As we left the restaurant, she kissed me and said, "We should have dinner again." "I don't think so," I replied, "I'm full."

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A woman walks up to the bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. So he gives it to her.

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Knowing there would be lots of kissing on New Years Eve, I decided to shave off the moustache, unfortunately she woke up when I sprayed the shaving foam on her face.

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I've been trying to find out from the wife all week how her treatment went for frigidity. She's remaining very tight lipped though.

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I went for a walk with a beautiful woman. Then she noticed me. So, we went for a run.

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If a female comedian tells a joke and nobody laughs, does she have to make everyone a sandwich?

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Took my girlfriend to meet my parents last night.. The wife wasn't very happy though.

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Father: Listen son, no matter what you hear or read, wanking will not make you go blind... Son: Dad, I'm over here...

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"What's the problem?," asked the doc. "The entrance to my arse is sore," I said. "That's probably because you call it the entrance," he replied.

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The lady who was interviewing me for a job said, "I've got three openings." "Obviously," I replied, "you're a woman."

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How does a chav turn the light on after sex? Opens the car door.

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I rang the paranoia society this morning. The girl at the other end said How did you get this number?

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Easily stop your wife from sucking her thumb by drawing a cock on it.

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I may not be a gynaecologist, but I know a cunt when I see one.

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I haven't had sex for so long it feels as though I'm married again.

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Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

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I hate being dyslexic, especially at Christmas. I've had so many punches and slaps because I often get 'Cameltoe' and Mistletoe' mixed up. But you try explaining that to a judge.

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You're old if you remember seeing this as the top Joke for many years.... Statistically 9 out 10 people enjoy gang rape.

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I'm just a sensitive lover unlearning trauma. A S.L.U.T. if you will.

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How do you get a gay man to shag your girlfriend? Shit in her cunt.

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If going into space for 3 minutes makes you an astronaut, then I'm a gynaecologist

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One Saturday, I got up early to go fishing but heavy rain and wind forced me to cancel. I quietly undressed and slipped back into bed, cuddling up to my wife. "Terrible weather out there," I whispered. Without turning around she replied, "Can you believe my idiot husband went out fishing in this?"

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