I broke up with my girlfriend when she confessed that she used to walk the streets and fuck random people. I could never date a traffic warden.

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To all the blokes that got their girlfriends or wives lingerie for Christmas... On behalf of all of her male Instagram followers, cheers, we like it!

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When Bonnie Blue was a toddler she often refused to eat. So her mum would put food on the spoon and say "Here comes the aeroplane... ...pilot's dick."

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I was in Wetherspoons last night and this 7 foot tattooed skinhead came up to me and said "'ere mate, are you looking at my girlfriends tits?" I said "Well her tits looked at me first!"

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2 prostitutes on a street corner 1st one "you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" "No but I've been swung around by the tits a couple of times"

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3 prostitutes in a bar, first one says "I've had so much sex I can stick my fist up my cunt". Second one says "that's nothing, I've had so much sex I can stick both fists up my cunt". Third one says "I beat both of you... I've had so much sex I..." and she slid 5 inches down the barstool!

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What has the Herald of Free Enterprise got in common with a prostitute? They both lie on their side, flaps open, full of dead seamen.

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What do you say to a Serbian prostitute? Slobberdownmycockyoubitch!

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What do you call a prostitute with white eyes? Full.

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Keir Starmer flies to China for three day visit. Can't blame him, last year I spent a month in Pattaya.

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How do you make a hormone? Don't pay her.

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