chatting to a young girl in the pub last night i said to her " so what do they call you then?"....she replied " vivaldi", so i said " is that after the great composer?".... she said, " no, its because my name is viv and i work at Aldi"...
Masturbation randypecker (58) · 07-12-2025 2150My bird said she doesn't finger herself when she's on her period. Today I caught her red-handed.
Masturbation supergalley 🥈 (169) · 10-03-2026 0427I had to see my GP yesterday with dizzy spells, he has told me that I need to masturbate more often. Well, what he actually said was "Mr Goch, you may have a stroke any time!"
Masturbation DdraigGoch (252) · 06-03-2026 0950Glad to see Kylie enjoying her number 1 at Christmas, and I'll enjoy a number 3 while thinking about that. Also, not the first time George Michael was in the number 2 slot.
Masturbation ianwatkins 🥈 (695) · 19-12-2025 1809Last night I watched that Charlie's Angels movie sequel with Cameron Diaz and Demi Moore in it. Cunning stunts, all right. I was giving it Full Throttle.
Masturbation theverydevilhimself 🥈 (64) · 29-04-2026 0610At a four-year-old’s birthday party, the grown-ups were in the kitchen drinking wine when the little boy ran through and said “Mummy! Why is Grandma playing with a shrimp?” The mother poked her head around the door only to see that senility had, once again, forced Grandma to take all of her clothes off. She was lying on the sofa, legs apart, playing with herself. “Erm, darling, that’s not a shrimp that she’s playing with,” the mother replied. “That’s her clitoris”. With a puzzled expression, the boy said, “But mummy - it tastes like shrimp”.
Masturbation Allobosca 🥇 🥇 (479) · 17-04-2026 2330Since it's Holocaust Memorial Day I'm going to look at pictures of sexy Jewish celebrities and have an "Anne Frank".
Masturbation ianwatkins 🥈 (695) · 28-01-2026 1954As I've gotten older, every year I need stranger and weirder porn to jerk off to. This week I'm watching musical parodies but I still couldn't cum. Then I found Shitty Titty Gangbang 💦
Masturbation ianwatkins 🥈 (695) · 12-12-2025 1528My dentist was puzzled as to why I needed fillings, despite brushing twice a day with my sonic toothbrush. I recently figured out the problem for myself. Turns out every time I brushed, some of the toothpaste was dripping down into the join between the brush head and the base, then drying out to form a powdery 'cushion' that muffled the sonic vibrations reaching the head. Easily remedied - now after brushing, I just detach the head and give both parts a quick rinse before re-assembling. Went for my check-up the other day, and my dentist said, 'Well, I'm seeing a lot of improvement here. What are you doing differently?' I replied, 'Well, I've changed my morning routine. Now whenever I'm done brushing my teeth, I pull the head off it.'
Masturbation theverydevilhimself 🥈 (64) · 25-04-2026 1013What's the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't.................................
Masturbation gnashermenace (35) · 03-12-2025 1402