A woman on a dating site sent me a message saying, "Wow, your absolutely gorgeous. How come your still single?" It's spelled "you're", I replied.
General Stallion 🥈 🥉 🥉 (272) · 08-12-2025 1846This vegan shit has now got out of hand. They're selling plant based alternatives to vapes. They are calling them cigarettes.
General Stallion 🥈 🥉 🥉 (272) · 08-01-2026 1504"Oh dear, he's missed the blue after avoiding brown and dropped the green. " I said. "I didn't know snooker was still on, I thought it had finished, " replied my wife. "It has, " I answered, "I'm watching the council bin man. "
General Kimjongreject (155) · 05-12-2025 1400An Amazon driver asked me the time...I said it's between 9am and 8pm
General Jimfixeditforme (21) · 03-12-2025 1044Handy Tip. To avoid any confusion with the keys to your house,get a pink one for the front door and a brown one for the back door.
General Squeaky (70) · 05-01-2026 1105How many animals can you fit in a pair of tights? Two calf's, ten piggies, one ass, a beaver and a fish you can never find!
General NotEasilyOffended (43) · 01-01-2026 1050Waiter: "What would sir like to drink?" Guy: "Oh what non alcoholic beers are there?" Waiter: "Would you like crayons and a colouring book with that?"
General NotEasilyOffended (43) · 05-12-2025 1036A man came into my antique shop earlier today and made an offer for a vase. We haggled for a bit, then he said, "What's the lowest you're prepared to go?" So I showed him photos of me wearing a gimp mask with the wife sh***ing in my mouth.'
General madgringo (35) · 04-12-2025 1934Our managers brought in a motivational speaker to encourage us to do better. He said, ' It's very important to say what you feel.' I said, ' Fuck you! '
General Squeaky (70) · 01-01-2026 0949I attended my first Flatulence Anonymous group meeting last week. The Co-ordinator told us that the windows and door must be kept open whilst the meeting is being held.
General Squeaky (70) · 30-12-2025 1952Remember - 72.6% of all statistics are made up on spot. The other 33.8% contain some type of basic mathematical error. 51% of the time, it works every time!
General DdraigGoch (71) · 09-12-2025 0818Nine out of ten voices in my head say I'm not crazy. The other one is humming the Tetris theme.
General madgringo (35) · 06-12-2025 0912Just discovered that I am a victim of identity theft. Be warned,there are now two irritating cunts out there!
General Squeaky (70) · 09-01-2026 1501An alien from the planet Zarg walks into a small country pub. "I'll have a pint please," he says with a smile. The barman says, "We don't serve aliens in here." "If you serve me," replies the alien, "I'll buy everyone in here a pint." "Sorry mate, can't do it. It's against the brewery's policy," replies the barman. "What about if you invite the whole town for drinks, make it a free bar, and I foot the bill at the end of the night?" The pound signs light up in the barmans eyes: "Ok, you're on." By the end of the night, everyone, including the alien, is pissed. The barman says, "That'll be seven grand please mate!" The alien pulls his wallet out and says, "Have you got change for a Zonk?"
General madgringo (35) · 06-12-2025 1005After catching a cold I went to see my doctor. He said I should spend most of the day in bed, drink a lot and not do any exercise. I've followed his advice but I'm still feeling a bit poorly so I think I should go see him again. After all, its been 10 years.
General madgringo (35) · 07-12-2025 1636While many complain about life in general and the cost of living, etc. I'm having a great time of it at the moment. I'm sitting on a sofa that costs £3,500, lovely and cool in front of an air-con unit costing £2,300, watching the latest film on a 70" smart TV that costs £4,000. Right now, I'm so happy, with no worries, and am in such a great place that even the staff at Harrods, who keep asking me to leave, can't spoil my day.
General madgringo (35) · 07-12-2025 1628