Writing jokes is an artform. People rarely think who the fuck come up with that as they tell one they have heard. Have you ever had a joke sent to you on your phone, or seen a joke elsewhere on the internet that you wrote? I've had 2 of my jokes sent to me on my phone and seen 2 of my jokes used in memes. Made my day. And how do you use the jokes you see on here or Sickipedia? I do close-up magic at the weekends and my patter changes loads to include the brilliant stuff I see that you lot write.

I had a creative talent for them when I was young but years of hardcore drinking and working nights has almost snuffed it out. I'm more of a harvester these days but sometimes I think of a good inappropriate one and post it. That used to get me a 30 day ban on Facebook but ever since getting a verified account I seem to be immortal and Zuckerberg proof now 😆 Either that or I'm getting more tame in my old age (45) 👨‍🌾

Boris Johnson stole my joke about Tories being environmentally friendly because they closed all the coal mines in the 80s, although it's possible he came up with it independently but I did write it first.

Also the Walled-Off Salad joke was originally mine but having googled it Banksy opened the Walled-Off Hotel in 2017 so sadly he gets the credit for doing it first.