| 25 |
05-07-2026 21:32 |
News: 5 arrested for fly-tipping.
There’s a real dip in quality of Enid Blyto
|
| 20 |
25-07-2026 21:34 |
A vehicle has ploughed into crowds at Berlin Pride.
The suspect reportedly ha
|
| 17 |
27-07-2026 18:57 |
My date said she liked men who make an effort.
She should see the well I dug
|
| 16 |
26-07-2026 17:46 |
HR asked whether I struggle to read social cues.
I said no, then moved my cha
|
| 15 |
26-07-2026 17:40 |
I joined a Facebook group for local missing people.
Nice to finally put names
|
| 14 |
21-07-2026 18:27 |
My wife wanted to feel like she was on Love Island.
So I invited a bunch of s
|
| 13 |
25-07-2026 17:15 |
Some of the fucking weird shit parents say in the school WhatsApp group.
“Why
|
| 13 |
24-07-2026 05:58 |
My dad’s always been fascinated by our family history, so I bought him a DNA anc
|
| 12 |
29-07-2026 21:12 |
The first-aid instructor told us to practise mouth-to-mouth.
I thought the fi
|
| 11 |
27-07-2026 18:40 |
Sixteen- and seventeen-year-olds may be given a midnight social-media curfew.
|
| 11 |
25-07-2026 20:44 |
I bought some IKEA furniture yesterday.
Strange… nowhere in the instructions
|
| 11 |
24-07-2026 22:36 |
My wife and I were discussing future space tourism and what it might be like to
|
| 10 |
31-07-2026 18:32 |
I dumped my new girlfriend when she told me she’d slept with a Brazilian.
I d
|
| 10 |
27-07-2026 19:05 |
My GP asked whether I had a support network.
I gave him the password to next
|
| 10 |
26-07-2026 17:41 |
The school receptionist asked who I was there to collect.
I panicked and said
|
| 10 |
12-07-2026 12:29 |
My partner was confused and irritated when I ordered 20 desks and a blackboard f
|
| 9 |
02-08-2026 19:48 |
My wife said our relationship was becoming stale and boring.
I nearly dropped
|
| 9 |
20-07-2026 05:55 |
The BBC’s profile of Andy Burnham is so fawning, Japanese television had to pixe
|
| 9 |
14-07-2026 17:00 |
My wife wanted to die surrounded by family.
So I loosened the brakes before the
|
| 9 |
14-07-2026 16:40 |
I was chasing a girl through the forest with a massive hard-on.
I was so horn
|
| 9 |
12-07-2026 09:29 |
Suspect one: white British.
Suspect two: white British.
Suspect three: ethnici
|
| 8 |
05-08-2026 19:41 |
My wife said she wanted me to be more like Patrick Swayze in Ghost.
It’s the
|
| 8 |
25-07-2026 16:54 |
My house was repossessed, I ended up selling my arse at Camden Lock, and a rival
|
| 8 |
25-07-2026 05:53 |
My wife says I’m too impulsive with money.
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“He’s no
|
| 7 |
21-07-2026 18:48 |
Kanishka Narayan is Britain’s new AI minister.
Great choice. If anyone can put
|
| 7 |
19-07-2026 11:16 |
I was in the cinema when some creature started screaming, flashing its arse and
|
| 6 |
23-08-2026 17:57 |
My daughter said to my wife, “There’s a special place in hell reserved for cis w
|
| 6 |
05-08-2026 19:07 |
I matched with a girl called Faith who said she’d heard every joke about her nam
|
| 6 |
30-07-2026 18:16 |
I’ve started calling my wife Caesar.
“Because I rule?”
“No… you’ve got sal
|
| 6 |
25-07-2026 20:52 |
My American cousin pointed at a homeless man sleeping in a doorway and said, “Th
|
| 6 |
24-07-2026 05:50 |
An AI clone of my dad rang asking to borrow money.
Honestly, the technology i
|
| 6 |
14-07-2026 16:36 |
Andy Serkis defends lack of diversity in Lord of the Rings cast.
Every cultur
|
| 6 |
12-07-2026 15:53 |
Dated a girl with haemorrhoids.
Pain in the arse.
|
| 5 |
31-07-2026 18:54 |
BBC: Ryu leads Open in pursuit of third straight major
Ken has demanded a rem
|
| 5 |
19-07-2026 10:48 |
The doctor said my wife had a growth.
“What, apart from the one on her upper
|
| 5 |
12-07-2026 20:48 |
The gorgeous girl next door has started running.
I’d love to take the credit.
|
| 5 |
12-07-2026 19:25 |
Nothing beats slipping into clean, crisp underwear.
Although the salt and vin
|
| 5 |
12-07-2026 15:07 |
A Labrador had to be rescued from Ben Nevis after eating discarded cannabis.
He
|
| 5 |
11-07-2026 09:07 |
Police have appealed for anyone who knew of someone with a grudge against Ann Wi
|
| 5 |
04-07-2026 20:33 |
I heard you can tell if your partner is having an affair by their excuses for be
|
| 4 |
02-08-2026 19:53 |
I was invited to a speed dating event by a friend.
Boy did I feel silly turning
|
| 4 |
14-07-2026 21:32 |
Andy Burnham says Ann Widdecombe’s death requires a serious review of MPs’ secur
|
| 4 |
13-07-2026 08:40 |
Britain can’t deport rape gang leader Shabir Ahmed.
Shame we can’t deport him
|
| 4 |
12-07-2026 09:53 |
Thomas Tuchel says England were lucky to get this far.
His entire senior playin
|
| 3 |
02-08-2026 20:04 |
My wife said my jokes were laboured and lazy.
“Well, I’ll get my coat then, s
|
| 3 |
31-07-2026 18:43 |
The locksmith asked if it was an emergency.
“She gets home in ten minutes.”
|
| 3 |
29-07-2026 21:28 |
Just asked Chico and MC Hammer the time.
Absolute carnage.
|
| 3 |
15-07-2026 15:09 |
The Met Office weather map is now permanently dark red.
Yesterday it was 22 d
|
| 3 |
13-07-2026 09:59 |
Sam Neill has died aged 78.
His family said the loss was sudden and unexpecte
|
| 3 |
12-07-2026 17:52 |
A British couple have been rescued with severe burns during the Spanish wildfire
|
| 3 |
12-07-2026 09:38 |
Israel says it has lost one of its greatest friends, Lindsey Graham.
Iran has a
|
| 3 |
12-07-2026 09:19 |
My mate told me he’d quit watching porn because it was getting too hardcore and
|
| 3 |
05-07-2026 21:35 |
News: Gorillas perform oral sex in front of horrified humans.
I hope they do
|
| 2 |
17-08-2026 22:51 |
Safe the cheerleader save the…
Hayden put down the…
Aww fuck.
|
| 2 |
12-07-2026 17:32 |
The BBC says the Strait of Hormuz is the fragile artery keeping Western civilisa
|
| 2 |
05-07-2026 21:55 |
Brazil tried to stop Haaland with samba football.
Should’ve tried a moat.
|
| 2 |
04-07-2026 23:12 |
I forgot my wallet at the cinema, but the bloke on the door said he’d let me int
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