NURSERY RHYMES UPDATED FOR THE 21st CENTURY Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall The structure of the wall was incorrect So he won ten grand with Claims Direct. It's raining, it's pouring Of course it’s global warming. Jack and Jill went into town To fetch some chips and sweeties Now he can't keep his heart rate down And she's got diabetes. Georgie Porgie pudding and pie Kissed the girls and made them cry When the boys came out to play He kissed them too coz he was gay. Mary had a little lamb It ran into a pylon 10,000 volts went up it's arse And turned it's wool to nylon.