My grief counselor died last week. She was that good at her job, I didn't give a fuck
Just wondering Was Bill Oddie taken away in a body bag or a Goodie bag.
Death Joeydeaconsbastard (1173) · 27-07-2026 1933The family of the ‘Putney Pusher’ maintain he was totally innocent and was thrown under a bus by the Met police.
Death › Sudden Death Sudden Death SatansTesticles (23) · 17-09-2026 1631How can you make cot death less distressing? Dress the baby in a clown's outfit.
Death › Sudden Death Sudden Death Squeaky (1929) · 30-08-2026 0740What's blue and orange, and at the bottom of a swimming pool? A kid with flat arm bands
Death Gungho_ED (298) · 03-08-2026 1912For Halloween last year, I bought a George Floyd mask on eBay. Had to send it back though. When I put it on I couldn't breathe.
Death theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 18-08-2026 1618A sign above the door where I work says "Once you go black you never come back". You've got to have a sense of humour in the crematorium.
Death notbaldbob (1145) · 26-07-2026 1118If you're ever attacked by a bear, simply lie down and play dead. It's good practice for what's coming next.
Death theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 06-08-2026 1321Pure Cremation: Because your kids would rather spend your money on a new car anyway
Death › Funeral Funeral Hengist (858) · 19-08-2026 2104Little Johnny runs to his mum shouting "Mummy Mummy daddy has hanged himself in the basement". His breaks down in tears goes down to the basement and daddy is no where to be seen. Little Johnny starts laughing and says to her. "Gotcha..... he did it in the garage ".
Death Joeydeaconsbastard (1173) · 31-07-2026 1037Simply put a % sign after your age to see how dead you are.
Death notbaldbob (1145) · 15-07-2026 0533The death penalty for terrorists is being discussed in parliament and the house of lords again. Those suicide bombers must be shitting themselves.
Death notbaldbob (1145) · 10-07-2026 1050I'm taking my girlfriend to have an abortion tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to hearing the splatter of tiny feet.
Death theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 26-06-2026 1409I saw a hearse today. The wreath said "Dad" They missed the e out.
Death Stickyagain (2066) · 26-07-2026 1901My siblings and I had a really rough day at the hospital today as our grandmother finally passed away. Pulling the plug on her life-support machine was the hardest thing we have ever had to do...the old bitch bit my brother and gave me a black eye trying to stop us.
Death Hengist (858) · 18-08-2026 1720My grandad worked in a paint factory. He died when he fell into a vat of varnish, but he did have a lovely finish. No, you fuck off.
Death Stickyagain (2066) · 08-08-2026 0938British serial killers are offered a last drink before jail. Guard: "What would you like?" Harold Shipman: "A nice whiskey would be great" Guard: "What would you like?" Myra Hindley: "I'd love some red wine" Guard: "What would you like?" Fred West: "I could murder some Tennants"
Death Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 18-06-2026 1603I do an evening of stand up comedy and jokes for the patients at our local Hospice every six weeks. It always goes down very well. The good news is that I never need to change my act.
Death Squeaky (1929) · 05-02-2026 1121I had only been seeing my girlfriend for two weeks when she was killed in a car crash. The first time I met her parents was at the funeral.What a pair of miserable bastards they were.
Death Squeaky (1929) · 03-01-2026 1031Our mum died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to "be positive" but it’s really hard without her.
Death Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 16-12-2025 1126White privilege is a thing For example, Jimmy Carr nicked half his repertoire off Sickipedia and he's still alive
Death LennysCrevasse (1335) · 15-08-2026 1502My uncle died working in a brewery. He fell into a vat of lager and drowned. It took him 4 hours to die, it would have been quicker, but he kept getting out to go to the toilet.
Death Stickyagain (2066) · 09-08-2026 1152Suspect one: white British. Suspect two: white British. Suspect three: ethnicity not relevant. Funny, that.
Death WayOutWest (428) · 12-07-2026 0929Three Aussie guys, Shane, Ricky and Jeff, were working on a high-rise building project in Wagga Wagga. Unfortunately, Shane falls off the scaffolding and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ricky says, "Someone should go and tell his wife." Jeff says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters. Ricky says, "Where did you get that, Jeff?" "Shane's wife gave it to me." Ricky continues, "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?" "Well not exactly," Jeff said. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Shane's widow?' she said, 'No, I'm not a widow!' . . . and I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Fosters you are!' "
What’s the difference between Dolly Parton and a box of Dolly Mixtures? Dolly Mixtures come in a box… Dolly Parton’s going in one.
Death Stoops (53) · 25-08-2026 1815Former Sun journalist Rod Liddle has died aged 66 after a 66-year long illness
Death LennysCrevasse (1335) · 03-08-2026 1427An undertaker says to a bereaved husband, "When did you realise your wife was dead?" "Well" He replies "The sex was the same, but the dishes just kept piling up."
Death Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 23-06-2026 1609A female Royal Navy pilot died in a helicopter crash that also killed two male crew members. She was trying to put it into reverse.
Death ponga (400) · 04-06-2026 1300When I die people are going to say two things. Some will say, "He was a miserable, racist bastard." Others will say, "Yep, you're right."
Death Stallion (1608) · 27-03-2026 1318I've been that skint for ages, I can't tell you..... but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I just need my really ill Nan to walk towards it.
Death Gungho_ED (298) · 28-05-2026 1926The doctor said to me, "You'll be at peace soon." "Am I dying?,"I asked. "No," he replied, "Your wife is."
Death Stallion (1608) · 01-04-2026 1215Just been watching Bonnie Tyler's funeral. Why didn't they hold it on the day of the Eclipse?
Death jjbomber (157) · 15-08-2026 2002Russia has just dropped a nuclear bomb on Ethiopia. 1 million died in the blast and 2 million died running after the mushroom.
Death notbaldbob (1145) · 21-07-2026 0602The Yorkshire branch of the Bonnie Tyler fanclub have told mourners to celebrate her life by wearing flamboyant clothing during the crematorium ceremony On member said, "I can't wait to see t'urn around bright ties"
Death LennysCrevasse (1335) · 10-07-2026 0842Why did Princess Diana drive in a Mercedes? She wouldn't be caught dead in a Volvo
Death Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 09-07-2026 0641I’ve decided that if reincarnation is real, I’m coming back as a stray cat. No bills, no mortgage, and if I decide to let out a blood-curdling yowl at 3 a.m. before disembowelling something in the street, it’s not 'insanity'—it’s just 'nature.'
Death mrjayhey (143) · 19-06-2026 0905American singer and comedian Oliver Tree has died in a helicopter crash in Brazil, according to local reports. Tree felled by chopper.
Death theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 14-06-2026 2055Dad died of asbestos poisoning It took bloody ages to cremate him
Death Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 10-06-2026 1746What do Matthew Perry and a frog have in common? They both croak in shallow water.
Death theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 02-06-2026 1018Judith Charmers could have lived a lot longer. If only she'd taken a few days off and gone on holiday a bit more. 90 is no age.
Death Gungho_ED (298) · 22-05-2026 1818If you're on a cruise ship..don't order the rat..atouille
Death Jimfixeditforme (541) · 06-05-2026 2118My wife just screamed at me "i hope you are fucking happy now?" I don't think she means it though.
Death garry6291 (641) · 12-04-2026 1607Our English teacher came into the classroom and put a snake on the desk. As we all crowded around to see it, he said, "This snake will help you to understand that using correct English is very important." "Is it poisonous?," asked Mary. "No," he replied. Mary reached out to stroke it and was immediately bitten. Within seconds she was spasming and foaming at the mouth. "However, it is venomous," he said.
Death Stallion (1608) · 30-03-2026 1331They say that one out of every four people has the potential to be a serial killer. So I killed three of my closest friends. I should be safe now.
Death Stallion (1608) · 15-02-2026 1235Having pets has made my daughter learn about old age and death. Our Rottweiler killed her granny.
Death Stallion (1608) · 13-02-2026 2214I realise now that I should have told my three kids not to play with matches. Anyway, I've told my two kids not to do it again.
Death Stallion (1608) · 30-12-2025 1641I see Glen Hansard didn't make it home last night. Talk about a lack of Commitment!
Death jjbomber (157) · 29-07-2026 1920Home Ec Teacher: "Ok kids, tell me something that goes from pink to black when it's been fried? Pupil: "Ted Bundy's cock, Miss?"
Death LennysCrevasse (1335) · 11-07-2026 1155Ann Widdecombe tributes have been pouring in "She was a great parliamentarian and colleague", David Cameron "She was a crucial part of our successful Brexit campaign", Nigel Farage "I'm ok thanks", David Fuller
Death LennysCrevasse (1335) · 10-07-2026 0659Bonnie Tyler tells TV host Lorraine 'next year I'm going to slow down' in final TV interview. No kidding.
Death theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 09-07-2026 1959Q. How many potatoes does it take to kill a million Irish people? A. None!
Death DdraigGoch (726) · 20-06-2026 2135I was seeing a woman from Brazil who enjoyed bungee jumping. I thought how dangerous it is doing all that stuff, so said I want no strings attached.
Death Dogpad (125) · 18-06-2026 1748Even being a medical professional couldn't save him. R.I.P Dr Hook
Death Gungho_ED (298) · 17-05-2026 1603I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette but It ended up going straight in one ear and out the other.
Death supergalley 🥇 (2032) · 18-03-2026 2029I was queuing in the supermarket yesterday when an old dear collapsed and died as she was walking away from the till. The really funny thing was she'd just bought a bag for life!
Death DdraigGoch (726) · 16-03-2026 1224I can't believe I got fired for taking my work home with me. Anyway, I won't be performing any more autopsies.
Death Stallion (1608) · 16-02-2026 1422I like to smile at Pakistani men and then wink. It's great being an army sniper.
Death Stallion (1608) · 12-01-2026 2010Say what you like about Vladimir Putin. He's still the best damned Geography teacher of all time.
Death ianwatkins 🥈 🥉 (2118) · 17-12-2025 1559Grim Reaper "Come 'ere. There's no-more" R.I.P Jimmy Cricket
Death Gungho_ED (298) · 03-08-2026 1631Imagine Count Binface wins the bi-election, then Scooby Doo and his pals run into the sports hall and removes his mask to reveal Ann Widdecombe!
Death Craven180 (4) · 12-07-2026 2048I have a joke about a dead body, but I think it’s best to keep it quiet. It’s hard enough to stop the neighbors from complaining about the smell without me drawing any more attention to what’s in the basement.
Death mrjayhey (143) · 14-06-2026 14456 people dead in a bus fire in Switzerland. Makes a change from being buried in an avalanche I guess.
Death ianwatkins 🥈 🥉 (2118) · 10-03-2026 23426 people dead in bus fire in Switzerland. This would have been sad if 41 people hadn't died in a bar fire in Switzerland on New Year's Eve. Now it just seems like Switzerland is a really shit place to visit.
Death ianwatkins 🥈 🥉 (2118) · 10-03-2026 2341Just buried my friend who was hit by a tennis ball. The service was great
Death Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 31-01-2026 1910At my funeral everyone will be given a taser. Last one standing inherits everything.
Death Stallion (1608) · 09-01-2026 1952Police have confirmed that the man who fell from the roof of a nightclub and died was not a Bouncer.
Death Harold-Bisop (76) · 26-12-2025 0631Chris Rea finally pulled off the ultimate “Driving Home for Christmas” – no sat-nav needed, just a grim reaper in the passenger seat flooring it down the express lane to the afterlife, three days before the big day. The cheeky bastard pancreatic cancer that nicked his entire pancreas, duodenum, gallbladder, and a slab of liver back in 2001 must’ve been fuming it didn’t finish the job then – came crawling back like a bad ex for round two and finally bagged the gravel-voiced legend. This absolute tank of a man survived that Whipple butchery, a massive stroke in 2016 that fucked his arms and speech, type 1 diabetes, peritonitis, popping 34 pills a day like they were fucking Tic Tacs, and seven insulin jabs just to stay vertical… only to peg it right when every supermarket, radio station, and M&S advert is blasting his husky arse warbling about top of the world and thousand memories. Talk about cosmic piss-take – millions driving home to his tune while his family’s booking a hearse with tinsel on the roof. At least up there, no more chemo, no more needles, and the heating’s guaranteed better than a frozen British motorway. Farewell, you indestructible Middlesbrough madman – heaven’s roads to hell just got a proper soundtrack. RIP you glorious, chain-smoking, blues-belting hero
Death supergalley 🥇 (2032) · 22-12-2025 1543My mum died 10 years ago today. I went on youtube and listened to her funeral song. Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon and Garfunkel and cried a little. Then the song ended and Youtube went HEY DO YOU NEED A COFFIN? LOOKING FOR A CHEAP FUNERAL? CALL 0800-YOUR-MUMS-DEAD
Death ianwatkins 🥈 🥉 (2118) · 11-12-2025 2348Franco Baresi finally made it into the opponent's half where he suffered a catastrophic fatal nosebleed
Death LennysCrevasse (1335) · 31-07-2026 0704I've just solved the intersection of the Bill Oddie / David Fuller Venn diagram It reads, "Love Birds Dead"
Death LennysCrevasse (1335) · 27-07-2026 1823For sale: One bird-whistle Contact Mrs Oddie for details
Death LennysCrevasse (1335) · 27-07-2026 1758"I'd love it if I could beat this", said Kevin Keegan this morning Never mind
Death LennysCrevasse (1335) · 20-07-2026 1444Looks like someone did Ann Widdecombe then? That's killed her of course, not achieved the ultimate difficult wank. That simply cannot be done
Death LennysCrevasse (1335) · 11-07-2026 1308Mick Jagger and Eric Clapton win battle to stop 29-storey block being built by Thames. Clapton said he'd have been willing to drop his complaint if the windows had had decent locks.
Death theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 16-05-2026 1610Ida Mae passes away, and Bubba calls the hospital. The operator asks where the ambulance can find Ida Mae. He says "We're at the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asks, "Can you spell that for me?". After a bit of thought, Bubba asks, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you can pick her up there?"
Death Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 05-04-2026 1814Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions
Death supergalley 🥇 (2032) · 18-03-2026 2011At least six dead in Switzerland bus fire, or to put it another way: Bad News: Bus fire in Switzerland Good News: At least 6 of them are dead
Death ianwatkins 🥈 🥉 (2118) · 10-03-2026 2344In today's world, it’s vital to establish a good vocabulary. If only I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote', my wife would still be alive now
Death Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 18-02-2026 1025A reporter asked a bomb disposal expert, "How stressful is your job?" "It's not," he replied, "either I'm right or suddenly it's not my problem."
Death Stallion (1608) · 02-12-2025 2022"How bad is it doc?," I asked. "Well," he replied, "all you have to do is stop drinking and do some exercise." "So it's terminal then," I sighed.
Death Stallion (1608) · 01-12-2025 2235The idea that Bill Oddie's death could cause his own avian pets to starve to death is for the birds
Death LennysCrevasse (1335) · 27-07-2026 2018RIP Sam Neill "Houston, we have a problem" What a line and delivery. Love Bruce Willis
Death LennysCrevasse (1335) · 13-07-2026 1228Ann Widdicome and Bonnie Tyler. Who's the Hat trick for the grim reapers bingo card?
Death Gingerpubes (270) · 10-07-2026 1226A famous heart surgeon died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone had paid their respects, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed. Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him said, control yourself man. I'm sorry, he replied, I was thinking about my own funeral. What's so funny about that? I'm a gynecologist.
Death notbaldbob (1145) · 04-07-2026 1442What's the difference between Princess Diana and the Queen Mum? They both died pushing 102.
Death Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 25-04-2026 1857Little Johnny's late for school again, and sidles into the classroom just before lunch. "Oh, Johnny!" cries the teacher, "This is the third time this week." "Sorry I'm late miss," he replies, "But my dad got burnt this morning." "Oh, not too badly I hope?" asks the teacher, suddenly losing her anger. "They don't fuck about at the crematorium, miss."
Death Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 04-05-2026 2254The programmer who invented Predictive Text has sadly died. His former employee confirmed the details: 'Him funfair will be helped neck Sundial.'
Death DdraigGoch (726) · 15-02-2026 1820A friend of mine survived a fall from 20,000 feet out of a plane. It was when he hit the ground that killed him.
Death supergalley 🥇 (2032) · 24-01-2026 0710