I met a man who used to play the triangle in a Jamaican Reggae Band but he got fed up and left. He said it was just one ting after another.
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 01-04-2026 0919Women and dog shit. The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 06-04-2026 1011Never had a seaside holiday in the UK before,so we booked a week at Skegness. Our neighbour said we should go on a donkey ride there. What a fucking nightmare, it took us three days.
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 22-03-2026 1027I went for a job interview yesterday. The manager handed me a pen and a piece of paper and asked me to describe myself in three words. I wrote, Lazy.
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 20-03-2026 1027My grandad died when I was quite young.I'll never forget his last words. ' Will you stop fucking about with that ladder. '
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 18-04-2026 0926Modern looters are soft! Back in the 70's you had to be fucking hard to run with a colour TV.
General Stallion 🥉 🥇 (775) · 16-04-2026 1229I attended my first Liars Anonymous meeting last night. They asked me to talk for a few minutes about myself.However,the other members found me so interesting I talked for over an hour. I've just received a phone call this morning,they want me to be their President.
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 12-04-2026 0919Chuck Norris liked his meat so rare he only ate unicorns.
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 17-04-2026 0918"Don't believe everything you read on the Internet." Abraham Lincoln 1862
General Stallion 🥉 🥇 (775) · 16-04-2026 1930My wife is going to leave me because she says I am obsessed with Africa. Kenya believe it? Well,she can Congo fuck herself. The kids are Ghana be upset when we get divorced.
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 11-04-2026 0927My brother was born by cesarean section. He said it didn't affect him in any way but he always leaves the house through the living room window instead of the front door.
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 04-04-2026 0931Sometimes I go into town and do some busking. I love to entertain the passers by with my singing. I was in the middle of an emotional Irish ballad when I noticed a woman standing with tears in her eyes. When I finished the song I asked her if she was Irish. She said she wasn't,she was a music teacher.
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 28-03-2026 1039' My half brother is coming to visit us from Australia next month. ' ' I thought he was your brother? ' ' Well,he is but he got badly attacked by a shark out there. '
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 02-04-2026 0925When I told my wife that all the electrical appliances in the house talk to me she just laughed and walked away shaking her head. ' Told you she wouldn't believe it, ' said the kettle.
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 31-03-2026 0911Our family was so poor that I would buy 5lbs of mince and we would sew it together to make a beef joint for Sunday Lunch.
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 30-03-2026 0929' Cod Haddock Fish Cake Steak and Kidney Pie Chicken and Mushroom Pie Battered Sausage Chips Mushy Peas Curry Sauce Pickled Egg Pickled Onion Coke Fanta ' ' That'll be £42.50 Sir. ' ' Sorry,I was just reading the menu.'
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 29-03-2026 0924I called my boss this morning and told him I'm not coming into work because my legs didn't work. "What kind of excuse is that?" he asked. "A lame excuse", I replied.
General shotgunpsycho (113) · 28-03-2026 2331I left a trail of rose petals from the front door, up the stairs, and to the bedroom. I sprinkled some more over the bed. I shut off the lights and lit a few scented candles. I sat in the corner wearing nothing but her beautiful silk robe with a bottle of champagne on ice on the end table. I heard the door open and her walking up the stairs. I wanted this to be the most romantic evening ever. I was quite nervous...Now, all I needed was the best way to introduce myself.
General shotgunpsycho (113) · 28-03-2026 2324If I were a ghost, I would haunt people by knocking on their door as soon as they started to masturbate.
General shotgunpsycho (113) · 25-03-2026 2047The woman across from me in the train was absolutely stunning and I gave her my best friendly smile. ' God,I'd love to take you back to my place, ' she said. Unable to believe my luck I agreed straight away. On the car journey there I thought of the fantastic evening that lay ahead of us. Turns out she was a dentist.
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 25-03-2026 1027I read a very interesting book about joining metals and plastics by inserting a metal pin through pre-drilled holes and deforming the tail to form a secure second head. It was riveting!
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 21-03-2026 1041My interview was going well. The manager said, ' We've spoken about your strong points,do you have any weaknesses? ' ' Yes. I am very honest, ' I replied. ' I don't think honesty is a weakness, ' said the manager. ' I don't give a fuck what you think, ' I shouted.
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 16-04-2026 1026Went to Spain on holiday and decided to go for a drink. I got really annoyed with people touching my buttocks. Apparently it was a tapas bar.
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 14-04-2026 0949I know that Stevie Wonder is blind but I heard that his dick can lip read.
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 07-04-2026 0932Went into town today to hire a private detective,he is very highly recommended. When I got to his office there was a sign that said, Closed. Leave your fingerprints on the door and I'll get back to you.
General Squeaky 🥉 🥉 (537) · 03-04-2026 0930Please don't wear flip flops if your feet look like you could swoop out of the sky and snatch your dinner from a lake.
General shotgunpsycho (113) · 15-04-2026 2202