People who post comments entirely in upper case want executing. Bring back capital punishment.

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I'm apauled by casual racism in this country. That's why I always wear a suit and tie to abuse wogs.

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ECLIPSE DAY!! I would just like to take the opportunity to wish my fellow BFH-ites a spectacular experience. Don't forget; the best way to view a solar eclipse is through a telescope or binoculars. Don't forget to use pupil-dilating eyedrops, it will undoubtedly improve the experience!!!

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'I tell ya, England used to be a green and pleasant land; now it's a brown and unpleasant land.' 'Yeah, these droughts are something else, aren't they?' 'I didn't say anything about the droughts.'

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I would like to thank my dad for coming. If he hadn't,I wouldn't be here.

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It's bad enough that all these refugees from the Middle East brought their religion with them, did they really have to bring their weather too?

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If anyone is interested, I've got some blinding deals on fake eclipse glasses.

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Given a recent increase in rail suicides the government has announced that network staff are to be adequately equipped to deal with suicidal persons on the tracks. A mop and extra-large bucket has been issued to every train station in the UK.

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My wife's just finished a 12-hour shift. I knew she'd find second gear eventually.

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Former MP Ann Widdecombe has been laid to rest at Buckfast Abbey. Which is kind of appropriate, seeing as how she was beaten to death in an unprovoked attack.

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In London this evening, we're expecting peak blackness around 7.30pm After that, curfews will begin to kick in and it should be all clear by 8

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Jeff Bezos looks to buy a stake in Liverpool Good luck with that. He'll do well to find a packet of mince

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My cock's not exactly the biggest in the world. It's probably like 3rd or 4th.

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I woke up after a nap on the couch, turned the telly on and realised I'd missed Eastenders. Result.

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"President swapped flights by hiding in food container" The first time this has happened since it was done by Barack Oburger.

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When it comes to sexual assault performance, Joshua Levi Smith is the best, hands down.

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Cambridge University boss investigates faculty for appointing 'Professor Plagiarism' A copybook response

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If Amazon buy into Liverpool football club…there free kicks should improve…they are pretty good at launching stuff over the wall

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The BBC is always very keen to cover important social issues like Black Lives Matter, LGBTQ struggles and the ongoing legacy of Britain's involvement in colonialism and slavery and to be honest I find their coverage really inspiring. It inspired me to cancel my TV licence.

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Britain was today the setting of a spectacular cosmic drama as the sun's light was obscured by the passage of the moon, leading to breathtaking scenes across the country... ...apparently.

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Donald Trump claims he has 'total control' over the Strait of Hormuz. He's got about as much control over it as he has over his bowel movements.

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Somali kid comes home from school. He proudly exclaimed "Mam my cock is 3 times the size of all the other kids. Is it because I'm black? " "No son its because your 23"

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