Congratulations to Bonnie Blue on this big milestone… First time she’s had to guide someone OUT of her minge.

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I must have really pissed off the wife when we had a go at erotic asphyxiation. She's been lying there for five days now,giving me the silent treatment.

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Definition of Obscenity: Anything that gives the judge an erection.

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It must be great being a necrophiliac. You can just go straight up to someone and tell them you fancy them rotten.

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How can you tell when you are a good rapist? When she gets on top halfway through Credit, the old wiki site , in pre insect days

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I met this girl in a club and she was all over me, she whispered in my ear "I want you to fuck me me really badly" She wasn't disappointed.

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I can't stand it when women breastfeed in public. There's always a fucking baby in the way of the action.

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I told the woman sitting in front of me in the bus that she had semen on the back of her hair. She smiled and said, ' It's probably just shampoo. ' ' I don't ejaculate shampoo, ' I replied.

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Bonnie Blue gives birth to first child. She was in labour for nearly 20 seconds.

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I was trying to chat up a girl in a bar. She said " I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last man on earth" I said "if I were the last man on earth, who would stop me?"

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I can't wait until Bonnie Blue's kid is old enough to Google her Mother.

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If Adam & Eve had been German... They'd have used the snake for auto-erotic asphyxiation and repeatedly shoved the apple up eachother's arses

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Asylum seekers were taught how to avoid having sex with underage girls in Britain A better lesson would be how to avoid Britain.

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A bloke goes to the doctors as he's a bit uncomfortable "downstairs" The doctor has a look and says "well, you've made medical history you have three testicles" The bloke is overjoyed, he gets on the bus and says to the bloke next to him "I bet you £50 we've got five bollocks between us" The other bloke opens his flies and said "OK, here's my one, where's your four?"

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Now that I'm in my forties, I have to face the fact that sixteen-year-old girls just don't want to have sex with me. For me it's just like being sixteen again.

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On holiday in Thailand,I picked up this gorgeous woman in a bar one night. She looked like a woman,walked like a woman,talked like a woman and kissed like a woman. But when she parked the car first time I just knew there was a cock and bollocks under that dress.

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Me and my new girlfriend are at it like rabbits. My penis is tiny and I ejaculate in under 2 seconds.

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My wife kept telling me I should get something that would improve my sex drive. I came back from the pharmacy with two big boxes of diet pills for her.

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It’s been three weeks since Dolly died Still would

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What's green and fucks grannies? Wayne Rooney dressed up as Robin Hood

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Mohamed Al Fayed had a Harley Street doctor carry out invasive sexual health tests on his alleged victims. These spontaneous affairs need careful planning.

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Bonnie Blue… The first woman ever to announce her second pregnancy before leaving the maternity ward.

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OnlyFans model reveals fan offered her fifty pounds to poo in a box and post it to him. Fucking hell, and I've been posting mine to my local MP for free for years.

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I've got my wife's name tattooed halfway up my forearm. To show how far I've had my fist up her arse.

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Christ, getting older sucks. My barber used to sell me rubber johnnies for the weekend. Now he sells me Viagra for the weak end.

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UN votes to adopt new world map to reflect Africa's true size. China must be shitting themselves.

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What's long, hard and stirs Popeye's porridge? Bluto's cock

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Home-Ec Teacher: "Now I'll wrap this in spinach and smear it with plenty of olives. Can someone tell me what I've got?" Little Jonny: "Popeye's cock, Miss?"

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Why don't Germans have a sense of humour? Because if you can't laugh at your 17-year-old daughter taking a dump on your back and massaging it, you never will

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Where & how did Wayne Rooney lose his virginity? Nantucket

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Milo Yiannopoulos, the British far-right commentator deported from America by ICE, has said he now feels 'shame' about previously supporting Trump and mass deportations. He doesn't like it up him, eh?

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I went on a date and she asked if I'd ever sucked a dick. 'Only my own'

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