Been watching Portugal playing Congo, and I'm sorely disappointed. Didn't see a single one of them drinking UmBongo.

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I'm so glad the world cup is on. I can hang my England flag without being accused of being a fucking racist.

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Looking forward to the world cup. Ethiopia against Hungary should be a good game.

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Have just won a ticket for the world cup final but I'm getting married on that day so does anyone what to take my place. The venue is st Bede's church, Widnes and the bride is Lucy

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Serena Williams stuns fans with dramatic return to Wimbledon singles at 44 years old. Assuming men's singles.

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Scotland beats Haiti 1 - 0 in the World Cup. It was like a snake eating a rat, I didn't know who to go for.

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What do the English do immediately after winning the FIFA World Cup? Turn off the Playstation.

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"It was very poignant last night. We played against a country with awful humanitarian conditions; barely any access to fresh drinking water. The population could succumb to disease or violence at any moment. Families live in slums. Law & order is non-existent. We are moved" That was a statement from the Haiti squad after playing Scotland yesterday

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England's boots and the team's training equipment were stolen in transit from Florida to Kansas. What a break. A gifted excuse.

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Pest Ham.

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There's 26 players in the world cup squads. Argentina Algeria and Austria all face Jordan. My money is on old Katie. 78 men are nowhere near enough.

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What do you call a dead man utd fan? A good start What do you call two dead man utd fans? Holly and jessica.

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John McGuinness kissed his helmet prior to setting out on his 30th anniversary TT superbike race. Fair play to the man - still good at tight bends at 54.

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John Terry says ELEVEN members of England's World Cup squad are not good enough to win. Adding, if they do win, I want to be in the photograph.

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I hope Nigeria have to play Germany during the world cup. The score thing in the corner will be interesting

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"Hello is that the Swiss embassy? Please can you put me through to the Funny As Fuck department?"

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Great opening game in the World Cup, South Africa 2 Mexico 1. But the Mexicans win on goals scored.

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I'm not saying football is becoming Americanised. But before taking corners now, they shout 15-26-52-73!!!!!!!

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Scottish bakery company announces free sausage rolls for every Scotland victory in World Cup. Great way to score some free publicity there.

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