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New 'Download' function added to Clips AI vectoring duplicate detection implemented for new jokes Duplicate joke database scanner added; sends detections to Moderators to review 'View Comments' added on the User Menu so you can find all comments on your own jokes 'Followed Jokes' added on User Menu so you can keep track of a joke you've commented on 'Super Vote' - Hold the ⬆️ for 2-4s if you think a joke is REALLY good and it gets double points eMail verification required for sign-up, to help combat enshitifying users IP blocking for confirmed abusers/serial downvoters New 'Download' function added to Clips AI vectoring duplicate detection implemented for new jokes Duplicate joke database scanner added; sends detections to Moderators to review 'View Comments' added on the User Menu so you can find all comments on your own jokes 'Followed Jokes' added on User Menu so you can keep track of a joke you've commented on 'Super Vote' - Hold the ⬆️ for 2-4s if you think a joke is REALLY good and it gets double points eMail verification required for sign-up, to help combat enshitifying users IP blocking for confirmed abusers/serial downvoters
PV 612148
13

Dyslexic lives mattress.

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Stallion (1597) · 21-07-2026 1131
11

Not an original. Heard it somewhere. Boy said to his mate "Walked past your house earlier. Your mum reminds me of a bond girl." "Very funny don't tell me Pussy Galore" "No but funnily enough she was On A Blackman"

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Gingerpubes (140) · 22-07-2026 1909
11

I went to a fetish restaurant last night. I got toed in the hole.

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notbaldbob (1172) · 10-07-2026 0917
10

My partner was confused and irritated when I ordered 20 desks and a blackboard for our flat. I just wanted to make the place a bit more classy.

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WayOutWest (419) · 12-07-2026 1229
9

A dyslexic friend of mine thought it might help his condition if he joined a poetry club. He hasn't come out with any poems yet, but he's made some pretty nice jugs and vases and stuff.

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2 comments

notbaldbob (1172) · 28-07-2026 0731
9

Man dies after falling from Eleventh Night bonfire in east Belfast. His family and friends paid tribute to him, saying 'He really was a great Guy.'

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theverydevilhimself 🥇 🥇 🥈 (2186) · 12-07-2026 1228
8

Two cigarettes are sitting in the pub. Another cigarette walks in and sits down. The one leans over to his mate and says, "Don't mess with him. He's menthol."

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2 comments

Stallion (1597) · 06-08-2026 0735
8

I shouted at the French guy, who was about to stab me, "Mercy!" "You're welcome," he replied.

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Stallion (1597) · 21-07-2026 2123
8

"canape" A bankrupt Scotsman

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Stickyagain 🥈 (1380) · 17-07-2026 1719
8

I work in genetic engineering, but the pay isn't great. I made a monkey last week.

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theverydevilhimself 🥇 🥇 🥈 (2186) · 10-07-2026 1526
7

Stephen Bear jailed for breaching restraining order against Georgia Harrison. In his defence he did not harass Joan Lennon or Paula McCartney.

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ianwatkins 🥉 (1842) · 06-08-2026 1933
7

Venison used to be a cheap meat, but now it's dead dear

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Stickyagain 🥈 (1380) · 01-08-2026 1427
7

The first bus in Britain to be powered by human excrement ran from Bristol to Bath on the Number 2 route (yes, really). Came out of a shithole, too.

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theverydevilhimself 🥇 🥇 🥈 (2186) · 19-07-2026 1410
7

When it comes to star signs, us Capricorns are the Greatest Of All Time.

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1 comment

theverydevilhimself 🥇 🥇 🥈 (2186) · 18-07-2026 1022
5

After getting my SIA licence I got a new job as a stationary bodyguard. Just standing there for hours. I assumed I was going to be on some kickass protection mission with some high ranking officials. Instead I'm just stood here. I mean who gives a shit about pencils, rulers, rubbers and sharpeners anyway?

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2 comments

Facthunt (45) · 02-08-2026 0841
5

Nothing beats slipping into clean, crisp underwear. Although the salt and vinegar can really sting your bollocks.

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WayOutWest (419) · 12-07-2026 1925
3

Apparently Chris Eubank has been short listed to be the next James Bond. Personally, I don't think he's cut out for the thecret thervith.

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1 comment

Stallion (1597) · 19-07-2026 1936
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