I can always tell if a woman has a good sense of humour. Just by feeling her breasts.

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What does paying for a sandwich and paying for a hooker have in common? Both could have been prevented if your wife was doing her job

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I said to the chemist "can I have some Viagra please" He said "have you got a prescription?" I said "no, but here's a picture of my wife"

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Went dogging last night,never again. When I got home my car was like a painter's radio.

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I take after my mother, except for the whole penis thing. I can take them or leave them, she's mad about them.

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I like to lie on my stomach so my cock gets numb. Then it feels like I'm giving someone else a wank.

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I met this really fit girl in the pub last night but I had to walk away when I realised she was really childish. She said she wanted to take me home and ride me like a horse.

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I matched with a girl called Faith who said she’d heard every joke about her name. So, in my best Mike Tyson voice, I asked: “Will you let me run my ballth acroth your faith?” Apparently that was a new one.

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I despise going to see my GP, it really is a pain in the ass. I wish I never had to go see Dr. A. Nal

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Like Ash , I'm also a part time gynecologist. I'm just keeping my hand in

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Sometimes I am quite close to my girlfriend but then I become more distant. And I keep repeating that until I ejaculate.

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As I was dancing next to this girl, I moved her closer to me and said, "Can you smell my Brut?" She said, "No but I can feel it"

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Katie Price is forever hungry for media attention. She likes as many column inches as she can get.

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