I've had a few bad ones. The girl with the unwashed minge was fucking terrible. I didn't realise until I went down on her and I shit you not it was like licking a 9 volt battery. I don't even know how that is possible unless it was very acidic or something. However that was easily solved by getting her to take a shower with me whenever she came over so that one had a fairly happy ending. And she was Asian so there were also 2 happy endings. However the worst one was this woman from the same company. Different department, different building so it was not exactly shagging the payroll. We went on a few dates first as I was not sure about her. She wasn't that pretty and she was kinda bossy but she had fucking huge tits and worked in finance so she was rich and I decided to go for it. We slept in the same bed but didn't fuck, kept our pants on. The next morning I went to the bathroom and as I walked back in the bedroom she was lying on the bed naked except for a thong, facing away from me. I was pretty hungover so I wondered why there was a cartoon cloud hovering around her butt. From across the room it looked exactly like those storm clouds that would hang over Wile E. Coyote's head when he fucked up trying to kill Roadrunner. My first thought was that she had farted and for some reason I could actually see the fart. I took a couple of steps towards her and blinked to figure out what was going on and then I realised it was hair. She had a giant ass bush, I am not exaggerating she had 5-inch long hairs growing out of her asshole. I stared at it for way too long and she looked at me and asked if I was ok. I was like uh... yeah... she said come get on the bed and I was so glad I had my boxer shorts on cos she wanted to spoon so luckily none of that giant fucking mound of ass hair was touching me or my dick. I was lying there like who the fuck wears a thong but has no idea what their ass actually looks like in it? Is she oblivious to photos of celebrities in thongs on the beach? Has she never been for a waxing? Has she never been on holiday with friends and worn a bikini? So many fucking questions were runnning through my mind but the worst one was how the fuck do I tell her to shave her damn ass? I made my excuses and left. It was Sunday and I need to get ready for work on Monday etc. I must have spent the next 3 days thinking how I could possibly get around this situation. This was not a little bit of hair I could maybe one day ask her to remove, this had been there since she first hit puberty. I even went on another date with her but kept it platonic. I managed to sneak a look up her skirt though and even though she was wearing full cut knickers this time I could still see the hair poking out. I threw in the towel. She wasn't fit enough, her tits weren't big enough, she wasn't rich enough for me to make any more effort. Maybe I could have just mentioned it and maybe she would have sorted it out right away but I tell you what, when she and I started dating my balls were shaved on that first date. And to top it off I had jokingly mentioned anal sex on one of our dates and she just looked horrified. So even if I had got the hair removed I still would have had to climb a mountain to get to 5th base. So that was that. Any woman who has so little respect for me that she won't get 2 haircuts can go fuck herself.

My worst experience was when halfway through sex, she very rudely woke up! My fault really, cheaping out on roofies 🙈 Always get the name brand. Still, happy ending. She looks absolutely perfect under the patio near all my ex's 😘

There is a lot more I can add to the story but that's all the important information. It was almost 20 years ago and it still fucking haunts me to this day. I think my next story will be "...and that's how I know I'm not an alcoholic" about when I shared a house with an alcoholic. I thought I drank too much but this guy was off the charts.

Brilliant