I phoned my boss's mobile. "I'm on the train heading to the south coast now." "What..?" he answered, sounding a bit annoyed. "It's five o'clock in the fucking morning! What are you doing on a train?" "You tell me," I replied. "You're the one who told me to be in Brighton early this morning."
Silly garry6291 (639) · 13-08-2026 1016I've just published a book about telekinesis. It's a bestseller, absolutely flying off the shelves
Silly Stickyagain (1993) · 11-08-2026 1805There's a poster outside my local Asda that says, 'UK Baby Retailer of the Year'. They never seem to have any out on the shelves.
Silly theverydevilhimself 🥇 (3115) · 11-08-2026 1756I went to the restaurant and ordered the octopus the waiter said "It will take about six hours". I said "Why's that"? And he replied "The cunt keeps turning the gas off
A skeleton walks into a bar, and asks for a pint of lager and a mop. Credit to very old joke.
Silly theverydevilhimself 🥇 (3115) · 06-09-2026 0114A recent survey has revealed how deeply ignorant the British public is regarding the origins of their food. 7% of those surveyed did not know that Coca-Cola contains sugar 14% of those surveyed did not know that cheese was made with milk And 20% of those surveyed did not know that Marmite is horse semen with food colouring
Silly Hengist (778) · 26-08-2026 0944A toilet goes into a pub and says "id like to buy everyone in this establishment a drink" The landlord says "That's very generous of you sir". A the toilet replies "Well.. I'm feeling a bit flush".
Silly Joeydeaconsbastard (1171) · 24-08-2026 1937Financial analysts warn that the price of balloons, bouncy castles and blow-up sex dolls is expected to rise substantially over the next year, a trend that they attribute to the economic cost of inflation.
Silly Hengist (778) · 19-08-2026 2047Taylor Swift has smashed Michael Jackson's 35 year old record, but I beat her to it. Used my copy of Bad as a frisbee back in 2022.
Silly › Absurd Absurd theverydevilhimself 🥇 (3115) · 22-08-2026 0942