A Scottish guy goes hiking in Canada with his Canadian friend. Suddenly a huge elk appears out of the forest. "Whit the feck is that??!!", says the Scotsman. "Relax, it's just a moose" "A moose??!! How big are yer feckin rats??!!"
Animals › Endangered Species Endangered Species OkiPaul (280) · 10-10-2026 1228I used to keep my pet cat indoors all the time until a neighbour told me it's not good for him to be a 'flat cat', and I should let him out to roam the neighbourhood. So I opened the front door, and he darted straight out into the main road. He's a really flat cat now.
Animals › Pet Euthanasia Pet Euthanasia theverydevilhimself 🥇 🥈 🥇 (4343) · 29-10-2026 1939I'm a dairy farmer and every year I fit my cows with tubular bells. So I can hear them in my cold field.
I thought tigers were carnivores. Turns out they eat vegetables too.
Animals › Cats Cats innit (1482) · 19-10-2026 1328What do you call a deer with it's eyes gouged out? No idea? What do you call a deer with it's eyes gouged out and it's legs chopped off? Still no idea? What do you call a deer with it's eyes gouged out, legs chopped off and it's been castrated? Still no fucking idea.
'...Following a recent survey in the Daily Mail, it has been revealed that the most popular names for dogs in the UK has dropped from traditional names such as Rover, Spot and Fido to Poppy, Luna and Willow. My two dogs are called Omega and Rolex. They're watch dogs.'
Animals › Dogs Dogs monkeybobhouse (200) · 17-10-2026 0558I nearly choked on my cornflakes this morning. There was a finger in them.
Animals scotty (790) · 14-10-2026 1159After 37 years, Gromit finally speaks his first word. “Soz-a-gez”
I wish my neighbours dogs would stop barking I can't hear the fireworks, it's just plain rude
Animals thehairyone1 (1) · 07-11-2026 1831