I always sweat a lot when I have sex. Probably due to the wool in my balaclava.

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I dropped the soap in the prison showers this morning. A big nigger, with a cock like a python, handed it back to me. "Nice try, you ugly cunt," he said.

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Apparently " Harder" is not a good choice of safe-word

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A woman ran into a police station shrieking "Help, help, I've been aped!" The Desk Sergeant said "Miss, do you mean raped?" She replied "No, they were niggers!" Nod to Allobosca!

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A woman phones up the police and states that she's been "graped" The police reply "don't you mean raped" "No, there was a bunch of them"

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I met an Irish woman last night, she said the English were the real terrorists. So IRAped her.

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I saw loose women today for the first time in ages. I left my dungeon door open.

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What do paedophile hunters from Yorkshire put on their Christmas tree? t'incel

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What has 8 hairy black legs, 7 eyes and makes women scream?
 Getting gang raped.

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"So, what are you looking for in a relationship?" I asked my date. "Security," she smiled. Well, she'll definitely get that locked in my cellar.

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A man walks into a pub... sees a big jar filled with money behind the bar. He asks the barman what it's there for and is told that it is a long-running competition - pay a fiver to enter and if you can complete three challenges, you get to keep all of the money. "Sounds interesting"... the man says... "ok, what are the challenges, I might have a go." "Well, says the barman, "First you have to knock back two pints of this unnamed, rancid, extremely strong spirit... "Second, the landlord's rottweiler has a bad tooth, you have to remove it"... "ok, sounds fine so far - I'll give it a go", the man thinks. "Thirdly," says the landlord, "the landlord's 85-year old grandmother is upstairs... she's not had an orgasm in 40 years - you have to give her that pleasure." "Erm... maybe I'll give it a miss", the man says and sits down to drink his pint. After a few beers, he reconsiders and decides to take up the challenge. He drinks the spirit effortlessly to cheers around the bar. Next he goes out to the yard.... the people in the pub hear barking, whining, screaming, snapping and whimpering. But the man comes back into the pub unscathed and says... ..."ok, so where's the grandmother with the bad tooth?"

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Statistics are so easy to misrepresent. Left wing civil servants claim that Mohammed is the most popular boys male in delivery wards. By the same logic: I'm a big celebrity at my local rape-crisis centre

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