The Jodrell Bank Observatory, which can see billions of light years into space, has lost its funding and could now close. Strange how they didn't see that coming...

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I said to the girl at the checkout, "Has anyone told you that you're gorgeous?" "No, they haven't," she smiled. "If they do," I said, "can you send them next door to my Specsavers shop."

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Superman goes to Specsavers and tries on a pair of glasses. The optician said "Well fuck me you're Clark Kent.

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To the Person who stole my glasses. I will find you. I have contacts...

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I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story. I think something bad is about to happen... I can feel it.

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I was walking down the street the other day and I saw .these two blind blokes squaring up to fight. I shouted "My money's on the one with the knife." You should have seen how fast they both ran off.

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What goes click click "click click click, have i done it.click click click have I done it". Stevie wonder doing the Rubik cube.

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I got a hand job from a blind woman once. She told me, "This is the biggest dick I've ever come across." I said, "You're pulling my leg."

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Helen Keller walks into a bar, then a table, then a chair.

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Helen Keller had a very large belly button. Her boyfriend was blind as well.

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I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read.

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