My date said she liked men who make an effort. She should see the well I dug in the cellar.
Dark WayOutWest (419) · 27-07-2026 1857HR asked whether I struggle to read social cues. I said no, then moved my chair closer because she seemed nervous.
Dark WayOutWest (419) · 26-07-2026 1746"Do you love me?," she asked, "because I really love you." "No, I think of you more as a clingy nuisance," I replied to my 4 year old daughter.
Dark Stallion (1597) · 27-07-2026 2008Over dinner my date asked me, 'So, do you have any guilty pleasures?' I replied, 'Of course I do. Everyone does. But it's our first date, I'd be far too embarrassed to tell you about that sort of thing.' 'Don't be shy! Tell you what, how about you tell me yours and then I'll tell you mine?' 'Okay, then. Here goes... Sometimes when I'm masturbating, I like to spread peanut butter on my cock and get the dog to lick it off. Deal's a deal, now you tell me yours!' 'Erm... The Carpenters and Billy Joel.'
Dark theverydevilhimself 🥇 🥇 🥈 (2186) · 26-07-2026 2150My grandad was tortured by the Japanese during the war. They cut his tongue out. But he never talked about it.
Dark Stickyagain 🥈 (1380) · 28-07-2026 0714Those birthing pools are quite popular in China nowadays. They make the whole childbirth experience much more relaxed and natural, plus they're really handy if the baby turns out to be a girl.
Dark theverydevilhimself 🥇 🥇 🥈 (2186) · 24-07-2026 2102I had a very difficult childhood. My mum died when she was 12 and my dad was a peadophile.
Dark Stickyagain 🥈 (1380) · 23-07-2026 0818I hate solicitors and don't understand the law, it's so complicated. My next door neighbours have a large tree. Their 10 year old kid climbed the tree, fell out and got impaled on my fence post. Now, apparently, I have to get solicitors involved. . . . . . . If I want to keep my half of the body!
My wife wanted to die surrounded by family. So I loosened the brakes before the school run.
Dark WayOutWest (419) · 14-07-2026 1700They say having sex is a bit like riding a bike. I had a lot more experience of it as a child than I do as an adult.
Dark theverydevilhimself 🥇 🥇 🥈 (2186) · 06-08-2026 2013Child "abuse" is so subjective in my opinion For example, my Dad always gave me a wooden spoon to bite down on
Dark LennysCrevasse (693) · 05-08-2026 1340What does a vagina and a cactus have in common? If you open them carefully you find water.
Dark Squeaky (1465) · 25-07-2026 0801Just seen JD Vance's kid's birth certificate Method of Delivery: "Suddenly burst through chest"
Dark LennysCrevasse (693) · 24-07-2026 2000These lefty MPs banging on about politicians being intoxicated all the time might actually be true Look at Ann Widdecombe for Christ's sake. She got absolutely battered
Dark LennysCrevasse (693) · 14-07-2026 1734I met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet, and we ended up having sex right there and then. I fucking love my new Taser.
Dark notbaldbob (1172) · 14-07-2026 0608My wife's unborn baby has shifted position in the womb, and will be born feet-first. This new position is ideal for my purposes, though. Once more into the breech!
Dark theverydevilhimself 🥇 🥇 🥈 (2186) · 12-07-2026 1230I went to my GP as I thought I was severely depressed. He referred me to a psychiatrist, and at length the two of us talked through everything that was going on in my mind. His diagnosis was that I don't have depression at all; just an uncommonly perceptive and realistic view of human nature, the world as it is today, and where we are headed. Later I phoned him up to thank him for his help, but I couldn't get hold of him. He's been signed off sick for the next few months. Severe depression, apparently.
Dark theverydevilhimself 🥇 🥇 🥈 (2186) · 07-08-2026 2350The locksmith asked if it was an emergency. “She gets home in ten minutes.”
Dark WayOutWest (419) · 31-07-2026 1843David Fuller has said he'd love it if he could shag Kevin Keegan. Just love it
Dark LennysCrevasse (693) · 20-07-2026 1506