I've often wondered what it'd be like to be a fly on the wall in Finsbury Park Mosque. Crowded, I'd imagine.
Muslim theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥈 (1063) · 10-06-2026 1812I had a phone call from my son's headmaster. "I'm afraid to tell you that a group of Asian lads ganged up on Michael and stuck his head down the toilet." "Little bastards. Is he OK now?" "Unfortunately not. They cut it off first."
Muslim supergalley (603) · 20-06-2026 1553My Muslim son is really clever at school. He's now in the same year as my wife.
Muslim Stallion 🥉 (1334) · 09-05-2026 1035A white man stumbles into the police station with a black eye. "Officer, I'd like to report an Islamophobic assault." "Of course, sir. What happened?" "I was in the park and these men came up to me and started beating me because I'm a Muslim convert." "How did they know you were a Muslim convert, sir?" "I assume one of their kids must have told them I'm circumcised."
Muslim Hengist (262) · 18-05-2026 2323The BBC recently covered a harrowing story about how many Afghans have been forced by extreme poverty to sell their own daughters. "The price of food is just so high," said Bilal, a 38 year old Afghan father. "I had to sell my daughter into sexual slavery just to buy enough bread for the rest of my family to eat. Now even that has run out." "What will your family do now?" asked the reporter. "There is no choice," Bilal sighed "We will have to switch to Tesco's own brand."
Say what you want about Muslim women, they make excellent Bee keepers
Muslim root (192) · 28-05-2026 2046I can't believe what just happened. Some flash solicitor just turned up on my doorstep and handed me a court summons for libel over some stupid joke I posted about my neighbour Mohammad shagging a goat. "I don't understand..." I spluttered as he passed me a mound of legal documents. "You published false and disgusting allegations regarding my client's sexual proclivities that have seriously damaged his reputation and good standing in the community and thus he is seeking damages against you," the solicitor said. "I understand that," I said, still white with shock. "But how the fuck did a goat hire a lawyer?"
Muslim Hengist (262) · 07-06-2026 0843I asked my friend Abdul if he could get me a job interview for a teaching position at the primary school where he works. "I can do that," he said. "It's a great job too. Good pay and you get the school holidays off." "That sounds great," I said. "Any downsides?" "There is only one drawback," Abdul said. "You'll have to pretend that you're not sexually attracted to children." "I'm not sexually attracted to children!" I exclaimed. "That's it, my friend," winked Abdul. "Just like that."
Muslim Hengist (262) · 05-06-2026 1533I was driving home the other day when I came up to one of those half barrier level crossings. The red lights were flashing and the barriers were on their way down so I stopped. Suddenly a car full of muslim's pulled out and tried to beat the barriers. They got half way across when a train hit them, the car was destroyed and all the occupants were killed instantly. I sat there open mouthed and thought "Bloody hell, that could have easily been me!" So later that day I sent off my train drivers application form to Network Rail.
Muslim Harold-Bisop (76) · 26-12-2025 0603Society is so wasteful. So many single use items. Plastic cutlery, straws, suicide bombers.
Muslim Gingerpubes (29) · 01-06-2026 2059This Muslim I was working with on a tower scaffolding lost his footing and slipped, I managed to grab his hand as he was dangling 150 feet in the air. "Please, please, " he pleaded, "don't let me drop, " "Will you eat my bacon sandwich if I pull you up? " I asked, "Yes, yes, of course I will, " he said. So I let him go, I'm not having a fucking Muslim steal my breakfast.
Muslim Kimjongreject (298) · 24-01-2026 1734My co-worker Mohammed was looking depressed so I asked him what was wrong. "My wife's going through "the change" and to be honest I'm just not finding her attractive any more." "The menopause I asked?" "No, puberty."
Muslim Harold-Bisop (76) · 26-12-2025 0613Why don't Muslims drink alcohol? Because they're already shitfaced.
Muslim ianwatkins 🥉 🥈 (1368) · 14-12-2025 2305There's always something positive you can say about absolutely anybody. For example: Muslims don't eat pork because they consider it cannibalism.
Muslim innit (350) · 21-06-2026 1350Man walks into a sex shop, he says to the guy behind the counter wheezing due to his asthma " I need some help, I'm looking for a sex doll, wheeze, but I don't know if I want a white one or a black one, wheeze", "well Sir" says the guy behind the counter " I can see that your struggling with your asthma so why don't you take our new Muslim model, They blow themselves up"!
Muslim Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥇 (1829) · 24-05-2026 2133I grew up in London but now I live in Pakistan. I haven't moved. Not to supergalley (and Andrew Lawrence)
Muslim ianwatkins 🥉 🥈 (1368) · 27-04-2026 1751China to re-educate Muslim men. "First we'll teach them how to use soap and water, then we'll set about this shit they believe in, " a government spokesman commented.
Muslim Kimjongreject (298) · 14-12-2025 1541Flew to one of the world's biggest travel destinations and was furious with the extremely hostile reception we got from the hotel staff and such; glares of death, "you don't belong here," etc. That's the last fucking time the Wilson family goes to Mecca
Muslim Htaxu (47) · 16-04-2026 0024