There's a woman in our pub who is so ugly that if she gives you a blowjob it counts as anal.

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I slept with my best friend's wife last night and now i feel terrible. She must have given me a cold or something.

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Knowing there would be lots of kissing on New Years Eve, I decided to shave off the moustache, unfortunately she woke up when I sprayed the shaving foam on her face.

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I've been trying to find out from the wife all week how her treatment went for frigidity. She's remaining very tight lipped though.

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I just had a threesome. It was right down and dirty. The two girls ages added together was only 26 years. To be fair, the 20 year old only watched.

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Took my girlfriend to meet my parents last night.. The wife wasn't very happy though.

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Father: Listen son, no matter what you hear or read, wanking will not make you go blind... Son: Dad, I'm over here...

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Just come back from watching Little Women. Very disappointing to be honest.... not one midget in the whole film.

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I may not be a gynaecologist, but I know a cunt when I see one.

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I haven't had sex for so long it feels as though I'm married again.

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