I saw a post on my local community group on Facebook: 'MISSING: Our 3-year-old tabby cat, Oscar. He is recently neutered, wears a collar bell to alert birds, and we feed him a vegan diet.' I replied, 'And you're surprised he fucked off?'
Animals theverydevilhimself 🥇 🥇 🥈 (2186) · 27-07-2026 0932My dog bit a black guy the other day so the police told me to have him chipped. You should see the difference, he now operates at 16 Nigger bytes a second.
Animals notbaldbob (1172) · 25-07-2026 103198 days ago I found a centipede in my garden, and I've been slowly torturing it ever since. It's on its last legs now.
Animals theverydevilhimself 🥇 🥇 🥈 (2186) · 07-08-2026 0807I ran out of toilet paper earlier, so I had to say 'Goodbye Socks!' It was a daft name for a hamster anyway.
Animals theverydevilhimself 🥇 🥇 🥈 (2186) · 19-07-2026 1655How do Welsh people find their sheep in very tall grass? Absolutely irresistible
Animals supergalley 🥉 🥉 (1405) · 05-08-2026 0705Fucking Korean chefs. They make a dog's dinner of everything
Animals LennysCrevasse (693) · 23-07-2026 1118There are no bad dogs, just bad cooks. ~Old Korean proverb.
Animals notbaldbob (1172) · 26-07-2026 0741I took to animal cruelty like a duck to lighter fluid.
Animals theverydevilhimself 🥇 🥇 🥈 (2186) · 13-07-2026 2132'It's not the size of the dog in the fight that matters, but the size of the fight in the dog.' Try telling that to my neighbour. She hasn't spoken to me since my Rottweiler jumped over the garden fence and bit her Yorkshire Terrier in half at the waist.
Animals theverydevilhimself 🥇 🥇 🥈 (2186) · 02-08-2026 1045What's pink and drags the ocean floor? Moby's Dick
Which side of a cat has the most fur? The outside.
My pet lizard doesn't get a hard on I think the poor cunt has reptile dysfunction.
Animals Joeydeaconsbastard (998) · 16-07-2026 1926A Labrador had to be rescued from Ben Nevis after eating discarded cannabis. He was eventually coaxed down with a GoGo Pizza and garlic & herb dip.
Animals WayOutWest (419) · 12-07-2026 1507A dear old lady knocked on the door and ever so politely asked if there was something I could do about my dog's howling when she's on heat so I told the bitch to shut up and get the fuck off my property before I set my dog on her.