I refused to believe I was gay and dyslexic. I was in Daniel.

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Upskirting is a horrendous crime. Except in Thailand where it's just common sense.

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If I had £10 for every gender, I'd have £20 and a shitload of monopoly money.

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My teenage son came home last week and said, 'Dad, there's something I have to tell you. I've been trying for years to come to terms with it, but the fact is I'm gay.' That must have taken some courage to say. I wonder how he's coming to terms with being homeless?

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I'm the kind of man who laughs in the face of diversity.

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I've got a date tonight with a girl from Thailand. I just hope I don't end up blowing it.

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Jamie Varley sentenced to whole life term for raping and murdering infant boy he adopted with his partner John McGowan-Fazakerley who was sentenced to 25 years. In other news: Happy Pride Month!

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If male footballers have WAGs what do female footballers have? WAGs.

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I've just been called homophobic and I can't understand why. I love my home, it's the gay neighbours I can't stand.

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How do you torture a homosexual? Throw him into a bottomless pit!

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To honour Pride Month, I made a comprehensive list of all the Middle Eastern nations that are LGHDTV friendly: 1. Israel.

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If women are always right, how do lesbians settle arguments?

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Now that gay marriage has become legal in the UK, Ikea has responded by exclusively releasing a new range of lesbian furniture in its British branches. There's no screwing involved, and it's all tongue and groove.

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What's the difference between the current sickipedia and Futurama? There's only one Bender on Futurama

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I hear there was a vicious punch-up broke out last night at the local lesbian bar. Those involved are probably at home today, licking their wounds.

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If a girl fucks more than 10 guys in a year she's called a slut. But if a bloke does it he's gay, definitely gay.

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During meditation, a monk asks his master “Master. If a man shaves his arse, is he gay?” His master thought for a moment and replied: “A man who cleans his ,house clearly expects a visitor.”

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Yesterday I got accused of being homophobic. Absolute bollocks. I love Lesbians, they make the best movies.

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What do you call a paki transvestite? Manish

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Watched a movie last night about two gay cowboys who fall in love, but then die of AIDS. I think it was called Bareback Mountin'.

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I've often wondered, if I was stuck on a desert island with a gay guy, no women around, no animals, and every day we are both working really hard to survive and getting leaner and more muscular, if one night a crate of whisky washes up and we were really drunk sitting by the fire underneath the stars... How long before I killed him and cooked him on the fire?

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I was having an argument with my mate Dave in the pub about which British based male singer had the most distinctive voice, he decided to start canvasing other customers in the pub; The first person he asked said "Definitely George Michael . . . or perhaps Elton John?" The next person he asked said "It's bound to be Freddie Mercury . . . or perhaps Will Young?" He asked another person, they said "It's got to be Marc Almond . . . or is it Boy George?" Another customer suggested "Definitely Mika. . . no wait, it might be Olly Alexander?" The last person he asked said "Probably Jimmy Somerville . . . or maybe Holly Johnson?" Dave was getting really frustrated by this point and snapped "For Christ's sake, can't anyone give me a straight answer?"

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As a teenager, I once walked in on one of my mates performing fellatio on another. The fellatee in that incident later came out of the closet and has a boyfriend nowadays, whereas the fellater has a wife and kids. I guess it's true what they say; one swallow doesn't make a bummer.

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In gay men's defence, they're very keen on personal hygiene. Which is surprising, given what they get to to in public toilets.

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Why are Lesbos unhappy? Because you can't pronounce happiness without the penis

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The new bloke at work has invited me round to his place tonight for some 'man fun'. Awesome. I hope he's got table football and a PS5.

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Why do so many gays take so long to come out of the closet? Because some of the clothes in there are just fabulous!

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How do you fit 4 gays on a bar stool? Turn it upside down.

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My gay neighbour said, 'I've got a blind date tonight. Oooohh, I hope he's handsome!' I replied, 'What does it matter? You'll mostly be looking at the back of his head anyway.'

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The Queen was very upset at Princess Diana's funeral. But he still played the piano well.

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Last night I slept 8 hours straight. Except for the 2 hours of hardcore gay orgy dreams. Nod to DraigGoch

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Whaddaya call a Japanese homo? Tak Mashita.

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You're either non-binary or you're not.

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Some people say I'm a bigot but at least I'll admit there are 37 genders. Male, female and 35 kinds of faggot.

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Thanks to supergalley for setting up this new site. The old one was about as much use as a gloryhole in a lesbian bar.

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Nursing homes are gonna be wild in 50 years when troons get Alzheimer's and start wondering where their dicks went.

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Arm wrestling: Two blokes holding hands and looking into each other's eyes

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Apparently, the most popular cottaging site for gays in Edinburgh is Calton Hill. Strange that. I thought those fellas would prefer to go up Arthur's Seat.

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It's not all bad this new pronoun shite. I mean, if I'm talking to a girl in a bar and she tells me her pronouns, I immediately know we have nothing in common so I can tell her to fuck off and save time.

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I may hate the queers but I don't hold anything against lesbians. Because they won't let me.

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Whaddaya call a gay Teletubby? Stinky Winky.

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Nicola Sturgeon did not use the kitchen at the home she shared with Peter Murrell as "she doesn't have a passion for cooking", a former SNP MP has claimed. This might sound like a lame excuse for why she never saw his expensive purchases, but to be fair it is widely rumoured that she prefers eating out.

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Did you hear about the Gay magician? He vanished with a poof.

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I got home from work and my American wife had befriended a transvestite tramp and dressed him in one of her old dresses, "Tell me the truth love, " she asked, "does my bum look big in this?"

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I know all this bollocks that kids can class themselves as “Non-Binary” these days and everything, but surely not when they’re 10 years old?

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One of the anti trans lot said women can't have a penis. Well they have mine whether they like it or not

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What's the difference between a gay man and a microwave? Microwaves don't brown your meat

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What’s the best thing about transphobia? It has finally got people interested in women’s sports.

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Elton John, David Furnish and Justin Bieber are walking down the street, when Bieber trips and ends up with his head wedged in some railings. Furnish says, 'Quick, Elton! Run into that shop over there and get some butter!' Elton replies, 'Nah, I'll just spit on my cock.'

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I was in this bar last night, and this bloke with a moustache came up to me and lisped, 'Fancy a bum?' I replied, 'Uh, no thanks. I've already got one.' What a queer fellow.

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