My 4 year old daughter came into my bedroom and said, "Daddy, I'm scared. Can I sleep in your bed?" "No," I replied, "I'm not having that fucking monster follow you into my room."
Dad Jokes Stallion 🥈 🥉 🥉 (272) · 17-12-2025 1256I got a job as a bellhop in a swanky hotel. On my first day the manager said 'Please show this couple up.' I said 'Well his tailor is awful, and judging by the age difference she's only with him for his money.'
Dad Jokes ianwatkins 🥇 🥇 (451) · 04-01-2026 1235Teacher asks her class, "If I said, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" One kid replies, "It is obviously past."
Dad Jokes Allobosca (29) · 19-12-2025 1527My wife came running in from the garden screaming, "A SNAKE, A SNAKE. " So I quickly went out to have a look, "Whats seventeen plus thirty two? " I shouted at it. "Forty nine, " the snake hissed back. "It's ok, " I shouted to my wife, it's not poisonous, it's only an adder. "
Dad Jokes Kimjongreject (155) · 15-12-2025 0957LET'S OFFEND EVERYONE! I came out of the chip shop with a meat & potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sitting there said “I've not eaten for two days.” I told him, “I wish I had your willpower! I took my biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks and Romanian Gypsies" were not the correct answers. A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time today. She said, “Sorry about the wait.” I said, “Don't worry dear. You might lose it if you stop working in a fast food place." In the forecast! The TV weather girl said, she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, "Fat chance with a face like that!" An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks him, “What's wrong?” The boy says, “My ma is dead”. “Oh bejaysus, " the man says. “Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?” The boy replies, “No thanks, mister. Sex is the last thing on my mind at the moment.” Years ago, it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now muslims, I've found that a bacon sandwich works better! Japanese scientists have developed a camera with a breakneck shutter speed, making it possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut. I had a Trivia Competition in the bag until the very last question....which I got wrong. The question was, "Where do women have the curliest hair?" Apparently, the correct answer was Fiji. A woman has a medical at the doctor's. “You are grossly overweight,” he says. “I want a 2nd opinion,” she exclaims. “OK. You're bloody ugly as well.” That should more or less cover everyone !!
Dad Jokes supergalley 🥇 🥈 🥈 (382) · 04-01-2026 1509ITEMS FOR SALE: Garden Gate. No catch. Homeless Man. Still in box. Cheetah. Good runner. Rottweiler. Reluctant to let go. Geese. Pop round for a gander. etc...
Dad Jokes ianwatkins 🥇 🥇 (451) · 31-12-2025 0026What do you call a woman who shits herself wearing a thong? A log splitter.
Dad Jokes NotEasilyOffended (43) · 01-01-2026 1103I came home from work to find my daughter crying her eyes out. That bastard of a boyfriend had finished with her again. I totally lost it and went looking for him, the twat ran like hell when he saw me. It took three teachers and two dinner ladies to get me off him.
Dad Jokes garry6291 🥉 (79) · 10-12-2025 2004