Ten years ago I went through a procedure where I had my spine and both testicles removed. I got some great wedding presents though.
General Squeaky (1212) · 07-07-2026 0918My son came home from school proudly waving his report card. ' I got a B for my reading test Dad, ' he said. I looked at the report and told him, ' That's not a B it's an F. '
General Squeaky (1212) · 30-06-2026 1023Growing up with a dyslexic father had its advantages. Whenever he caught me swearing, he used to wash my mouth out with soup.
General notbaldbob 🥈 🥉 (264) · 04-07-2026 1314What do you call an attractive woman with a ginger haired man? A hostage.
General Squeaky (1212) · 25-06-2026 0910They say that size doesn't matter. I've spent half an hour trying to get these shoes on.
General Squeaky (1212) · 13-07-2026 0944An old man lived alone in Norfolk and he wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who used to help him, was in prison for murder, so old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament. Dear son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting far too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad A few days later, he received a letter from his son. Dear Dad: For fuck's.sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried all the bodies! At 4 a.m. the next morning the police turned up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologised to the old man and left. That same day, the old man received another letter from his son... Dear Dad: You can go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
General Stoops (37) · 02-07-2026 2021"mummy mummy granddad's lost his colostomy bag". "Shut up and finish your boil in the bag curry".
General Joeydeaconsbastard (723) · 25-06-2026 2130I received a very disturbing email today. It said, ' leave my girlfriend alone or I will kill you.' It was from my son.
General Squeaky (1212) · 26-06-2026 0913Whilst on holiday in South Africa my daughter became very upset when she saw a crocodile on the riverbank with a nigger's head hanging out of it's mouth. I quickly told her that everything was ok,it was just a black man in a Lacoste sleeping bag.
General Squeaky (1212) · 19-06-2026 0958And I would walk five hundred miles, And I would walk five hundred more, Just to be that man who went to have, A piss in fucking Wetherspoons.
General theverydevilhimself 🥈 (1600) · 15-06-2026 0558My dyslexic friend tried to text me a joke but got it wrong. Then he sent me a text apologising because he had urined it.
General Squeaky (1212) · 12-07-2026 1002I was watching television in our lounge when I heard someone wailing and crying outside. When I looked out the window saw it was our young son. ' Come inside and tell me what's wrong, ' I said. ' But I'm not allowed in the lounge with my trainers, ' he replied. ' Don't worry about that, mate, ' I said, ' they're new. ' When he came into the lounge I said, ' Now tell me what's upsetting you. ' ' I stood in a big pile of dog shit, ' he cried.
General Squeaky (1212) · 24-06-2026 0920Back when I was a kid, there was no internet. So people would sometimes have to walk for miles just to call me a cunt.
General notbaldbob 🥈 🥉 (264) · 14-07-2026 1455I remember when I was a kid, I'd run out of the house when I heard Mr. Whippy come around. That was the nickname of my sado-masochistic Uncle.
General notbaldbob 🥈 🥉 (264) · 14-07-2026 1830My dad won't like this yeast based spread on his toast, but MA might.
General Stickyagain (827) · 28-06-2026 2118