Michael Owen "never ever" tells his children he loves them. That must make the sex awkward.

0 comments

What Prince George can expect on his first day at Eton today. A moist digestive busicuit.

2 comments

It's really sad that Dolly didn't make it to nine-ty five. Fuck off admin, that's my best shot.

1 comment

I hated Ed Sheeran before it was cool

0 comments

I can't stand Sarah Ferguson, I'm lick toes intolerant

0 comments

Nicolas Cage's driveway collapses as sinkhole opens up at his Malibu home. It's okay though, they're going to fill it with his ego.

0 comments

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle would prefer to be public figures, not private citizens. But please, not too public.

0 comments

Ed Sheeran is very good around the house. In the space of a few hours, he did all his laundry, cleaning and then his Zioning

0 comments

What have Macklemore and Billie Piper got in common? They've both fucked a ginger cunt

0 comments

If Bonnie Blue keeps her baby alive, she's a better mother than Lindsay Clancy. The bar for motherhood is literally in hell.

0 comments

Heard a rare bootleg of an old Sinnead O'Connor and the chuckle brothers collaboration track. Nothing Compares 2U to Me

0 comments

Charlotte the quadruple amputee in the new series of big brother should take up prostitution. She could have a website advertising called cash and carry

0 comments

I reached out to Brian May in the street and he barked at me, "No autographs!" "I don't want your fucking autograph", I snapped back... "I want to you to kneel down so I can unbutton my kecks and get the dangleberries out of my arse with your hair"

0 comments

The only 147 break Graeme Dott will get in prison is how many cocks it takes to smash his brown ring in.

0 comments

Is Ed Sheeran getting commission from Big Shovel? That lad doesn't know when to stop digging

0 comments

There has been a lot of backlash around Sydney Sweeneys sports wear adds, she has a lot of knockers.

0 comments

Just heard the bootleg of a rare Sinead O'Connor and Bono duet. Nothing Compares U2.

0 comments

Former Duchess of York Sarah Ferguson plans to move back to Britain in the next few days. Will suck toe for accommodation.

0 comments