My wife said to me yesterday "do you want to suck my tits?" I said "no, I don't eat anything that's been on the floor"
Wife Stickyagain 🥈 (1380) · 24-07-2026 1413My wife wanted to feel like she was on Love Island. So I invited a bunch of spastics round and blew up the inflatable paddling pool.
Wife WayOutWest (419) · 21-07-2026 1827My wife walked in on me fucking a girl at work up the arse. She screamed "you can't do this to me!" I said "I know, that's why I'm doing it to her! "
Wife Stickyagain 🥈 (1380) · 21-07-2026 0900My dad’s always been fascinated by our family history, so I bought him a DNA ancestry test for his birthday. He must have thought it was a shit present. He hasn’t spoken to me since. Or Mum, oddly.
Wife WayOutWest (419) · 24-07-2026 0558As I pointed the gun at my wife’s face I said, “Any last words?” Three hours later, I shot her.
Wife notbaldbob (1172) · 16-07-2026 0537"You treat me like a dog," said my wife."I want us to sit down and talk about it." "OK," I replied, "but not on the couch."
Wife Stallion (1597) · 10-07-2026 1130My wife is so fat, when she pulls her knickers down, her arse is still in them.
Wife Stickyagain 🥈 (1380) · 24-07-2026 1412My wife hates it when I hold the door open for her. She says "why can't I just have a shit in peace"
Wife Stickyagain 🥈 (1380) · 17-07-2026 0745My wife said she wanted me to be more like Patrick Swayze in Ghost. It’s the reason I spend so much time online harassing Whoopi Goldberg.
Wife WayOutWest (419) · 05-08-2026 1941I wouldn't say my missus was ugly but she came second in a Megan Fox look a like competition. Diane Abbott won it.
Wife Joeydeaconsbastard (1000) · 01-08-2026 1952The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground.
Wife notbaldbob (1172) · 25-07-2026 1045If there was a competition for saggy tits, my wife would beat everyone. In fact, she'd wipe the floor with them.
Wife notbaldbob (1172) · 24-07-2026 0710I went to the chemist and asked him to give me something to kill the missus. He said "Sorry sir but I can't do that". I then showed him a photo of my fat and ugly twat of a wife and he replied."Apologies you poor man I didn't realise you had a prescription".
Wife Joeydeaconsbastard (1000) · 26-07-2026 2108Me and the wife are having what is known as Olympic sex... It happens once every 4 years.
Wife notbaldbob (1172) · 25-07-2026 1038What do you call a scouse woman in a white tracksuit? The bride
Wife Allobosca 🥇 (2375) · 12-07-2026 1106Why do they call it Pre-Menstrual Tension? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Wife Allobosca 🥇 (2375) · 12-07-2026 1100The Police just been to my door holding a picture of my Wife They said "Is this your Wife Sir?" Shocked I answered "Yes" They said " We are afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus" I said "I know, but she takes it up the arse and she's good with the kids....."
Wife notbaldbob (1172) · 12-07-2026 2132I remember when my wife was having our baby shouting, PUSH PUSH PUSH! She was wank at bump starting the car when she was pregnant
So today started good, then I said to wife "I am thinking of getting...." Woke up in A&E with a kitchen knife in my head!
Wife NotEasilyOffended (85) · 01-08-2026 2202