I saw my mate who has no legs yesterday waiting at the bus stop. I said "alright Dave , how are you getting on?"
My friend from America is visiting me and he told me that he done a good deed today by holding an elevator door open for a spastic. I told him that kind of talk is not welcome in this country. In England we call them lifts.
Disability Joeydeaconsbastard (1173) · 16-07-2026 1919We call my grandad "Spiderman" he hasn't got any special powers, he just can't get out of the bath.
Disability Stickyagain (2066) · 11-06-2026 2011A priest gets onto his train and finds his seat, opposite a heavily pregnant lady. She stops knitting to nod hello, and the priest nods back as he takes out his thermos and newspaper. Over the course of the journey, he can't help but notice over his paper that every ten minutes the lady stops knitting, takes out a bottle of tablets, pops two, then goes back to her needles. Eventually, curiosity gets the better of him, and he spies on her pill-popping, and he's shocked to see that the bottle is marked Thalydomide. Stopping her, he stammers "Eh-excuse me m-miss, but don'y you know t-that thal-thalydomide can s-s-seriously harm your b-baby?" "Yes," she replies, "but I can't do sleeves."
Disability Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 13-05-2026 2114Last Christmas I got the Katie Price advent calendar. If you open its flaps you end up with some really thick chocolate.
Disability theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 22-08-2026 1936What do you call someone who has a deformed foot,a nasty speech impediment ,a large hump on his back and only one eye. Names.
Disability Squeaky (1929) · 13-08-2026 0752I'm really good at my job weeding out fraudsters at the benefit office. Just yesterday this woman came in with her son, who was in a wheelchair. "He can't walk. He needs to be spoon-fed. I need help getting him in and out the shower..." she said. I looked at the boy skeptically and made a few notes. "How old is he?" I asked her, smiling reasuringly. "He's nine," the woman said. "And he is incapable of moving independently?" I asked, scribbling in my notebook. "He has severely impaired motor-skills which mean he finds it impossible to perform tasks like dressing or eating by himself. He needs full-time care." "I see," I said, examining the boy from different angles and continuing to take notes. "And is his condition neurological or is it a muscular degenerative condition?" "He has cerebral palsey so it is neurological," his mother replied. I nodded. "And has his condition manifested recently or has he always been a retard?" I asked. "My son is not a retard!" the woman shouted furiously. "I fucking knew it!" I said.
Disability Hengist (858) · 19-07-2026 0712Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some chips and sweeties. Jack can't keep his cholesterol down and Jill's got diabetes
I have a couple of those fidget-spinners in the house. Or if you want to use the correct terminology, my children have autism.
Disability theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 26-06-2026 1438Old People An old lady is sitting in an old persons home looking out the window when an old man walks up to her and says "I know we can no longer take pleasure is sexual activities but could you come to the park with me and hold my penis?" Seeing no harm in this she agrees and it becomes a regular occourance. The same bench, the same day of the week. untill one day the old lady goes to their regualr spot and he isn't there. Slightly upset about this she goes looking for him. She gginds him sitting on a bench with another woman holding his penis! Distraught by this she goes up to him and shouts "What does she have that I don't?! He looks up smiling and says "Parkinsons".
Disability Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 23-06-2026 1631I tried to get into a support group for people with Tourette's Syndrome, but they told me to fuck off.
Disability theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 07-06-2026 1235I bought a pair of epileptic trousers. I had to take them back as they didn't fit.
Disability Stickyagain (2066) · 07-06-2026 1000I've created a burlesque show featuring women who are missing arms or legs. It's called Amputease.
Disability ianwatkins 🥈 🥉 (2117) · 22-05-2026 1527My mate has OCD, so I bought him a picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He's going fucking nuts trying to hang it straight.
Disability Stallion (1608) · 25-01-2026 1336I phoned the Child Abuse Hotline. A kid answered, called me a cunt and told me to fuck off.
Disability Stallion (1608) · 04-12-2025 2105What's white, gets licked daily and moans louder than your constipated grandad? The local spastics bus.
Disability › Wheelchair Wheelchair MoistenReady69 (37) · 07-09-2026 1622What's the difference between the BBC and Simon Cowell? Cowell tells retards to fuck off when they want to be on the telly
Disability › Learning Disability Learning Disability LennysCrevasse (1333) · 20-08-2026 1356My dyslexic mate said he can remember where he was when KFC was shot.
Disability garry6291 (641) · 13-08-2026 2050My wife does NOT have Tourettes, I really am a fucking cunt.
Disability Stickyagain (2066) · 19-07-2026 1304My son's special school threw him a party today for his birthday. Many happy retards!
Disability theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 11-06-2026 0617How many spastics does it take to change a lightbulb? Fuck knows. The first one smashed it on his forehead.
Disability theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 08-06-2026 0543How do you know when your cabbage is boiled? It's wheelchair rises to the top.
Disability Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 22-05-2026 2342Sadly my obese parrot has died from over eating . At least it's a huge weight off my shoulders .
Disability garry6291 (641) · 12-02-2026 1244A recent report shows a 20% increase in the number of cases of dwarfism in the UK over the past ten years. It's a growing problem.
Disability Squeaky (1929) · 18-08-2026 0833I farted on the bus the other day, it was just like being on "the voice" four people span round and stared at me.
Disability Stickyagain (2066) · 05-08-2026 1909My doctor said I don't eat enough vegetables. So I've started dating a spastic girl who loves oral sex.
Disability notbaldbob (1145) · 24-07-2026 0537I once had an overactive dog that kept jumping up on people. So I named him "Syndrome".
Disability OkiPaul (190) · 23-07-2026 0354Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares the shit out of the dog.
Disability Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 17-06-2026 2239A dyslexic mate of mine joined a poetry club, as he thought it might help with his condition. I've never heard him come out with any poems yet, but he's made some pretty nice jugs and vases and stuff.
Disability theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 10-06-2026 0453This bloke asked me to take part in a charity run, so I said "piss off, no chance" and he said "arr, go on mate it's for blind and spastic kids", and I thought Fuck it, I could win this...
Disability Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 08-06-2026 2228A rich woman has been lonely all her life; so puts an ad in a Lonely Hearts column saying, "Lovely gentleman wanted - to share life, love and fortune with. Conditions: 1) Won't beat me up 2) Won't run away 3) Good in bed." Predictably she gets hundreds of offers, but none are suitable. Eventually she answers her doorbell to see a man with no arms and no legs. "Who are you?" asks she. "I'm your dream husband!" replies he, "I've got no arms so I can't beat you up and no legs so I can't run away." "Are you good in bed?" "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
Disability Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 10-05-2026 1328My mate who has Tourettes has just bought a new car. I asked him if he bought it outright, but he said he got it on tick.
Disability Stickyagain (2066) · 25-07-2026 1903I use dating sites to find girls with Down Syndrome, so I can sexually exploit them. Or as I call it, playing Poke A Mongo.
Disability theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 16-06-2026 1553Met a deaf guy with one arm. Quite the speech impediment.
Disability innit 🥉 🥉 (939) · 05-06-2026 0419I was parked in a disabled zone, when a traffic warden knocked on my window. "What's your disability then?," he asked. "Tourettes," I replied, "Now fuck off, you cunt."
Disability Stallion (1608) · 23-02-2026 1541When I was in high school there was a girl in my class called Bernie. Her full name wasn't Bernadette or Bernice, it was Susan. She just had 3rd degree burns all over her face.
Disability ianwatkins 🥈 🥉 (2117) · 30-12-2025 0818I rang Rochdale A.F.C about a place for my wheelchair bound wife at the ground. "Well I think she'll be ok, " I was told, "but she'll probably have to play in goal. "
Disability Kimjongreject (287) · 15-12-2025 0959How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightyear?
It's.getting daft now with this ultra-PC woke bullshit - you can't even say "shortbread" You have to say, "Please stick a couple of slices in Warwick. If you can reach the toaster"
Disability LennysCrevasse (1333) · 02-08-2026 1605Carlsberg don't do anterograde amnesia, but if they did.... Carlsberg don't do anterograde amnesia
Disability LennysCrevasse (1333) · 30-07-2026 1710Stephen Hawking was very competent in his field, notwithstanding
Disability LennysCrevasse (1333) · 23-07-2026 1127If you ate Stephen Hawking, would that count as one of your "five a day" portions?
Disability Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 02-07-2026 0953Customer: "Buh dickit do Dottingham pleabe" Ticket clerk: "Sorry sir?" Customer: "I thaid, buh dickit do Dottingham pleabe." Tickit clerk: "Oh, you have got it bad, must be the weather. Have you tried Vicks?" Customer: "Mwhy Dud dat cure Down Thyndwome
Disability Allobosca 🥈 (2268) · 28-06-2026 2217I have one eye,no arms and a ten inch cock. I class myself as partially disabled.
Disability Squeaky (1929) · 06-06-2026 0924I went to a public execution and noticed that the bloke they were going to hang only had one arm and one leg. To make it a bit more lighthearted, I started shouting vowels and consonants.
Disability Stallion (1608) · 12-02-2026 1646Poor Anne Frank, She couldn't even put milk on her Rice Krispies.
Disability garry6291 (641) · 16-01-2026 1031My neighbour and her new boyfriend both have osteoporosis. They met on Snapchat.
Disability Harold-Bisop (76) · 26-12-2025 0630My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Disability supergalley 🥇 (2032) · 02-12-2025 2351