Writing jokes is an artform. People rarely think who the fuck come up with that as they tell one they have heard. Have you ever had a joke sent to you on your phone, or seen a joke elsewhere on the internet that you wrote? I've had 2 of my jokes sent to me on my phone and seen 2 of my jokes used in memes. Made my day. And how do you use the jokes you see on here or Sickipedia? I do close-up magic at the weekends and my patter changes loads to include the brilliant stuff I see that you lot write.

Testing Testing 1 2 3. I wasn't really criticizing. You've done amazing with this place. But your are definitely a super nerd, so I thought I'd mention it. Then thought to myself, bet he does it by Monday.

Gungho_ED - I'll have a bash at a quote/reply feature. I wrote the site with the intention of it being ultra-lightweight and fast; to live along with all the other stuff on my home server but now it runs on a private server in the USA (Better First Amendment rights 😊). I can always add some new features if users want them. I was mainly worried about it turning into a buggy, unstable 'Gem-Porno' 💎🤮 Hopefully do that tomorrow. I'll probably add a 'Copy' button to each joke as well for those who can't get enough of Facebook bans and Wokey-Meltdowns 😂

I do want to try it. I've done many corporate presentations over the years so I have no problem getting up in front of a big audience and I could easily pull 5 minutes of material together. I just don't see how I could get to the level of Stanhope who is my comedy idol. He's been going for about 40 years and still ain't exactly rich.

Not really mate. Honestly, I've run comedy nights since 2011 so seen it all. First ever act I had on was Gary Delaney and he did my opening spot for £100. Spikey Mike as a middle act for £50 (terrible and hasn't improved) and Silky to headline for £270. It's a lot more these days. When people turn up for a comedy night, they are usually quite patient and give all the acts a chance to shine and get to their point/gag. Best place to start if your not confident is a gong show. You practice the same jokes in the order they are to be told, and just rehearse and rehearse the routine. When I have a go, I always have one word from each joke written on a long black cardboard list that I stick on the mike stand as I walk on. You can't loose your thread. Then you have got 3 minutes and it's your time to shine. Every knows the script and it's a have-a-go hero thing. Then you need 2 more minutes if you impressed enough for the encore. Then they vote for the winner. It's better to regret the things you did do, than the things you didn't do.

I'd love to give standup a go but I only ever come up with decent jokes when I am shitfaced and the brakes are off. I doubt I could come up with anything topical and most audiences these days have at least one woke wanker that will just heckle you on every point. I do have some long funny stories about my family and dating and shit but I think the audience would just get bored. To tell those long stories you need to have a successful following already who are going to sit quietly long enough for the payoff.

Indeed. Met up with a bunch of fellow Sickipedians in London in 2012, at The Hob in Forest Hill we put on a group stand-up debut show. Used to meet up around the country for comedy nights/ piss-ups. I've been doing the Edinburgh/ Glasgow comedy festivals ever since :D

I once saw a standup tell the ginger paedo joke and later found out he was a sickipedia regular.

There is no quote thing on the forum so I'll improvise. Quote "I told that one in a gig I posted on YouTube, and people were accusing me of stealing a Jimmy Carr joke..." Do you do stand up then mate?

Turns out the parents of that handicapped kid on my street strongly disagree.

Imitation is the ultimate flattery.

I've seen a few of mine end up as memes or even told on TV shows but it's impossible to prove they were mine first.

Sharing Jokes; the only form of socialism that actually works in practise 😄

Quite a few of mine have been turned into memes by others and done the rounds online :D Also, years ago Jimmy Carr either pinched one of mine, or came up with basically the same joke on one of his DVDs. I told that one in a gig I posted on YouTube, and people were accusing me of stealing a Jimmy Carr joke...

Also the Walled-Off Salad joke was originally mine but having googled it Banksy opened the Walled-Off Hotel in 2017 so sadly he gets the credit for doing it first.

Boris Johnson stole my joke about Tories being environmentally friendly because they closed all the coal mines in the 80s, although it's possible he came up with it independently but I did write it first.

I had a creative talent for them when I was young but years of hardcore drinking and working nights has almost snuffed it out. I'm more of a harvester these days but sometimes I think of a good inappropriate one and post it. That used to get me a 30 day ban on Facebook but ever since getting a verified account I seem to be immortal and Zuckerberg proof now 😆 Either that or I'm getting more tame in my old age (45) 👨‍🌾