I went for a job with the RSPB. The interviewer asked me what could I tell them about Barn Swallows. Didn't he invent the Bouncing Bomb?

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I just watched an Australian cooking show and the audience cheered when the chef made meringue. I was surprised...usually Australians boo meringue.

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I bought a jack in the box for 50p. But it doesn't work. Why am I not surprised.

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Surnames often describe what your ancestors did in the past. I wonder if that's why David Dickinson has never been on Who Do You Think You Are?

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The chap who invented the speed boat has died. After his funeral there will be a wake.

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My mate who works for the RAC, has been off work for 6 weeks with stress. I think he's had a breakdown.

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The wife wants to sell our old Chinese bowl but it has a few chips in it. She'll have to wait until I've eaten them.

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What was the man in the iron mask's favourite food? Walled-off salad.

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Hello Mr Seaman. Good morning Mrs Windass, I see you are here with Mrs Belcher. Is Mr Woodcock okay? I'm afraid he woke up rather stiff this morning, so I have asked Miss Hooker to look after him. I was chatting to Mr Dickins earlier and he said that he and Miss Hooker regularly meet up. Well she is usually with Mr Cox. Do you happen to know if Mr Cummings is coming? I'll just check with Mrs Adcock. And do you know what time the Deed Poll Dodgers Society meeting starts please?

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How do you confuse an Irishman? Tell him even though it says sparkling on the label, it's still water.

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I threw a brick in the air and pondered what would happen... ... and then it hit me.

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