Banned From Heaven Logo — click for Terms & Conditions
PV 786503
🔥
23
💩

My blood pressure is quite high so my doctor told me to eat more vegetables, leafy greens, kale, spinach etc. It tastes like shit but I just put loads of salt on it.

Age/Elderly

0 comments

ianwatkins 🥈 🥉 (2117) · 24-07-2026 2047
🔥
16
💩

My wife suggested I take the kids skimming down the river. The 2-yr-old went the furthest.

Age/Elderly

0 comments

garry6291 (641) · 28-08-2026 1049
🔥
11
💩

My 90 year old mum had a funny turn and we called an ambulance. The paramedic asked her, "what's the date?" she knew that "where do you live?" she knew that "who's the prime minister?" She looked at him and said "that's not a fair question, but whoever it is they're a cunt"

Age/Elderly

0 comments

Stickyagain (2066) · 22-08-2026 1719
🔥
10
💩

I hate it when you walk into a room and totally forget why you went in there. Especially, when you're walking back downstairs and suddenly shit yourself.

Age/Elderly

0 comments

notbaldbob (1145) · 05-07-2026 0826
🔥
9
💩

'...If you ever get to a point in your life and you think nobody cares whether you're living or dead... Just miss a couple of mortgage payments.'

Age/Elderly

0 comments

monkeybobhouse (35) · 13-08-2026 1210
🔥
8
💩

I wish I hadn't done my Tom Jones tribute act at the care home now. That barrage of Tena pads will haunt me forever.

Age/Elderly

1 comment

scotty (547) · 22-08-2026 1742
🔥
8
💩

My Dad is complaining about his chronic scoliosis again He's got the hump

Age/Elderly

0 comments

LennysCrevasse (1333) · 28-07-2026 0916
🔥
7
💩

How do you know when you are getting old? When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

Age/Elderly

0 comments

Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 12-07-2026 1101
🔥
6
💩

Lethal Weapon star Danny Glover reveals Alzheimer’s diagnosis. He really is getting too old for this shit.

Age/Elderly

0 comments

theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 01-07-2026 1722
🔥
5
💩

That's the last time I discuss the stock market with Wayne Rooney When I asked him about today's FTSE he said, "Had to cancel it la, Beryl's lost both her legs to diabetes"

Age/Elderly › Senior Sex Senior Sex

0 comments

LennysCrevasse (1333) · 27-08-2026 1717
🔥
5
💩

I vividly recall my Grandfather and I digging a hole in the back garden and it filling with water. Ah, yes. I remember that well.

Age/Elderly

0 comments

notbaldbob (1145) · 28-07-2026 0631
🔥
4
💩

King Harold of Norway sat on the throne for 35 years. I've had bad constipation, but never THAT bad.

Age/Elderly

0 comments

OkiPaul (190) · 29-08-2026 0536
🔥
3
💩

What's the difference between a kit kat and an old hooker? You only get four fingers in a kit kat

Age/Elderly

0 comments

Irishstu (184) · 30-06-2026 2010
End of list (13 shown)