My grief counselor died last week. She was that good at her job, I didn't give a fuck
Just wondering Was Bill Oddie taken away in a body bag or a Goodie bag.
Death Joeydeaconsbastard (1173) · 27-07-2026 1933The family of the ‘Putney Pusher’ maintain he was totally innocent and was thrown under a bus by the Met police.
Death › Sudden Death Sudden Death SatansTesticles (23) · 17-09-2026 1631How can you make cot death less distressing? Dress the baby in a clown's outfit.
Death › Sudden Death Sudden Death Squeaky (1928) · 30-08-2026 0740What's blue and orange, and at the bottom of a swimming pool? A kid with flat arm bands
Death Gungho_ED (298) · 03-08-2026 1912For Halloween last year, I bought a George Floyd mask on eBay. Had to send it back though. When I put it on I couldn't breathe.
Death theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 18-08-2026 1618A sign above the door where I work says "Once you go black you never come back". You've got to have a sense of humour in the crematorium.
Death notbaldbob (1145) · 26-07-2026 1118If you're ever attacked by a bear, simply lie down and play dead. It's good practice for what's coming next.
Death theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 06-08-2026 1321Pure Cremation: Because your kids would rather spend your money on a new car anyway
Death › Funeral Funeral Hengist (858) · 19-08-2026 2104Little Johnny runs to his mum shouting "Mummy Mummy daddy has hanged himself in the basement". His breaks down in tears goes down to the basement and daddy is no where to be seen. Little Johnny starts laughing and says to her. "Gotcha..... he did it in the garage ".
Death Joeydeaconsbastard (1173) · 31-07-2026 1037Simply put a % sign after your age to see how dead you are.
Death notbaldbob (1145) · 15-07-2026 0533The death penalty for terrorists is being discussed in parliament and the house of lords again. Those suicide bombers must be shitting themselves.
Death notbaldbob (1145) · 10-07-2026 1050I'm taking my girlfriend to have an abortion tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to hearing the splatter of tiny feet.
Death theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 26-06-2026 1409I saw a hearse today. The wreath said "Dad" They missed the e out.
Death Stickyagain (2066) · 26-07-2026 1901My siblings and I had a really rough day at the hospital today as our grandmother finally passed away. Pulling the plug on her life-support machine was the hardest thing we have ever had to do...the old bitch bit my brother and gave me a black eye trying to stop us.
Death Hengist (858) · 18-08-2026 1720My grandad worked in a paint factory. He died when he fell into a vat of varnish, but he did have a lovely finish. No, you fuck off.
Death Stickyagain (2066) · 08-08-2026 0938British serial killers are offered a last drink before jail. Guard: "What would you like?" Harold Shipman: "A nice whiskey would be great" Guard: "What would you like?" Myra Hindley: "I'd love some red wine" Guard: "What would you like?" Fred West: "I could murder some Tennants"
Death Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 18-06-2026 1603I do an evening of stand up comedy and jokes for the patients at our local Hospice every six weeks. It always goes down very well. The good news is that I never need to change my act.
Death Squeaky (1928) · 05-02-2026 1121I had only been seeing my girlfriend for two weeks when she was killed in a car crash. The first time I met her parents was at the funeral.What a pair of miserable bastards they were.
Death Squeaky (1928) · 03-01-2026 1031Our mum died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to "be positive" but it’s really hard without her.
Death Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 16-12-2025 1126White privilege is a thing For example, Jimmy Carr nicked half his repertoire off Sickipedia and he's still alive
Death LennysCrevasse (1333) · 15-08-2026 1502My uncle died working in a brewery. He fell into a vat of lager and drowned. It took him 4 hours to die, it would have been quicker, but he kept getting out to go to the toilet.
Death Stickyagain (2066) · 09-08-2026 1152Suspect one: white British. Suspect two: white British. Suspect three: ethnicity not relevant. Funny, that.
Death WayOutWest (428) · 12-07-2026 0929Three Aussie guys, Shane, Ricky and Jeff, were working on a high-rise building project in Wagga Wagga. Unfortunately, Shane falls off the scaffolding and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ricky says, "Someone should go and tell his wife." Jeff says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters. Ricky says, "Where did you get that, Jeff?" "Shane's wife gave it to me." Ricky continues, "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?" "Well not exactly," Jeff said. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Shane's widow?' she said, 'No, I'm not a widow!' . . . and I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Fosters you are!' "
What’s the difference between Dolly Parton and a box of Dolly Mixtures? Dolly Mixtures come in a box… Dolly Parton’s going in one.
Death Stoops (53) · 25-08-2026 1815Former Sun journalist Rod Liddle has died aged 66 after a 66-year long illness
Death LennysCrevasse (1333) · 03-08-2026 1427An undertaker says to a bereaved husband, "When did you realise your wife was dead?" "Well" He replies "The sex was the same, but the dishes just kept piling up."
Death Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 23-06-2026 1609A female Royal Navy pilot died in a helicopter crash that also killed two male crew members. She was trying to put it into reverse.
Death ponga (400) · 04-06-2026 1300When I die people are going to say two things. Some will say, "He was a miserable, racist bastard." Others will say, "Yep, you're right."
Death Stallion (1608) · 27-03-2026 1318I've been that skint for ages, I can't tell you..... but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I just need my really ill Nan to walk towards it.
Death Gungho_ED (298) · 28-05-2026 1926The doctor said to me, "You'll be at peace soon." "Am I dying?,"I asked. "No," he replied, "Your wife is."
Death Stallion (1608) · 01-04-2026 1215Just been watching Bonnie Tyler's funeral. Why didn't they hold it on the day of the Eclipse?
Death jjbomber (157) · 15-08-2026 2002Russia has just dropped a nuclear bomb on Ethiopia. 1 million died in the blast and 2 million died running after the mushroom.
Death notbaldbob (1145) · 21-07-2026 0602The Yorkshire branch of the Bonnie Tyler fanclub have told mourners to celebrate her life by wearing flamboyant clothing during the crematorium ceremony On member said, "I can't wait to see t'urn around bright ties"
Death LennysCrevasse (1333) · 10-07-2026 0842Why did Princess Diana drive in a Mercedes? She wouldn't be caught dead in a Volvo
Death Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 09-07-2026 0641I’ve decided that if reincarnation is real, I’m coming back as a stray cat. No bills, no mortgage, and if I decide to let out a blood-curdling yowl at 3 a.m. before disembowelling something in the street, it’s not 'insanity'—it’s just 'nature.'
Death mrjayhey (143) · 19-06-2026 0905American singer and comedian Oliver Tree has died in a helicopter crash in Brazil, according to local reports. Tree felled by chopper.
Death theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 14-06-2026 2055Dad died of asbestos poisoning It took bloody ages to cremate him
Death Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 10-06-2026 1746What do Matthew Perry and a frog have in common? They both croak in shallow water.
Death theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 02-06-2026 1018Judith Charmers could have lived a lot longer. If only she'd taken a few days off and gone on holiday a bit more. 90 is no age.
Death Gungho_ED (298) · 22-05-2026 1818If you're on a cruise ship..don't order the rat..atouille
Death Jimfixeditforme (541) · 06-05-2026 2118My wife just screamed at me "i hope you are fucking happy now?" I don't think she means it though.
Death garry6291 (641) · 12-04-2026 1607