I can't understand why there are so many black people in TV adverts. We haven't been able to buy one for two hundred years.

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I'm apauled by casual racism in this country. That's why I always wear a suit and tie to abuse wogs.

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According to the Scouting association, the UK's largest group of brownies is in Bradford.

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Martin Luther King once said, 'I have a dream.' Bet it was about fried chicken and watermelon.

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I said to my mate Tyrone 'You're a lot like Marmite you are.' He laughed and said 'Why because you either love me or hate me?' I said 'No it's because you're black and you smell'

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I was up in court for assaulting a Pakistani. The judge said, 'The court will be treating this as a hate crime.' I said, 'Hate crime? But I acted out of love!' 'What do you mean?' 'Well, I love beating up Pakis.'

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What's a Paki's least favourite big cat? Lynx.

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Like anyone else, I've done things in my life that I can now look back on and laugh about. Like the time I ran over that Paki. A couple of minutes ago.

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In London this evening, we're expecting peak blackness around 7.30pm After that, curfews will begin to kick in and it should be all clear by 8

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I was chatting to a bloke online and he said he was a South African just like me. "Are you white or black?," I asked. "What difference does that make?," he said. "Well," I replied, "If you're white maybe my grandfather knew your grandfather... or if you're black maybe my grandfather shot your grandfather."

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My parents are mixed race. My mum ran the 100 meters and my dad is Jamaican

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In an effort to better myself, I've started studying foreign cultures and religions. I want to be more precise and accurate with my racial insults.

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I met an illegal immigrant who doesn't know the meaning of fear. He doesn't understand any English, the Paki cunt!

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