I was walking down a street in Saudi Arabia holding my boyfriend's hand. I don't know where he is, but the stupid twat must have stolen something.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, drops four nails on the counter, and says "Put me up for the night."

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At the end of the Last Supper Jesus was handed the bill. He began shaking his head and said, ' what idiot ordered the wine? '

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God shows Adam and Eve the Garden of Eden and explains it is their paradise.Both of them are stunned by it's beauty. ' Wait, ' says Adam, ' who is that wrinkly old bastard over there? ' ' Oh, don't worry about him, ' replied God, ' he's been here longer than me. That's Keith Richards.'

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Sri Lanka police arrest 22 monks after 110kg of cannabis found in luggage. Good luck trying to get any of them to squeal...

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I stumbled across a YouTube channel just now, there was a woman reading out a list suggesting really fun things to do. I think that she called it The Seven Deadly Sins?

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Jesus was a carpenter, but he couldn't play any instruments. That's why Karen and Richard wouldn't let him in the band.

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The fact that Jesus didn't have a fair trial,called everyone brother and liked gospel were strong indications that he was probably black.

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Have you noticed whenever God throws a wobbler he always sends his Earthquakes and Tsunamis to the most poverty ridden disease infected shitholes on the planet. I would be very worried if I lived in Oldham, Burnley or Rochdale.

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Why do Jewish men get circumcised? Jewish woman can't resist anything with 25% off.

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On the first day of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me... Fifteen dead Jewwwwws A ten year old corpse Nine empty clips Eight uneaten latkes Seven "outraged" politicians Thousands of meaningless vigils Billions of happy Muslims and endless bullshit coverage on the BBC

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What happened when Jesus went to Mount Olive? Popeye kicked the shit out of him.

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Irish priest, English vicar and Scottish minister on a ship, ship starts to sink so vicar jumps up and shouts "save the children", the minister jumps to his feet and screams "fuck the children", the priest stands up and says "have we time?"

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Jesus stood before the angry crowd and said, "Let the first one among you, who is without sin, cast the first stone." A rock flew over the crowd and hit Jesus on the back of the head. He turned around and said, "Fuck off, Mum!"

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What is the difference between Jesus, and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.

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Why is the bible like a penis? You get it forced down your throat by a priest.

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A priest asks the convicted murderer in the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”

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What doesn't Jesus eat skittles? Because they keep falling through his hands.

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What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being the last Jewish kid left alive in Auschwitz, watching the gas chamber door close, then realising the “worm” wriggling up your arse is just the last SS guard finishing inside you before he leaves for the weekend

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