A woman walks into a pharmacy. "I have a headache," she says. "Do you have anything to cure a headache?" "Paracetamol," says the pharmacist. "And I have a sore throat," the woman says. "Do you have anything to cure a sore throat?" "Paracetamol," says the pharmacist. "And I just feel so unhappy all the time," she says. "Do you have anything that cures depression?" "Paracetamol," says the pharmacist. "Paracetamol cures depression?" the woman asks. "If you take enough of it, it does."
Suicide Hengist (472) · 18-07-2026 2244Someone asked me if I've ever tried to commit suicide. I replied "Loads of times but has you can see I'm not very good at it".
Suicide Joeydeaconsbastard (998) · 04-08-2026 2140Did you know that before they were famous, the members of Blondie all worked at the suicide hotline? They weren't very good. They left me hanging on the telephone. (Yes, yes, fine. I'll fuck off)
Suicide Hengist (472) · 12-06-2026 2041NHS announces "Feeling like dying but not really suicidal" new baseline for normal mental health.
Suicide innit (580) · 01-08-2026 0055What's the similarity between standing on the edge of a cliff and having an old woman suck you off. You don't want to look down.
Suicide Allobosca 🥇 (2375) · 29-05-2026 2328My 91 year old mother phoned me up to say she had had enough of living and asked me the best way to end her life. I told her to hold a gun under her left breast and pull the trigger. Later that evening I was informed that she had been rushed to hospital after blowing her left kneecap off.
Suicide Squeaky (1465) · 22-04-2026 0937My belt broke so I went to the shop to buy a new one. "I hope your trousers didn't fall down" said the shop assistant. "No, I did." I replied. (can we get a suicide category?)
Suicide ianwatkins 🥉 (1842) · 28-01-2026 0020