Did you know that before they were famous, the members of Blondie all worked at the suicide hotline? They weren't very good. They left me hanging on the telephone. (Yes, yes, fine. I'll fuck off)
Suicide Hengist (262) · 12-06-2026 2041What's the similarity between standing on the edge of a cliff and having an old woman suck you off. You don't want to look down.
Suicide Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥇 (1829) · 29-05-2026 2328My 91 year old mother phoned me up to say she had had enough of living and asked me the best way to end her life. I told her to hold a gun under her left breast and pull the trigger. Later that evening I was informed that she had been rushed to hospital after blowing her left kneecap off.
Suicide Squeaky (1031) · 22-04-2026 0937I was in a train carriage when a Muslim opened his jacket and showed his suicide vest, "Allau Akbar," he shouted. "Hang on a moment son, " I said to him,"you really don't want to do this. Do you see this hairy fat spotty greasy smelly girl stood next to me?" "Yes, " he said, "so what?" "This is my daughter," I replied, "and she's a virgin. "
Suicide Kimjongreject (298) · 26-02-2026 1202My belt broke so I went to the shop to buy a new one. "I hope your trousers didn't fall down" said the shop assistant. "No, I did." I replied. (can we get a suicide category?)
Suicide ianwatkins 🥉 🥈 (1368) · 28-01-2026 0020