A man walks into a barber shop and looks at the barber. He says, “How long until I can get a hair cut?” The barber looks around his shop and then says, “Three hours.” The man says okay and then leaves. Three hours go by and he doesn’t come back. A few days later the man is back at the barber shop. He asks, “How long until I can get a hair cut?” The barber looks around and says, “About two and a half hours.” The man nods and then leaves and he doesn’t come back. The man does this for a while. One day he comes in again and asks, “How long until I can get a haircut?” The barber, a bit hesitant, says “About an hour, you can chill here if you want.” The man shakes his head and says, “It’s okay. I’ll be back,” and he leaves. The barber looks at one of his friends and says, “Follow that guy. I wanna know what he’s doing.” The friend nods and follows the stranger. When the friend gets back he’s laughing. The barber says, “Where did he go?” The friend says, “To your house.”
Long Story supergalley (603) · 10-12-2025 0326A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "hang on! You're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you can talk!" exclaims the barman. "I see your ears are working, too," says the Duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?" "Certainly, sorry about that" says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?" "I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer." The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves. The same thing happens for two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "you're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!" "Sounds marvelous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call." So the next day when the Duck comes into the pub the barman says, "hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money." "I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?" "At the circus," says the barman. "The circus?" repeats the duck. "That's right," replies the barman. "The circus?" the duck asks again. "With the big TENT?" "Yeah," the barman replies. "With all the animals who live in CAGES, and performers who live in CARAVANS?" says the duck. "Of course," the barman replies. "And the tent has CANVAS sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck. "That's right!" says the barman. The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says . "What the heck would they want with a plasterer??
Long Story supergalley (603) · 15-06-2026 0651The manager of a shop is training a new assistant in advanced sales techniques one sunny Friday in the springtime. "The trick isn't just getting someone to buy something" said the manager. "You have to convince them to buy something they don't want or don't know that they need". Leading by example, the manager tells the assistant to watch him when the next customer arrives. A few minutes later the bell rings as a customer enters the shop. "Fair morrow, Sir" emits the shopkeep. "How might we help Sir today?". "I'd like a packet of grass seed, please" said the customer. The manager trotted to a nearby shelf, selected an item and returned. "Here you are, sir, one packet of grass seed. If you just follow me now I'll take you to the garden hardware department to get you a lawnmower." "What do I want a lawnmower for?" asked the puzzled customer. "If Sir looks at the contents of Sir's hand Sir will espy a packet of grass seed," replied the manager. "Grass seed grows into grass which will eventually require cutting." "What a splendid wheeze!" said the customer before buying the proferred lawnmower. The manager now told the assistant "the next customer who comes in is yours. Whatever they ask for try and sell them something else that they didn't know they were going to need." A few short moments later the door opened, the bell tinkled and a second customer appeared. He approached the counter and spoke: "I'd like a couple of packets of tampons and a bottle of Feminax, please" he said. "Certainly sir... just a moment... there you go," said the assistant, reaching beneath the counter for the items. "And if you just follow me now I'll take you to the garden hardware department to get you a lawnmower." "A lawnmower?" puzzled the customer and manager together. "A lawnmower" replied the assistant. "It looks like you're weekend's fucked so you might as well mow the grass."
Long Story Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥇 (1829) · 03-06-2026 2012A driver is travelling through a forest when he comes across a man tied to a tree stark-bollock naked. The driver stops, and gets out and asks the man what's wrong. "Well, I was driving along and I stopped because I saw a woman lying in the road so I stopped. I went to help her when I felt someone clout me over the back of the head and I blacked out. When I awoke I found myself tied to this tree, and my car was gone." said the man. "That's terrible!" said the driver. "It gets worse...", continued the man, "...I was found by a passing truck driver. He got out of his cab, and finding me like this, stole my wallet, my phone, and my house-keys". "That's horrendous." exclaimed the driver. "It gets even worse..." said the man, close to tears "... after he left a tramp wandered by, and finding me like this, stole all my clothes, leaving me here as you find me." "D'you know what?" asked the driver. "What?" replies the man. "It's just not your lucky day." says the driver, as he unzips his trousers...
Long Story Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥇 (1829) · 28-04-2026 1752A teacher at school is trying to emphasise to her pupils the point of having a good breakfast, and how it makes you cleverer than those who don't eat it. To make a point, she asks John, the cleverest boy in the class what he had for breakfast: "Muesli and a slice of wholemeal toast with jam miss" and she asks him how many states there are in America "50 miss". She then asks Jenny, the cleverest girl in the class what she had for breakfast: "A big bowl of frosties and a big glass of orange juice miss" and she asks her what the longest river in the world is "the Nile miss" She then turns around and asks Billy, the stupidest kid in the class what he ate: "I had a stale crust for breakfast miss". The class giggled, the teacher tutted and told him he should have something more substantial. "Okay Billy, can you tell me where the Indian border is?" "Oh that's easy!" Exclaimed Billy "He's in bed with me mam. That's why I only had a stale crust for my breakfast!"
Long Story Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥇 (1829) · 04-06-2026 2151In a battalion of the foreign legion there is a new Commandant. He is greeted by the lieutenant who shows him around the fort. "This is the kitchen, grubs served 3 times a day." "This is the main barracks all the privates sleep in here" "This is the officer's mess, you'll be staying in that room" "Finally this is the stable" THe new commandant looks around the stable inspecting the horses on show. Most are fin, thoroughbreds, proper cavalry horses. Finally at the end of the row is a decrepid looking camel. He is flea bitten and scraggy and looks half dead. The commandant asks, "Why is that camel here it looks good for nothing?" The lieutenant replies "Yeh, the soldiers only use it when they need to relieve sexual tension" The commandant is shocked by this but reasons, in the deset you've gotta have something to release the tension. The commandant quickly settles into the daily life of the fort. However after a few weeks he really needs to "let off some steam". Feeling impressed with his integration into the foriegn legion he decides that he should do as the other soldiers do so goes down to the stable one night, drops his trousers and proceeds to shag the camel. He's about half way through when the lieutenant enters, "What are you doing sir!" "I'm just relieving my sexual tension using the camel like you said the other men did" "Well yes but they use it to ride into town to use the brothels there!"
Long Story Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥇 (1829) · 23-06-2026 1119A man is visiting his elderly father at his apartment, when the warden suggests to him that his father might be in need of more full-time attention and that he may be better suited in a rest home. The man explains the situation to his father. Son: Dad I think it's time we put you in a home, so you can be looked after properly. Dad: No son, I'm fine, really I am... Don't put me in a home. Son: There's a very nice retirement home just near us, we'll just book you in there for a week, and see how it goes... ok ?? Dad: Ok son, but only a week. The dad is packed off to this home and the next morning wakes up in a nice comfortable bed, with a nurse asking what he'd like for breakfast. He chooses a full english breakfast and is about to tuck in, when he realises he has an eretion, sticking out from beneath the sheets. He immediately goes to cross his legs, but the nice nurse says "let me deal with that.." Much to the mans astonishment, the nurse starts giving him a blowjob, a really wet filthy blowjob, he can't believe it. After the ordeal is over, the father rushed to the phone to call his son. Dad: Son, I'm definately staying here, this place is marvellous, I woke up with a stiffy this morning and the nurse gave me a blowjob !! Son: Oh, good for you dad... I'll be round to see you later. Later that day a nurse comes in to tell the elderly man that his son is here to see him. the father gets up and head towards the main entrance, unfortunately he trips over in the hallway. Whilst he's bent over, and cunning male nurse runs up behind him and gives him a piece up the arse. The aged gentleman screams and the nurse runs off. The elderly man finds his son begins explaining what had happened. Dad: I just tripped in the corridor and a male nurse buggered me. I'm not staying here if that's going to happen. Son: Well come on dad, you did get a blowjob... You just have to take the rough with the smooth. Dad: But Son... I only get a stiffy 3 times a year, I fall over 3 times a fucking day!
Long Story Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥇 (1829) · 21-06-2026 0843A man pulls into a motorway service station in the middle of nowhere. He's ravenously hungry, so he goes into the Little Chef attached to the petrol station. Evidently, the rest of the world is also starved, as the place is packed to the rafters. Luckily, there's one table free. Just as his food arrives, a leper walks in. The leper's clearly not been taking the best care of himself: he's a bit flaky, is missing an ear, and smells a little of drains. The restaurant hasn't thinned out any, so the waitress approaches our hero and asks if he'd mind awfully if the leper joined him at the table. He doesn't want to be rude, and gestures that it's fine. But he's a little uncomfortable, and hunches over his meal. A few moments later, however, curiosity gets the better of him and he looks up. "Jesus fucking Christ!" The leper is a little taken aback, "Sir, I know the way I look, and if I'm offending you, I'll just leave." "No, no, I'm sorry, it's not you. Sorry." And so he hunches further over his meal. But his appetite has taken a knock, and he knows it's only a matter of time before he has to look again. And so he just glances up. "For the love of all that's holy!" "OK, seriously, I'll leave. Really, it's fine. I know what I am." "No, no don't. It's not you, honestly. Stay. I apologise." But now his appetite is crushed, and he's merely pushing beans around a plate in a futile effort not to appear too rude. And he has to look, dear Lord, he has to look. "The baby Jesus sucking cock!" "Right, that's it." The leper gets up to leave. "No, no, it's not you. Really. It's the guy behind you dipping his tortilla chips in the back of your head!"
Long Story Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥇 (1829) · 20-06-2026 0924On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her - how could she possibly continue to feed her family now? In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself. When the husband awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head. Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow!), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself. When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank. She said, "I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you." The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river. Next the second-oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river. The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right." And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river. The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in. And there he also met the mermaid. "I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row." The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?" The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?" And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not THIRTY times in a row?" Finally, she said, "Enough! Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health." Then the young son asked, "Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"
Long Story Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥇 (1829) · 30-05-2026 2154A married couple was invited to a Halloween party. That night, as they were getting ready to go out, the wife said she had developed a migraine headache and had to stay home. She told her husband to go to the party without her. "Don't let me spoil a good time for you," she said. After further discussion, the husband put his mask and costume on and went to the party. The wife took some aspirin and went to bed. After sleeping for a while, she woke feeling much better and decided to go to the party and surprise her husband. As she was getting ready, she thought to herself, "I wonder what my husband really does when I'm not around." She then got into a different mask and costume, so her husband wouldn't recognize her, and went to the party. Getting there, she stood off to the side and watched. There was her husband dancing with one girl after another and getting very physical with them. She decided to see just how far he would go. She went up to him and started dancing with him, got very close and whispered that they should go outside. Going to one of the cars, they made love. Prior to the midnight unmasking, she left and went home to wait for her husband to return so she could confront him. He arrived home about 1:00 a.m. and climbed into bed. She sat up and asked "Well, how was the party?" He replied, "It was no fun without you honey." She said, "I don't believe you. I bet you had lots of fun!" He replied, "Really, Honey. When I got to the party, some of the guys and I got bored and we went downstairs and played poker all night. I loaned my costume to your dad. He said he had one hell of a great time."
Long Story Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥇 (1829) · 29-04-2026 2206A guy walked into a bathroom and started pissing. He looked over and saw a really little man taking a piss. The guy looked over at him and said, Hello. The little man said, Hi, I'm a leprechaun! The guy was amazed. The leprechaun said I like you. I am going to grant you 3 wishes. The guy was skeptical but he decided to go along with it. The guy said, Okay, I want a big house. The leprechaun said, When you return home, you will have a huge mansion! The guy said, And then I want a beautiful woman for my own. The leprechaun said, I will give you a woman so wonderful you will never look at anyone else. The guy didn't know what to wish for 3rd. He looked over and saw the size of this leprechaun's dick. It was huge. He said Okay, my third wish is to have a big dick as big as yours. The leprechaun said, "I'll give it to you if you let me screw you up the butt. The guy didn't want to, but he really wanted a big dick. So the two were tearing it up! All the sudden the guy yelled out, I can't believe I'm letting a leprechaun screw me up the butt! Then the leprechaun said, I can't believe you think I am a leprechaun.
Long Story Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥇 (1829) · 24-04-2026 1432It is just another working day at the brothel. The punters are coming, the cash is coming, and the girls are faking it. Suddenly the door opens, and a figure steps through the threshold, silhouetted against the backdrop of the red lights. It is a boy, a young boy, about nine. In his hand is a length of string, reaching all the way to the floor, where it is fastened around the neck of what looks like a dead frog. The figure picks the frog up, strides up to the counter, and places the amphibian onto it, exclaiming, “I want a bitch with herpes.” Behind the counter, the sexmonger is flabbergasted. “I’m sorry, what did you say?” “I said ‘I want a bitch with herpes’” says the child. “Well I’m afraid we don’t have any ladies that fit that description” replies the Madam. “I want a bitch with herpes, and I am going to have a bitch with herpes” says the boy, putting £1000 on the counter, next to the frog. The Madam thinks about this for a while and decides that the reputation of her house of ill-repute is definitely worth £1000. She sends for one of her many shingle infected sluts. The boy follows the genitally deformed working girl to her room, trailing his frog behind him. After an hour of quite bizarre shenanigans the kid returns to the counter, frog in tow, to thank the Madam. She takes this opportunity to ask the question that had been puzzling her for the entire previous hour, “Why did you want a whore with herpes?” “Well,” explains the boy “My parents are going out tonight. In the evening I’m going to fuck my babysitter. When my dad drives her back home, he’s going to fuck her. Then he’s going home to fuck Mum. In the morning she’s going to fuck the milkman. He’s going to fuck his wife, she’s going to fuck her boss, he’s going to fuck his wife - my English teacher, she’s going to fuck my headmaster and HE’S THE CUNT WHO KILLED MY FROG!”
Long Story supergalley (603) · 02-12-2025 0031An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Dublin one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dawson Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'. 'Fucking get in there you cunt!' he says to himself and goes to the bar. 'Get the fucking manager of this pigs shit middle class wank hole please you c*nt', he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help you sir?' he says. 'Yes you can you fat piece of shit, I saw your poxy advert in the cunting window and I'm here to audition.....wanker.' The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, 'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?' 'That song, you big nosed twat, was called "Excuse me prime minister but I just jizzed in your daughter's eye, and now the cunt's blind...' 'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another. Something a little less "lively".' 'Wanker..' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops asks him the title. 'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the shit-box you get crap on your bell end.' 'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?' 'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your ringpiece", or there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got nice jugs". 'Look' says the manager interrupting, 'I think you're a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.' 'Fuck it' says the pianist 'Why not'. On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage. During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act. After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him. 'Hi' she says. 'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives. She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your cock is hanging out of your trousers and spunk is dribbling onto your shoes?' 'Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently, 'I fucking wrote it !!!'
Long Story supergalley (603) · 01-12-2025 1758