One of the barmaids in our pub got her nipple pierced. I'm shit at darts.
General Squeaky (1928) · 18-09-2026 0821I went to lunch with a champion chess player. It took him 8 minutes to pass me the salt...
General Stickyagain (2066) · 14-09-2026 1350Which word ends in anal? Chloroform.
Took the wife to Specsavers yesterday. Even they couldn't see why I married her.
General Squeaky (1928) · 05-09-2026 0822The estate agent was showing me round the only flat I could afford. He said "there's the fridge and washing machine, shall we go indoors now."
Two-inch dick: "It's tiny!" she laughed. Two-inch spider: "It's enormous!" she screamed. So I've had a spider tattooed on my dick.
General › Everyday Life Everyday Life Dristarg (167) · 12-09-2026 1006I watched with pride as semen dribbled down my wife's chin. ' Did you enjoy that,love, ' I said. ' .....what did you say was on that sandwich? ' she mumbled.
General Squeaky (1928) · 02-09-2026 0818Mathematics. The only subject that counts.
General › Observational Observational Squeaky (1928) · 23-08-2026 0733New technology moves too fast for me these days. Just tried to wipe the dust off my phone's screen, and now I have a 12-month subscription to Netflix.
General › Internet Culture Internet Culture theverydevilhimself 🥈 🥇 (3362) · 23-08-2026 0511I only hate two things. Living things and objects.
Our kids have started treating the house like a hotel. They're putting bibles in the bedside tables.
General › Observational Observational Squeaky (1928) · 21-09-2026 0802I saw a cannibal who only had one arm and one leg. Apparently he had been on holiday but it was self catering.
General Squeaky (1928) · 15-09-2026 0750In the UK we've got terrorist attacks, genital mutilation, honour killings, child marriage. First world problems.
General › Everyday Life Everyday Life ianwatkins 🥈 🥉 (2117) · 24-08-2026 1945How many simulation theorists does it take to change a lightbulb? There is no lightbulb
General LennysCrevasse (1333) · 12-09-2026 0825Took the wife shopping for new curtains. The assistant asked which colour she was after. I was absolutely stunned when she pulled my trousers and underpants down. She pointed to my cock and asked if they had any in that shade of pink/purple.
General Squeaky (1928) · 19-09-2026 0909