| 14 |
07-12-2025 16:43 |
As we left the restaurant, she kissed me and said, "We should have dinner again.
|
| 13 |
17-05-2026 09:51 |
I making a fortune out of selling home security systems.
The sale is easy. Al
|
| 12 |
09-05-2026 10:35 |
My Muslim son is really clever at school.
He's now in the same year as my wif
|
| 12 |
09-05-2026 10:32 |
If I had £10 for every gender, I'd have £20 and a shitload of monopoly money.
|
| 12 |
30-04-2026 15:53 |
My black colleague at work was a bit upset and said, "My uncle died, he was like
|
| 12 |
13-12-2025 06:07 |
The Paki bloke at work showed me his tattoo.
"Isn't that one of those that wa
|
| 11 |
21-05-2026 19:22 |
Everyone on earth is racist.
Us whites are just better at it, like we are at
|
| 11 |
10-05-2026 14:17 |
I threw a ball for my dog tonight.
He looked fucking brilliant on the dance f
|
| 11 |
01-03-2026 10:35 |
What's the difference between a military base and school?
Don't ask me, I onl
|
| 10 |
21-05-2026 12:04 |
Whenever I see my wife and her sister together...
I wonder where Cinderella i
|
| 10 |
16-05-2026 20:19 |
I was going to have a brain transplant...
but then I changed my mind.
|
| 10 |
01-05-2026 15:15 |
I hate being out at night, alone and scared that somebody might shoot me.
I d
|
| 10 |
30-04-2026 18:29 |
Bagpipes are the only instrument that, when you learn to play them properly, sou
|
| 10 |
17-12-2025 12:56 |
My 4 year old daughter came into my bedroom and said, "Daddy, I'm scared. Can I
|
| 9 |
15-05-2026 16:46 |
If I win the Lotto I'll make sure that none of my friends or neighbours is poor.
|
| 9 |
15-05-2026 10:32 |
My emo son sighed and asked, "Why am I even here?"
"Because my credit card wa
|
| 9 |
02-05-2026 15:52 |
As I drove my date home, she said, "I can't believe you support grouse shooting.
|
| 9 |
29-04-2026 15:08 |
I'm not saying I live in a a hard area., but the other night I went to a pub qui
|
| 9 |
16-03-2026 17:34 |
I've put my Rottweiler on a vegan diet.
So far, he's eaten three of the cunts
|
| 9 |
02-02-2026 15:41 |
I went to the shop on my bicycle and bought a bottle of whiskey.
As I set off
|
| 9 |
25-01-2026 13:36 |
My mate has OCD, so I bought him a picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
He's
|
| 9 |
06-01-2026 12:12 |
The doctor told me I should take up something that gets me out of the pub.
So
|
| 9 |
22-12-2025 06:45 |
I like my steaks rare.
Tonight I'm having panda.
|
| 9 |
08-12-2025 19:17 |
Did you know that white people own more dogs than black people.
That's becaus
|
| 9 |
08-12-2025 18:46 |
A woman on a dating site sent me a message saying, "Wow, your absolutely gorgeou
|
| 8 |
23-05-2026 15:03 |
Only half of my patients who come to my clinic survive.
I'm a brilliant abort
|
| 8 |
21-05-2026 20:18 |
I've been sober for 30 days now.
Not in a row, just over the past 20 years.
|
| 8 |
13-05-2026 12:13 |
Hamas has announced that they have murdered all Jewish hostages.
Israel is ce
|
| 8 |
10-05-2026 17:51 |
I threw a punch at my wife's chin and missed.
Luckily, I hit the one below it
|
| 8 |
23-04-2026 11:07 |
I dropped the soap in the prison showers this morning.
A big nigger, with a c
|
| 8 |
10-04-2026 06:23 |
I hate it when there isn't any toilet paper and you have to do that stupid walk
|
| 8 |
22-03-2026 18:58 |
18:54 Arrive at crime scene.
18:54 Examine body.
18:54 Search the area.
1
|
| 8 |
17-03-2026 07:13 |
My dad used to slave 12 hours a day to put food on the table
I've never known
|
| 8 |
11-03-2026 16:20 |
My son asked me if he was adopted.
"Of course not," I replied, "I wouldn't ha
|
| 8 |
28-02-2026 14:15 |
I asked my Greek girlfriend if I could try it in the 'other hole'.
"No,"she r
|
| 8 |
18-02-2026 09:32 |
I broke up with my girlfriend when she confessed that she used to walk the stree
|
| 8 |
05-02-2026 13:39 |
"Who's a pretty boy then,?" I said, as I pushed a dry cracker through the bars o
|
| 8 |
03-02-2026 14:50 |
I said, "The second best way to have sex with a woman is to be funny."
"What'
|
| 8 |
18-01-2026 10:00 |
My wife says and does the nicest things.
Just this morning she said, "I'm tak
|
| 8 |
25-12-2025 14:40 |
I walked into the pub and shouted, "All Muslims are cunts."
A bloke stood up
|
| 8 |
17-12-2025 13:04 |
I went to a meeting of the "I Feel I'm Being Stalked" support group.
I knew e
|
| 8 |
04-12-2025 21:05 |
I phoned the Child Abuse Hotline.
A kid answered, called me a cunt and told m
|
| 7 |
18-05-2026 18:48 |
When she screamed at me, "You've lost the best thing that ever happened to you."
|
| 7 |
15-05-2026 15:17 |
I am anti abortion.
I've got no problem with killing babies, it's just that I
|
| 7 |
14-05-2026 13:24 |
They say that laughter is the best medicine.
No wonder all the people on the
|
| 7 |
10-05-2026 17:35 |
I learned two things today:
1. My computer can beat me at chess.
2. My com
|
| 7 |
27-04-2026 19:21 |
My doctor told me to stop drinking so I decided to make a massive change in my
|
| 7 |
27-04-2026 07:39 |
The doctor asked, "Do you drink, take drugs or have gay sex?"
"Yes," I replie
|
| 7 |
24-04-2026 16:46 |
I was walking down a street in Saudi Arabia holding my boyfriend's hand.
I do
|
| 7 |
16-04-2026 19:30 |
"Don't believe everything you read on the Internet."
Abraham Lincoln
1862
|
| 7 |
27-03-2026 13:18 |
When I die people are going to say two things.
Some will say, "He was a miser
|
| 7 |
05-03-2026 20:27 |
I'm not saying I'm a hard bastard...
but my birth mark is shaped like a coat
|
| 7 |
10-02-2026 13:30 |
I saw some black guys spray painting their names on a wall and decided to join t
|
| 7 |
25-01-2026 09:53 |
When my wife saw my face, after all this time, she burst into tears.
It was t
|
| 7 |
20-01-2026 15:17 |
I told myself I shouldn't drink so much.
However, I'm not going to listen to
|
| 7 |
15-01-2026 17:20 |
There's two reasons I won't give money to beggars.
1. They'll use it to buy a
|
| 7 |
08-01-2026 15:04 |
This vegan shit has now got out of hand.
They're selling plant based alternat
|
| 7 |
28-12-2025 13:16 |
"Do you think I'm sexy with lingerie on or completely naked?," asked my wife.
|
| 7 |
19-12-2025 09:03 |
I used to have a nice house and a nice car until my mate introduced me to drugs.
|
| 7 |
18-12-2025 09:54 |
I was doing some home renovations and, when I knocked through my bedroom wall,
|
| 7 |
12-12-2025 10:32 |
I bought a gun because I have a fear of eagles.
"You're getting carried away,
|
| 6 |
21-05-2026 12:30 |
I told my dad that I'd fucked my granny.
"What!" he yelled, "You fucked my mu
|
| 6 |
12-05-2026 11:16 |
This global warming concerns me just as much as acid rain did in the 80's.
I
|
| 6 |
09-05-2026 13:10 |
My neighbour accused me of stealing her underwear off her clothesline.
I was
|
| 6 |
23-04-2026 11:26 |
A cop stops a little old lady driving a Mini.
He jokingly asks, "Any weapons
|
| 6 |
16-04-2026 12:29 |
Modern looters are soft!
Back in the 70's you had to be fucking hard to run w
|
| 6 |
09-04-2026 14:25 |
I've always liked learning new synonyms.
Last night, at a wine tasting, I lea
|
| 6 |
03-04-2026 08:09 |
I went to the mortuary to identify my wife's body.
When they removed the shee
|
| 6 |
01-04-2026 12:15 |
The doctor said to me, "You'll be at peace soon."
"Am I dying?,"I asked.
"
|
| 6 |
31-03-2026 17:26 |
The salesman said, "This sofa will seat five people without any problems."
"F
|
| 6 |
29-03-2026 18:52 |
Adding a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.
For example:
|
| 6 |
03-03-2026 07:36 |
I was so hungover this morning I just stood in the shower for nearly an hour.
|
| 6 |
23-02-2026 15:41 |
I was parked in a disabled zone, when a traffic warden knocked on my window.
|
| 6 |
21-02-2026 15:01 |
I found a lump underneath my wife's breast.
Nothing to worry about, it was ju
|
| 6 |
15-02-2026 12:35 |
They say that one out of every four people has the potential to be a serial kill
|
| 6 |
14-02-2026 16:00 |
I went to visit my wife in hospital and took her flowers.
My girlfriend will
|
| 6 |
25-01-2026 19:23 |
I said to my mate, "Did you know that hamsters die after sex?"
"I don't think
|
| 6 |
24-01-2026 22:03 |
I bought a alcoholic ginger beer.
He wasn't happy.
|
| 6 |
18-01-2026 16:18 |
Using only a .22 pistol I survived a grizzly bear attack.
My friend, who I sh
|
| 6 |
12-01-2026 20:37 |
My daughter's kitten died, so I got her another one.
Now she's got two dead
|
| 6 |
10-01-2026 14:59 |
Ten years ago I swore I'd never drink at work again.
Haven't touched a job si
|
| 6 |
09-01-2026 17:59 |
At her front door she kissed me and whispered in my ear, "Would you like to stay
|
| 6 |
08-01-2026 19:47 |
I don't believe that elephants are being poached in Africa.
Those niggers don
|
| 6 |
07-01-2026 06:02 |
I've found something that totally eliminates the urge to smoke cigarettes.
He
|
| 6 |
30-12-2025 16:41 |
I realise now that I should have told my three kids not to play with matches.
|
| 6 |
21-12-2025 16:21 |
I'm conducting scientific research regarding men having sex with dogs.
If any
|
| 6 |
17-12-2025 14:02 |
I went for a walk with a beautiful woman.
Then she noticed me.
So, we went f
|
| 5 |
03-05-2026 13:57 |
If I ever win the Lotto I'm going to share it with everyone on this site.
I'm
|
| 5 |
01-05-2026 19:37 |
The doctor asked me how much I drink.
"About 15," I replied.
"So, you drin
|
| 5 |
25-04-2026 12:43 |
Me: "I'm going to close this kitchen drawer."
Potato masher: "Like fuck you a
|
| 5 |
19-04-2026 16:32 |
Stormzy has said he has been called a nigger on numerous occasions by the police
|
| 5 |
16-04-2026 14:19 |
I hate it when a beggar shakes his coin cup at me.
There's no need to rub it
|
| 5 |
16-04-2026 14:15 |
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
He said, 'No.'
|
| 5 |
16-04-2026 12:22 |
Princess Diana melted in my arms as I sucked her tits and fingered her.
Anywa
|
| 5 |
04-04-2026 09:38 |
I've discovered that I have a superpower.
I can melt ice cubes just by starin
|
| 5 |
02-04-2026 06:03 |
My wife really knows how to show me a good time.
She often points at people a
|
| 5 |
30-03-2026 14:42 |
The wife and I have decided not to have children.
The kids are taking it quit
|
| 5 |
30-03-2026 13:31 |
Our English teacher came into the classroom and put a snake on the desk.
As w
|
| 5 |
06-03-2026 21:35 |
I was watching some children playing in the park.
The bloke next to me said,
|
| 5 |
03-03-2026 21:27 |
Me: "Go fuck yourself, you cunt."
Lady in the queue: "Excuse me, my 10 year o
|
| 5 |
20-02-2026 15:08 |
My wife asked why our three year old son was crying.
"He kicked me in the bal
|
| 5 |
16-02-2026 14:22 |
I can't believe I got fired for taking my work home with me.
Anyway, I won't
|
| 5 |
16-02-2026 08:56 |
I asked some African Americans what material they would choose to make Black Liv
|
| 5 |
15-02-2026 12:29 |
Do you know what separates us from animals?
The English Channel.
|
| 5 |
13-02-2026 22:14 |
Having pets has made my daughter learn about old age and death.
Our Rottweile
|
| 5 |
12-02-2026 16:46 |
I went to a public execution and noticed that the bloke they were going to hang
|
| 5 |
11-02-2026 16:02 |
My wife bought me a mood ring. When I'm happy it turns green
When I'm angry
|
| 5 |
28-01-2026 13:12 |
I hate fucking niggers.
I don't even know why I do it.
|
| 5 |
23-01-2026 07:17 |
For the next month I'll be wearing pink to raise awareness for people who don't
|
| 5 |
16-01-2026 13:16 |
I was at the checkout, with two fully laden trollies, when I noticed an old lady
|
| 5 |
14-01-2026 10:29 |
I said to my wife, "Sometimes I feel really high and then I feel really low."
|
| 5 |
12-01-2026 20:10 |
I like to smile at Pakistani men and then wink.
It's great being an army snip
|
| 5 |
10-01-2026 15:10 |
I just had a threesome. It was right down and dirty. The two girls ages added to
|
| 5 |
06-01-2026 12:22 |
I was driving to work when a Lollipop lady cleaned the snow off my windscreen.
|
| 5 |
01-01-2026 10:48 |
If I knew I was going to be this thirsty today, I would've drunk more last night
|
| 5 |
23-12-2025 15:36 |
I was hitchhiking and decided to show a little leg to passing vehicles.
It wa
|
| 5 |
11-12-2025 15:47 |
I was at a work Christmas party until after midnight.
When I got to the botto
|
| 5 |
10-12-2025 16:15 |
"What's the problem?," asked the doc.
"The entrance to my arse is sore," I sa
|
| 5 |
10-12-2025 10:50 |
The lady who was interviewing me for a job said, "I've got three openings."
"
|
| 5 |
09-12-2025 19:08 |
The cops have just left.
They said if I want to walk around my house naked, I
|
| 5 |
09-12-2025 09:42 |
I often read a joke and think, "What a cunt. That's not funny."
Then I press
|
| 5 |
03-12-2025 14:57 |
I went to see my wife in hospital and took her flowers.
My girlfriend will lo
|
| 4 |
24-05-2026 15:23 |
My doctor said I should give drink a rest.
He was absolutely right because I
|
| 4 |
21-05-2026 12:10 |
A woman walks down the aisle, gets to the altar and then sings a hymn.
Those
|
| 4 |
17-05-2026 15:29 |
A blonde walks into a sex shop and surveys all the vibrators displayed behind th
|
| 4 |
04-05-2026 16:50 |
Keir Starmer's personal security budget (paid by the taxpayer) is £10 000 000.
|
| 4 |
19-04-2026 16:24 |
My mum was worried because my brother's face started swelling after eating some
|
| 4 |
19-04-2026 16:19 |
I don't regret cutting off my dreadlocks.
In fact, I haven't looked black sin
|
| 4 |
09-04-2026 14:45 |
I told my new girlfriend that I'd just got out of a toxic relationship.
She i
|
| 4 |
02-04-2026 07:58 |
When I was twenty I couldn't bend my erect penis with both hands.
When I was
|
| 4 |
29-03-2026 14:27 |
I was hitchhiking, without much luck, and decided that I would show a little le
|
| 4 |
10-03-2026 09:44 |
A baby shark asks his dad, "Why do we swim around people and show them our fin b
|
| 4 |
08-03-2026 17:41 |
I woke up with a vicious hangover this morning.
I can't understand it. I only
|
| 4 |
28-02-2026 14:20 |
The doctor was puzzled when he saw that my penis was covered in liquorice.
"W
|
| 4 |
17-02-2026 08:45 |
I hate standing in line.
I wish she'd hurry up and pick a fucking suspect.
|
| 4 |
13-02-2026 10:08 |
My son has the same colour eyes as my wife.
Neither of them have learnt to du
|
| 4 |
02-02-2026 19:09 |
I asked an American cop how many people he had shot?
"None," he replied, "onl
|
| 4 |
22-01-2026 19:12 |
I can feel the hamster crawling down towards my anus.
Imagine his surprise wh
|
| 4 |
19-01-2026 17:54 |
The lady who was interviewing me for a job said, "I've got three openings."
"
|
| 4 |
19-01-2026 17:47 |
Girlfriend: "Hold me, wrap your arms around me and never let me go."
Wife: "Y
|
| 4 |
09-01-2026 19:52 |
At my funeral everyone will be given a taser.
Last one standing inherits ever
|
| 4 |
03-01-2026 10:10 |
I came home to find my wife on her hands and knees.
"What's wrong?," I asked.
|
| 4 |
02-01-2026 21:28 |
I drink my coffee like an American cop.
Black with a couple of shots in it.
|
| 4 |
19-12-2025 12:44 |
True story.
I came back to the UK after spending 30 years in Southern Africa (Z
|
| 4 |
13-12-2025 17:37 |
I was in the park and saw a lonely little boy sitting on a swing, so I went over
|
| 4 |
11-12-2025 17:18 |
My Muslim son is really clever at school.
He's now in the same year as my wif
|
| 4 |
06-12-2025 19:37 |
My girlfriend found out that I'm an organ trafficker.
"How can you do that?,"
|
| 4 |
06-12-2025 19:30 |
My son has the same colour eyes as my wife.
Neither of them have learnt to du
|
| 3 |
04-04-2026 08:39 |
The gorgeous blonde doctor wrote her address on a piece of paper and slipped it
|
| 3 |
19-03-2026 18:42 |
Jesus stood before the angry crowd and said, "Let the first one among you, who i
|
| 3 |
18-02-2026 18:14 |
I could never have been a racist slave owner with a cotton plantation.
I don'
|
| 3 |
09-02-2026 13:50 |
I was worried that the mechanic would take advantage of me because I'm a blonde
|
| 3 |
26-01-2026 23:19 |
She had a gorgeous body and a pretty face but I knew we wouldn't be together lon
|
| 3 |
15-12-2025 06:45 |
My mate phoned me and asked what I was doing.
"Probably failing my driving te
|
| 2 |
02-12-2025 20:22 |
A reporter asked a bomb disposal expert, "How stressful is your job?"
"It's n
|
| 2 |
01-12-2025 22:35 |
"How bad is it doc?," I asked.
"Well," he replied, "all you have to do is sto
|
| 1 |
18-01-2026 16:18 |
Using only a .22 pistol I survived a grizzly bear attack.
My friend, who I sh
|
| 1 |
07-12-2025 12:53 |
If your wife's mother just died, how long should you console her for?
It's ju
|
