A man phones his wife late at night. ' Where the fuck are you? ' the wife screams. ' I'm in hospital and I'm lucky to be alive.When I left work I collapsed in the car park.Fortunately,Tina was there and she carried out CPR until the ambulance came.The doctor told me I had a massive heart attack.' says the man ' Who's Tina, ' asks the wife.
General Squeaky 🥇 🥈 (349) · 11-02-2026 1040I went to the dentist today and he said I should have a crown. I thought, At last! Someone who really understands me.
General Squeaky 🥇 🥈 (349) · 20-02-2026 1054My phone rang unexpectedly. ' Hello, this is Mr Richardson here, your son's music teacher. ' ' Hi,how can I help you? ' I asked. ' I think we have another Elvis on our hands, ' Mr Richardson said. ' Really! I didn't realise he was so talented, ' I replied. ' He isn't.We found him dead in the toilet when he went for a shit, ' Mr Richardson said.
General Squeaky 🥇 🥈 (349) · 19-02-2026 1111I always feel so proud when I tell people that some of my father's work is currently on display at the Tate Gallery in London. He painted all the skirting boards there.
General Squeaky 🥇 🥈 (349) · 26-02-2026 1052The Flintstones cartoon has been syndicated to parts of the middle East. Apparently the people of Dubai don't like it. But the people of Abu Dhabi do!
General DdraigGoch 🥈 (192) · 17-02-2026 2039There's a big orange rabbit walking round our village telling everyone that I'm not taking my medication.
General Squeaky 🥇 🥈 (349) · 05-03-2026 1001Bought some fish for our garden pond last week but we hardly ever see them. Apparently they are Coy Carp.
General Squeaky 🥇 🥈 (349) · 28-02-2026 1057I went for a walk through the park and I kept on hearing, ' Mark ', ' Mark,Mark '. Five minutes later I found a dog with a hare lip tied to a lamppost.
General Squeaky 🥇 🥈 (349) · 07-02-2026 1122When the waiter brought my meal to the table I said, ' Why have you got your thumb on the steak? ' ' I don't want to drop it again,sir ' he replied.
General Squeaky 🥇 🥈 (349) · 03-03-2026 1002Decided to do something completely different and went to the opera. What a fantastic night I had,but they don't like you joining in though.
General Squeaky 🥇 🥈 (349) · 16-02-2026 1038My wife and I had a candlelit dinner last evening. It was barely lukewarm.
General Squeaky 🥇 🥈 (349) · 15-02-2026 1103I went on an African Safari and got lost. Somehow,I stumbled across a tribe that rarely makes contact with society. ' What do you do with yourselves all day? ' I asked the chief. ' We hunt and fuck, ' he replied. ' What do you hunt, ' I enquired. ' Anything we can fuck, ' he said.
General Squeaky 🥇 🥈 (349) · 06-03-2026 1020Three things that never lie; 1. Young children 2. Drunks 3. Leggings
General Squeaky 🥇 🥈 (349) · 17-02-2026 1036