I dumped my girlfriend because she enjoys anal sex. Don't get me wrong I love fucking women up the ass - but only when they hate it.

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I finally got my hands on some Rohypnol, but I'm a bit confused. On the packet it says 'Best Before Date', but then there's no numbers or anything.

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I was chasing a girl through the forest with a massive hard-on. I was so horny, it never occurred to me to ask why she had one.

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2 Nuns getting raped in the park The first nun says "Forgive them father for they not know what they are doing". The Second nun replies " Jesus Christ this fucker does"

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Kylie Minogue, Elton John and Robbie Williams are walking along the street. Kylie trips, jamming her head in some railings. Robbie, quick as a flash, pulls down her knickers and fucks her ball-deep senseless. He turns to Elton and says, "your turn!" but Elton starts to cry. "What's wrong, Elton?" asks Robbie. Elton sobs, "My head won't fit through the railings!"

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I was on the pull last night, so I wore my T shirt that reads, 'Drink Until You Want Me'. This lass in the club read it, looked at my face and then sneered, 'No thanks, I want to wake up alive in the morning!' I leaned in close and growled, 'You'd better fucking start drinking, then, hadn't you?'

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What's the difference between watching football and being raped? Women don't like watching football.

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I raped a deaf/mute girl. Then I broke her fingers so she couldn't tell anyone.

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Thomas Partey is due to stand trial on charges of seven rapes and a sexual assault. What a weekend that was.

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Statistically four out of five people enjoy gang rape. 'Mr Hengist, for the last time, are you certain you wish to conduct your own defence?'

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Why do grannies keep their money stuffed in a teapot? Cos it's the last place Wayne Rooney will look

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I just passed a recruitment poster for the St John's Ambulance brigade, it was captioned; "There's a volunteer inside all of us." If you were in Leeds General Infirmary or Broadmoor Hospital or Stoke Mandeville in the 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's or 90's that volunteer would have been Jimmy Savile!

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Married at First Sight UK cast member arrested on suspicion of rape. Consummated at First Sight, more like.

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I recently made a girl squirt for the first time. It was pepper spray, but still a result.

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