| 17 |
24-08-2026 19:36 |
Cleveland Police.
Tackling crime head on.
|
| 17 |
12-08-2026 04:39 |
People who post comments entirely in upper case want executing.
Bring back ca
|
| 16 |
20-08-2026 12:49 |
Police confirm Jason Arday was murdered.
They’ve allowed the media to report i
|
| 15 |
04-10-2026 22:17 |
If you notice a problem on the London Underground, you can report it by texting
|
| 14 |
26-08-2026 17:16 |
So, come up to the lab...
And see what's on the slab.
Oh, it's me.
RIP Fr
|
| 14 |
09-07-2026 15:25 |
It's no wonder our politicians don't prosecute or deport illegal immigrants, gr
|
| 14 |
19-06-2026 21:15 |
Confusion over events involving a boy and a crocodile in Huntingdon.
Things w
|
| 14 |
11-05-2026 21:36 |
A Miss Switzerland finalist has been killed by her husband, who then put her bod
|
| 13 |
23-08-2026 15:35 |
Loving the tributes to "King Kev" Keegan at St James' Park today.
That's what I
|
| 12 |
19-10-2026 23:21 |
I can't believe it's the second anniversary of Liam Payne's death.
Those two
|
| 12 |
28-09-2026 11:06 |
"Before this goes any further," I said in the nightclub, "are you planning to ch
|
| 12 |
27-08-2026 12:36 |
Ask your wife to sit on her hand til it goes numb, before wanking you off.
I
|
| 12 |
04-08-2026 12:17 |
I phoned my mate to ask if he thought it's okay to wank over my ex-wife.
"Sure,
|
| 12 |
10-07-2026 17:05 |
Ann Widdecombe has been murdered.
I think we can safely rule out a jealous lo
|
| 12 |
17-06-2026 18:13 |
Been watching Portugal playing Congo, and I'm sorely disappointed.
Didn't see a
|
| 11 |
09-09-2026 18:53 |
Russell Howard will host a Stand-Up Gala at The O2, in support of families affec
|
| 11 |
08-09-2026 17:53 |
An abortion goes into a pub.
"Plain tonic please mate, I've already had the gin
|
| 10 |
08-10-2026 10:33 |
Christa Pike.
Sponsored by Nokia.
|
| 10 |
24-08-2026 09:05 |
How would I find these death caps used by Erin Patterson? And where's the curren
|
| 10 |
21-07-2026 18:15 |
I didn't have Ann Widdecombe down as a heavy drinker.
But the night she was kil
|
| 10 |
11-07-2026 04:13 |
"Short back and sides," said Tom Cruise.
"Indeed," replied the barber. "How d
|
| 10 |
13-06-2026 12:53 |
Found a documentary box set about the making of The Vagina Monologues.
I'm mi
|
| 9 |
25-09-2026 21:07 |
John Bishop says he's struggled with his accent in the USA.
At least, I think
|
| 9 |
18-09-2026 20:54 |
"...but if the waiting list is nearly two years," I said, "surely I'd be dead by
|
| 9 |
02-09-2026 07:46 |
Duane "Keffe D" Davis convicted for the killing of Tupac Shakur.
He faces at
|
| 9 |
19-08-2026 09:19 |
My wife opened her birthday present, a new dress.
"It's lovely," she smiled, "b
|
| 9 |
18-08-2026 15:10 |
My uncle died of a heart attack yesterday, but at least he was doing what he lov
|
| 9 |
10-07-2026 16:56 |
Ladies and gentlemen, despite the broken window there's no cause for alarm.
I
|
| 9 |
09-06-2026 13:06 |
I overheard David Sullivan deep in conversation.
"... listen, if you're nice
|
| 8 |
06-09-2026 20:30 |
An Amazon cargo plane has crashed on landing in Miami.
The Florida SMS service
|
| 8 |
22-08-2026 17:42 |
I wish I hadn't done my Tom Jones tribute act at the care home now.
That bar
|
| 8 |
14-08-2026 15:40 |
I've been watching bestiality porn involving women with dogs.
Found it on the B
|
| 8 |
25-07-2026 14:38 |
My wife and her friends went for a girl's weekend of wild camping.
It started o
|
| 8 |
20-07-2026 09:30 |
My wife and I fondly refer to our first meeting as "Brief Encounter".
It was
|
| 8 |
19-07-2026 07:03 |
I should have checked Trustpilot before ordering from Jihadi Florists.
When the
|
| 8 |
17-06-2026 19:08 |
"...and on that bombshell..."
For once, he's not being sarcastic.
|
| 8 |
15-06-2026 07:04 |
The Japanese had a black goalie last night.
You'd think they'd have at least
|
| 8 |
01-06-2026 15:25 |
I can only agree with Peter Mandelson when he says that Number 10 needs "a compl
|
| 7 |
09-10-2026 15:49 |
I'm not saying I'm a heavy drinker, but I owned my car for seven years before re
|
| 7 |
27-09-2026 19:47 |
Advice please, is it appropriate to write to the donor who provided my new kidne
|
| 7 |
24-09-2026 23:58 |
Andy Carroll says he's a victim of sexual abuse.
At least he scored.
|
| 7 |
10-09-2026 18:33 |
Nicolas Cage's driveway collapses as sinkhole opens up at his Malibu home.
It
|
| 7 |
20-08-2026 16:58 |
Small boats are not the problem. It's what's not in them.
Holes.
|
| 7 |
01-08-2026 08:57 |
I remember as a toddler in my uncle's car, he sat me on his lap to let me "driv
|
| 7 |
21-07-2026 07:57 |
Think I heard Keegan has signed up for Bury.
Might have been Burnley, if he's b
|
| 7 |
15-07-2026 15:37 |
This bloke who murdered Ann Widdecombe.
Any chance of giving him Starmer's ne
|
| 7 |
08-06-2026 18:32 |
Pest Ham.
|
| 6 |
15-10-2026 18:24 |
Trump has cancelled the live terrestrial screening of the execution.
It's now
|
| 6 |
16-09-2026 02:24 |
Gary Lineker just phoned Paula Radcliffe.
Joanna Wietrzyk wants to join their s
|
| 6 |
03-09-2026 20:12 |
Kirstie Allsopp has been airlifted to hospital after injuring her leg in Devon.
|
| 6 |
21-08-2026 08:58 |
Harry has dismissed claims that he's moving back to the UK in order to curry fav
|
| 6 |
23-07-2026 14:42 |
When Tarantino smuggles his foot fetish into every film he makes, it's all harml
|
| 6 |
16-07-2026 06:25 |
How do you turn Harry Kane into a defensive midfielder?
Pick him for England.
|
| 6 |
26-06-2026 05:35 |
235 killed by Venezuelan earthquake.
They're naming it the Fracas in Caracas.
|
| 6 |
24-06-2026 03:07 |
I like my women how I like my cars.
Waxed.
|
| 6 |
23-06-2026 22:52 |
Thomas Partey is due to stand trial on charges of seven rapes and a sexual assau
|
| 6 |
12-05-2026 11:44 |
In a final bid to save his premiership, Keir Starmer is changing his name to Nig
|
| 6 |
09-05-2026 19:06 |
Keir Starmer has brought Gordon Brown and Harriet Harman into his team.
It's
|
| 6 |
08-05-2026 21:39 |
It might seem impossible to come up with a narrative about the pro-European and
|
| 5 |
14-10-2026 11:59 |
I nearly choked on my cornflakes this morning.
There was a finger in them.
|
| 5 |
08-10-2026 02:52 |
I don't know Christa Pike's prison nickname.
But if they weren't calling her
|
| 5 |
03-10-2026 08:14 |
It's a pity Harold Shipman topped himself.
He'd have been perfect for a loan
|
| 5 |
02-10-2026 13:05 |
I showed the GP my sore ankle.
He looked at it and said "Sprain."
I said "
|
| 5 |
21-09-2026 16:24 |
Just heard the bootleg of a rare Sinead O'Connor and Bono duet.
Nothing Compa
|
| 5 |
01-09-2026 05:49 |
29 years ago, Diana was killed for getting pregnant by Mohamed Al-Fayed's son Do
|
| 5 |
19-07-2026 22:15 |
Breaking News.
World Cup final result immediately overturned by Donald Trump.
|
| 5 |
28-06-2026 07:33 |
Those claiming England has been colonised are exaggerating.
I was on a bus to
|
| 5 |
25-04-2026 08:45 |
My elderly mother needed assistance with her bath, so I asked my girlfriend if s
|
| 4 |
05-10-2026 21:38 |
Jeffrey Archer has died.
The field of English literature lies in ruins.
|
| 4 |
27-09-2026 05:51 |
Marc Guehi is still young, but he's past it.
Straight to a fucking attacker.
|
| 4 |
20-09-2026 11:07 |
I was planning to watch a Glasgow derby from the lower leagues at midday today,
|
| 4 |
06-09-2026 17:55 |
Chris Langham's final words defied convention.
"Don't bother destroying my ha
|
| 4 |
09-08-2026 11:03 |
Chelsea are going to get some stick from the crowd this season.
They'll be ha
|
| 4 |
23-06-2026 09:37 |
This heatwave is getting ridiculous.
It's so hot, the Prime Minister has resign
|
| 4 |
11-06-2026 21:28 |
Great opening game in the World Cup, South Africa 2 Mexico 1.
But the Mexicans
|
| 4 |
19-05-2026 21:35 |
I've just been done for speeding at 32mph in a 30 zone.
I expected three poin
|
| 4 |
02-05-2026 22:12 |
Those Ukrainian rent boys might just finish off Keir Starmer.
Again.
|
| 3 |
05-10-2026 11:28 |
Cockwomble rightly questions the capacity of ten year olds to classify themselve
|
| 3 |
29-09-2026 21:31 |
I always fill my blow up dolls with nitrous oxide.
Raheem likes to buy in bul
|
| 3 |
25-08-2026 14:22 |
We're going for lunch at my mother in law's today, and I just know my wife will
|
| 3 |
02-07-2026 11:48 |
Thomas Tuchel has asked that parents allow their children to stay up late for En
|
| 3 |
29-06-2026 18:56 |
Margone Leadbetter.
|
| 3 |
19-06-2026 19:30 |
I'm not saying football is becoming Americanised.
But before taking corners n
|
| 3 |
02-06-2026 12:22 |
Kenny Dalglish has inadvertently revealed that he's suffering from cancer.
Subt
|
| 3 |
23-05-2026 17:08 |
In an effort to get today's result overturned, Middlesbrough have lodged an offi
|
| 3 |
29-04-2026 20:16 |
I have a severe nail-biting habit.
But that's neither here gnaw there.
|
| 3 |
23-04-2026 17:46 |
"So, what are you looking for in a relationship?" I asked my date.
"Security,
|
| 2 |
22-06-2026 10:22 |
England's prospects of winning the World Cup have taken on a whole new significa
|
| 2 |
13-05-2026 21:43 |
There's only one time Luke Ayling doesn't stutter.
And that's when he takes a
|
| 2 |
06-05-2026 13:43 |
I'm happy to introduce my girlfriend as "non-binary".
But I draw the line at
|
| 1 |
04-06-2026 11:28 |
Australia boasts the world's largest children's play zone.
Called the PlayCen
|
| 1 |
10-05-2026 19:55 |
West Ham's defeat today has huge financial implications for Tottenham.
Now that
|
| 1 |
09-05-2026 21:10 |
"Oh when the Saints go sneaking in..."
|
