In 1066 William the 1st assembled 2000 Normans in France ready to invade England. What followed, was the most confusing roll call in history.

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I just love the smell of chlorof.....

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I’m not saying I hate my neighbors, but if their house caught fire and I had the only hose, I’d probably use it to wash my bike.

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My wife and I are very competitive. But I'm more competitive than her.

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You can always tell if a baby is Italian. The nipple on their dummy has hair round it.

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Quasimodo was sat watching television when his wife walked past carrying a wok. ' Are we having stir fry for tea? ' asked Quasimodo. ' No, I'm going to iron some of your shirts, ' his wife replied.

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Whilst on holiday in South Africa my daughter became very upset when she saw a crocodile on the riverbank with a nigger's head hanging out of it's mouth. I quickly told her that everything was ok,it was just a black man in a Lacoste sleeping bag.

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Statistically 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette.

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And I would walk five hundred miles, And I would walk five hundred more, Just to be that man who went to have, A piss in fucking Wetherspoons.

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Landlord of the pub and advertised barmaid wanted. Three women arrived and had one question for them. "You're working behind the bar and you noticed a £20 note unattended what would you do"? The first one said "I'll ask around if anyone is missing a £20 note and if no one claims it I'll put it in the charity box". The second one says I'll ask around and if no one claims it I'll put it in the tips glass". The third one says"I'll look around to see if no one is watching me and if not it's going straight into my purse ". Who do you think he gave the job to. The one with the biggest tits.

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What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs? Cuntswello

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My brother's nickname is Spiderman. He spends all day on the net, ejecting some sticky stuff.

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Statistically 3 out of 2 people are schizophrenic.

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Statistically 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy.

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The problem with Box cutters is that you need another Box cutter to open their packaging.

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YouTube is featuring Recommended Lives. Do that many of their users need to get a life?

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Hello, you don't know me but I was wondering if you could clarify something? I see you get an upvote just for posting a joke. Is this a mistake? Please confirm if the etiquette is to vote it down upon submission, or is it simply a nice touch. Thanks! Re: Dear Prime Minister. I don't think this email was meant for us. By the way, Carlos & Eduardo have been deported so please contact the office for replacements if you still require them this weekend. Regards, Westminster Rent Boy Agency

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